Why Disappointing Others is Actually an Act of Self-Love

Summary

The article discusses the importance of prioritizing one's own needs and desires over the expectations of others, framing the act of disappointing people as a form of self-love and necessary boundary-setting.

Abstract

The author of the article identifies herself as someone who has experienced the difficulty of disappointing others, particularly her parents, by not pursuing a legal career and choosing not to have children. Despite the initial guilt and societal pressure to conform, she emphasizes the value of authenticity and self-awareness. She argues that constantly seeking to please others leads to exhaustion and unhappiness, while setting personal boundaries and saying 'no' is crucial for maintaining mental health and personal integrity. The article suggests that by honoring one's own needs, individuals can become their best selves, which ultimately benefits everyone involved.

Opinions

Disappointing others can be an act of self-love and is necessary for personal growth and happiness.
It is important to listen to one's own wants and needs rather than constantly trying to meet the expectations of others.
Saying 'no' is not rude or ungrateful; it is a way of setting healthy boundaries and taking care of oneself.
People-pleasing behavior can lead to a cycle of constant exhaustion and burnout.
Authenticity in one's actions, including the choice to spend time alone, is more important than adhering to social obligations.
Setting boundaries with others can also free them from negative behavior patterns and is beneficial for all parties involved.
Prioritizing one's own well-being is not selfish but necessary for being one's best self.

Why Disappointing Others is Actually an Act of Self-Love

I am the Queen of disappointment. And I’m okay with that.

I disappointed my parents when I decided that I didn’t want to pursue a legal career — both times.

I decided the first time at University. Then years later, whilst working in a law firm and passing my legal exams with flying colours, I decided again. It definitely wasn’t happening.

I didn’t really set them up to be disappointed twice. But that’s what I did.

I’ve also disappointed people with my stance on not wanting to have children, although why anyone’s bothered so much always amazes me. It’s not an attack on you, it’s just a personal choice.

“Disappoint anyone, hell, disappoint everyone, but don’t ever disappoint yourself”

~ Benny Severide, Chicago Fire S1 E13

There was a time when I used to do anything and go anywhere for other people. You want to make other people happy and you don’t want to let anyone down.

I remember the feeling I got telling my Mum that I was going ahead with getting a further legal qualification so that I could practice law properly. At the time, I did want to do it for me, but I also remember how good I felt inside that it was what she wanted too, and I was finally going to make her proud.

The funny thing is, I know she’s proud of me now, and I’m finally doing something I love. But why do we put so much weight on other people’s opinions? Why should it matter?

When we pretend we want to do something or when we always try to people-please, we end up stuck in a vicious cycle of constant exhaustion. We get burnout. And ultimately, we become unhappy.

Disappointing others is an act of self-love

The best way you can serve yourself is to be authentically you. I used to feel guilty for staying in at the weekend or missing a dinner invitation if I didn’t have a ‘good enough’ excuse. I’d make myself go even if what I really craved was some good old fashioned ‘me time’. The key is to listen to yourself — your wants and needs, and ignore the rest. Sometimes it’s a good idea to catch up with friends and family, especially if you’ve been feeling lonely, but other times it’s okay to spend some time by yourself if that’s what you really crave. Give yourself some love.

It’s okay to say ‘no’

Saying ‘no’ doesn’t make you an awful person, nor does it make you rude or ungrateful. We’ve gotten so used to saying ‘yes’ and that likely stems from our childhood. It’s the ‘polite’ thing to do and we worry we’ll be rejected or abandoned if we say otherwise. That people won’t speak to us or invite us to anything else ever again. Saying ‘no’ shouldn’t be off limits — in fact only we know what is best for us and it’s time to exercise that right when we need to.

What’s good for you is good for everyone

If you’re in a situation where someone is demanding too much of you, they will likely never be satisfied, no matter how much you do for them. When you set boundaries, you actually set the other person free from their behaviour patterns too. You do both of you a favour. Plus, you can only be your best self when you’re feeling good and doing things that benefit you.

“Make yourself a priority once in a while. It’s NOT selfish. It’s NECESSARY!” ~ Karen A. Baquiran