Anxiety is My Biggest Bully
Why do I worry for no reason?

I spent most of the day working myself into a tizzy about a small dinner gathering I had planned for this evening.
I don’t enjoy leaving my house a lot of the time. Most of the time, truth be told.
And I struggle with face-to-face conversations with people I’m not close to.
The entire point of tonight’s dinner was to branch out. To increase the number of people in my daughter’s life who will help her to feel loved and who share our faith.
Rationally, I knew that was a good thing. I’m the one who came up with the idea. But somehow, I was freaking myself out completely, imagining every possible thing that could go wrong.
What if my anxiety played its frequent trick and I rambled so much that I died of embarrassment?
What if I panicked enough to give myself an actual panic attack? That’s not fun in the first place, let alone with an audience.
What if the conversation was stilted and miserable and my daughter hated every minute?
And on and on and on.
But it was beautiful.
We had such a good time.
We played games and had a good meal and laughed so much!
Tonight was a blessing.
Anxiety is evil. It almost won and talked me out of going.
I’m glad that didn’t work, and we built beautiful memories instead.
Do any of you struggle with that? Planner’s remorse, where you worry yourself sick after making plans?
