Why Do Men Do That?

Will Smith and Chris Rock mucked up the night.

Whew — that was one stressful awards ceremony Sunday night. The Oscars have tended to be pretty bland the last few years, even before the pandemic.

But what happened at this year’s event was, well, eventful in many ways. But, I’ll address the elephant in the room.

Will Smith. Will Smith and Chris Rock.

And the sinking feeling I got when I saw the unfolding of Smith’s response to the crass joke Rock told about Will’s wife, Jada Pinkett-Smith.

Let’s unpack this suitcase.

Chris Rock is known for his zingers when he is onstage performing standup comedy. But, whether it’s at a concert or awards show, he usually spares no one in his skewering of society and culture.

Given that three women (two of color) hosted the show, I was a little surprised that Rock was given the go-ahead to have a mini-standup routine during his presentation of an award. It was as if someone felt the need to inject male comedic tones into the night.

I have never been a fan of jokes against people’s appearance, whether male or female. Put it down to my sensitive nature. Or perhaps the fact that I have heard many comments about my and other women’s appearance as a woman in American society. But, set in the guise of a joke or off-hand comment, it still stung the person.

Last night was no different. Again, Chris Rock chose a joke that wasn’t funny. Not only unfunny but, in this case, offensive to the target. Pinkett-Smith suffers from a condition known as alopecia, which affects hair growth. Her choice to address this issue was to shave her head. It made her more attractive (as many have written), but the haircut also showed bravery in the face of her medical condition.

Now, back to the men in the story. Smith took what was a crass joke from Rock and escalated the situation from a husband’s response to a slight against his wife to another level.

A violent one.

After the Oscars, I spoke with some who had watched the display to get their take on the incident.

All five men and women alike felt that both men were wrong.

Rock was wrong in not being sensitive to the well-publicized condition that Pinkett-Smith had, and Smith was wrong in his initial response that violence and profanity were the right way to handle his emotions.

Ah, there is it. Emotions.

This incident is all tied together with the heightened emotions of the evening.

I’ve never been up for an acting award. But when I was younger and had been nominated for awards, I recall sitting on pins and needles as the night droned on. Then, finally, I waited for my category to be announced.

As time went on, I could feel the nerves tighten in my stomach and throat. It elevated the anxiety and caused me to start breathing more deeply to compensate for my stress.

I don’t know Will Smith personally. Nor do I claim to know how everyone deals with stressful situations.

But I do know human nature. When we feel cornered, we lash out. That’s what Will Smith did Sunday night.

Was he wrong to do so? Would he have done so if this had happened at a comedy club during a Saturday night set? Did he go too far in his protection of his wife’s emotions?

I feel the answer to the last paragraph’s questions is yes.

He could have taken the high road, waiting until the evening was over and addressing Chris Rock in a way more befitting the situation.

Instead, he brought it all back to men. Men were taking over for women’s voices. Jada Pinkett-Smith is a strong, independent woman with a platform she uses to share ideas and conversations with other celebrities. She could have quickly taken it upon herself to address this issue after the fact.

Instead, a man took over, and now there is a backlash on all sides.

Let’s see how this plays out.