Summary

The article recounts a personal experience illustrating the pitfalls of making hasty decisions in moments of anger and the benefits of responding with a calm and measured approach.

Abstract

The narrative describes an incident where the author, James, is advised by his boss, Mike, to reconsider sending an angry and confrontational memo to a colleague who had wrongly blamed him for a mishap. Initially, James is convinced of the righteousness of his aggressive response, but Mike counsels him to wait and craft a more diplomatic message. By doing so, James avoids escalating the conflict, maintains professional relationships, and ultimately learns the value of patience and composure in decision-making. The article emphasizes the importance of not reacting impulsively when provoked and suggests that a delayed, well-thought-out response can be more effective and preserve important professional relationships.

Opinions

The author initially believes in the justification of his immediate emotional response to a workplace conflict.
Mike, the author's boss, is of the opinion that while James is in the right, the way he communicates his grievance is crucial to resolving the situation amicably.
The author's boss emphasizes the importance of not escalating the conflict and the potential negative consequences of doing so.
The author reflects on the incident as a pivotal learning experience in conflict resolution and professional conduct.
The article conveys that the long-term value of a colleague and the potential for future interactions should be considered before reacting emotionally.
The author acknowledges that his instinct to fight back was misguided and that taking a step back was the wiser approach.
The author suggests that a heated response might satisfy a short-term desire for retribution but can lead to regret and damaged relationships.
The article advises that when faced with infuriating situations, it is best to distance oneself temporarily to avoid making rash decisions.
The author admits that despite understanding the importance of a measured response, he sometimes struggles to follow this advice due to his temperament.

Why Decision Making in the Heat of the Moment is Rarely a Good Idea.

My boss looked at me over the top of the memo. He shook his head slowly, “You can’t send this, James. You just can’t.”

I was confused. I was in the right; I was sure of it. “Why not?” I asked, “everything in that letter is true. I’ve done nothing wrong.”

“Absolutely, you’re dead right, and you have him bang to rights, but you can’t word it like that. He’ll take it badly, it’ll blow up.” Mike was calm, quiet, experienced at handling conflict.

I felt the heat of my anger beginning to cool. I wasn’t happy though, “But what do I say? He can’t just take a van without asking, take it abroad with no documents and then blame me when it all goes wrong! Stupid prick needs a good slap.”

Mike was quiet for a moment before responding, “I agree with you, he shouldn’t have done it. And it’s not your fault, I’ll support you all the way. But you need to go back to your office, have a coffee and let the red mist subside. Then write your letter again, but take the heat out of it. You’ve come out of your corner guns blazing, but you need to calm the situation down. You can see he’s copied the Managing Director and other board members into this. If you’re not careful, this will escalate. His letter already makes him look silly. If you reply in a calm and measured way, you’ll have the upper hand. You’ll look good.”

He handed the letter to me, “go and try again, explain why we don’t leave original documents in the vehicles. Explain how a quick phone call to you would have prevented this, and apologise for his inconvenience. Come back to me before sending it.”

I took the letter and stood up, “Ok, I’m not sure I agree, but I’ll be back in a little while.”

Back in my office, I re-read the letter that landed on my desk sometime over the weekend. This was the late 1990s, so email was in its infancy. We had one PC in the entire building connected to the internet; sessions on it had to be booked in advance. So letters and memos between colleagues were commonplace.

The writer had needed a van at short notice the previous Friday evening, long after I’d gone home. He’d dashed into my office, grabbed the keys to something, and shot off to Europe. Trouble is, he’d not bothered to take any documents with him, so on his return journey, French customs wouldn’t let him cross the border back to the UK

He’s spent a miserable night sleeping in the cab of the van until the French relented and let him cross the border. He thought this was my fault, hence the letter. He’d also sent copies to the bosses.

As I sipped my coffee, I penned a new response. Calm and measured, I took out the fire and aggression and replaced them with something more subtle.

It worked too, the Managing Director smiled when he read it, and the silence from the perpetrator was deafening. I still have a good working relationship with him more than 20 years later.

The incident was an early lesson for me. I was in my mid 20’s, newly promoted to a position of responsibility, with little experience of handling conflict. My instinct was to meet aggression head-on, to fight, to hit back.

And yet, satisfying though it may have been to give the little twerp a verbal or physical smack, taking a moment to calm down proved to be the right thing to do.

If I’d sent the aggressive response, who knows where it may have ended up?

The other guy was also, as it turned out, far more valuable to the company than I and went on to become one of the best Aerial DOP’s on the planet (Director of Photography, a big deal in the film world).

I realise now that my sensible, pragmatic boss was protecting me and stopping me from getting into a fight I’d most likely lose.

Making decisions in the heat of anger or high emotion is tempting. I’ve been there. There’s one big snag, though: you’ll probably regret it once you’ve calmed down. You also may not appreciate who your adversary is.

You might have a row with your boss and want to tell him to “stick his job where the sun don’t shine”. But, it’s not in your best interests.

You’ll not be able to get a reference from him for a start, which will look bad when future employers ask. They’ll wonder what you’re hiding.

Not only that, people move around. The ex-boss may pop up somewhere else. And you don’t know who else he knows. Like it or not, career progression is as much about relationships as it is ability, if not more.

So this is my advice, based on my experiences; although being a bit of a hothead, I struggle to follow this sometimes.

If someone does something to annoy you, and I mean, the blind anger, wanting to scream and punch something, type of annoying, your best course of action is to get away. Go outside for a walk, go take an early lunch, whatever it takes to remove yourself from the situation.

If you must write an aggressive, angry email, do so, but DO NOT SEND IT. Leave it as a draft for a few days, without email addresses on, then come back once you’ve calmed down. I guarantee you will re-write and take the heat out.

Of course, the decision you make amid your white-hot fury might be the best one for your situation. Don’t act upon it, though. Wait until your anger has subsided and re-visit the decision. If it still makes sense, then you can follow through with it.

More often than not, though, you’ll have a change of heart. And you’ll be thankful you waited.