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Abstract

ctivities we can’t control. These are all part of operating system, not physical parts of the brain. We can’t tweak the system with surgery. The failure of lobotomies stands as a testament to the failure of surgery to adjust our operating systems. We still don’t have the map.I will simplify my understanding with the following computer example (sorry I am a geek):Computers are machines, like our brains and the Id, Ego, Superego, Conscious, Preconscious and Unconscious are a combination of operating systems and software programs working together. You can’t see them but you know that are functioning. You breathe, you talk, you laugh and you eat. They don’t require a specific effort. You just do it.Sometimes the system has an error and sometimes it’s a big error. So large that your operating system shuts down. You need to reverse-engineer the problem.Hello… gender dysphoria, my very own personal system error message.My operating system started to shut down four years ago. I suddenly developed panic attacks and suicidal thoughts. Definitely not a stable operating environment. I began three years of reverse-engineering the problem with the assistance of an outside consultant…my therapist. For 61 years I had been using the wrong hardware with my central operating system and that conflict finally caused my system shutdown or in my case, it caused an emotional meltdown.Now that I know the problem, I am being told by my operating system that I need to re-configure my hardware.OK you get the picture.So, the bottom line is, I have to accept:</

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p>- that my buddies Id, Ego, Superego, Conscious, Preconscious and Unconscious exist and that there is no way I can prove that to myself or my family or you because I can’t slice and dice my physical brain to prove it.-science has not yet developed a “Richter” Scale for gender identity so I can’t demonstrate the power of my gender dysphoria in a measured way, so you are just going to need to accept that it’s power is massively real and the brutal pain it causes is also very real.-that my gender dysphoria is so strong that my operating system had to force a serious shutdown to get my attention. It needed to be so severe that it had to force me to no longer ignore that I had a life-threatening problem. My gender incongruence used gender dysphoria to compel me to finally correct the problem.-The fact that my gender dysphoria has not stopped is proof that all my remedial attempts (i.e., HRT) have failed to remedy the problem. It has a high reading on the gender “Richter Scale”-It has forced me to consider physically transitioning as the only viable solution left to me.I really hate logic but science has given my no other tools to explain this phenomenon that is causing the complete redesigning of my body and my entire life. I can’t rewire my brain.The answer to my question: “Why is my Gender Dysphoria so powerful?” seems to be simply, I have a something that needs to be fixed and I can’t be ignored it any longer. One or all of my new friends: Id, Ego, Superego, Conscious, Preconscious and Unconscious, won’t let me.They are tougher than me.</article></body>

Why do I need to Transition?

One question I haven’t gotten a satisfactory answer to:

“Why is my Gender Dysphoria so powerful that it is forcing me to abandon my life, my relationships, my social identity, my wealth, my professional accomplishments and put my health at risk, to transition from male to female at 65 years of age?”

It is a question that makes my head explode. Transitioning makes no logical sense to me! I have been struggling to find a way to demonstrate to myself and, ultimately, to those I love, why I need to do this. I have Googled, ad nauseum, the simplistic question: “Why is gender dysphoria so powerful?”

The “answer” has made my head explode a second time.

Enter my new friends: Id, Ego, Superego, Conscious, Preconscious and Unconscious.

https://www.simplypsychology.org/psyche.html

There is no way on earth that I am going to even attempt to understand Freud’s psychoanalytic theory enough to be able to explain it to you. So here is the best I can do for you and me. Relying on the diagram above, it is about as close as I can get to an understanding. Like an Iceberg, some stuff, that makes you who you are, you can see but most of the stuff is under water where you can’t see it. Hence my confusion and my years of therapy.

According to Freud, there are mental activities that we can control and there are activities we can’t control. These are all part of operating system, not physical parts of the brain. We can’t tweak the system with surgery. The failure of lobotomies stands as a testament to the failure of surgery to adjust our operating systems. We still don’t have the map.

I will simplify my understanding with the following computer example (sorry I am a geek):

Computers are machines, like our brains and the Id, Ego, Superego, Conscious, Preconscious and Unconscious are a combination of operating systems and software programs working together. You can’t see them but you know that are functioning. You breathe, you talk, you laugh and you eat. They don’t require a specific effort. You just do it.

Sometimes the system has an error and sometimes it’s a big error. So large that your operating system shuts down. You need to reverse-engineer the problem.

Hello… gender dysphoria, my very own personal system error message.

My operating system started to shut down four years ago. I suddenly developed panic attacks and suicidal thoughts. Definitely not a stable operating environment. I began three years of reverse-engineering the problem with the assistance of an outside consultant…my therapist. For 61 years I had been using the wrong hardware with my central operating system and that conflict finally caused my system shutdown or in my case, it caused an emotional meltdown.

Now that I know the problem, I am being told by my operating system that I need to re-configure my hardware.

OK you get the picture.

So, the bottom line is, I have to accept:

- that my buddies Id, Ego, Superego, Conscious, Preconscious and Unconscious exist and that there is no way I can prove that to myself or my family or you because I can’t slice and dice my physical brain to prove it.

-science has not yet developed a “Richter” Scale for gender identity so I can’t demonstrate the power of my gender dysphoria in a measured way, so you are just going to need to accept that it’s power is massively real and the brutal pain it causes is also very real.

-that my gender dysphoria is so strong that my operating system had to force a serious shutdown to get my attention. It needed to be so severe that it had to force me to no longer ignore that I had a life-threatening problem. My gender incongruence used gender dysphoria to compel me to finally correct the problem.

-The fact that my gender dysphoria has not stopped is proof that all my remedial attempts (i.e., HRT) have failed to remedy the problem. It has a high reading on the gender “Richter Scale”

-It has forced me to consider physically transitioning as the only viable solution left to me.

I really hate logic but science has given my no other tools to explain this phenomenon that is causing the complete redesigning of my body and my entire life. I can’t rewire my brain.

The answer to my question: “Why is my Gender Dysphoria so powerful?” seems to be simply, I have a something that needs to be fixed and I can’t be ignored it any longer. One or all of my new friends: Id, Ego, Superego, Conscious, Preconscious and Unconscious, won’t let me.

They are tougher than me.