Why Dating in Canada Truly Sucks for Women

‘Canadians are so nice’ and ‘Justin Trudeau is fine AF’ were two of the most frequent comments about Canada I would hear when I told people I was Canadian during my time as an ex-pat in Korea, the UK, Germany, and Malta. That and a lot of people got some family or relative scattered across Toronto, Vancouver, or Montreal.

Nevertheless, it’s always warming to hear how universally well-liked Canadians are. As someone born and raised in the land of long winters, Tim Hortons, and hockey fanatics, I know it to be true.

Canadians are one of the friendliest, polite, and apologetic people you will ever meet on this planet. Seriously, I mean I could get hit by a car just standing on a sidewalk and I’ll probably be apologizing to the driver profusely for something I didn’t do. But it’s in my nature to apologize for absolutely nothing nearly I’ve done wrong 9/10 times because it’s just ingrained in me. Sorry.

After deciding the expat lifestyle wasn’t for me anymore after nearly six years abroad, I traded living in Europe for my sleepy hometown in Ontario. I was eager to reconnect with friends and family and finally “settle” down in the non-traditional sense of just staying in one place for the foreseeable future.

You could say I was spoilt living in Asia and Europe in the quality pool of men. I met men from all walks of life doing things that I loved — exploring dive bars, baking in the sun at the beach, smoky clubs in a tourist trap part of town, impromptu concerts on street corners. I never really had to think about how hard it is to meet men.

Until I came back to Canada.

Well, as one can say, reverse culture shock can be a bitch. But dating in Canada pre-apps and after apps is one dark, dark, dark abyss.

Canada has a total population of 38 million since 2020 despite being the second-largest country in the world after Russia (which happens to have a total of 144 million people). Roughly 90% of the population lives near the US, I’m looking at you Toronto, Vancouver, and Montreal.

So, Canada got all this landmass and but so few people compared to it.

When you get past the numbers, stats, and geographic differences — you got a statistical perspective as to why the dating game sucks here.

But what really, really, REALLY sucks about it?

The men. Yeah, I said it. The men. Gulp.

From the nation that gave you Ryan Gosling, Mike Myers, Drake, the Weeknd, and Tim Horton’s newest ambassador Justin Bieber, you would think there wouldn’t be a shortage of eligible, attractive, talented, and oh so polite Canadian boys?

Hell to the no. No, and no. Hell no. NO. AND NO.

At this point, there’s a greater chance that the Maple Leafs could win the Stanley Cup than a Canadian man having the courage to talk to a woman he finds attractive let alone even ask for her number. For those who don’t follow hockey, basically, I meant when pigs can fly.

THIS is the reason why dating in Canada sucks. If you don’t believe me, I urge you to go on Youtube and see the many videos from Canadian and expat women talking about the perils of dating in Canada. See, I got receipts so you won’t scalp me.

Because it doesn’t quite matter where you are from or where you live — Canadian men don’t approach women. Like ever. You could look like a dream come true and a Canadian man would probably just stare, stare, and stare some more. You could confuse their blank expression for anything from confusion or boredom than actual interest. Heck, Miss Universe on her best day would probably fair less in Canada despite being, you know, Miss Universe.

Back in my university days, I remember my female friends being so frustrated with the dating scene in our small city. They spent their weekends wasting their money getting dolled up with a fresh outfit from Suzy Shier, looking for overpriced parking downtown, just to stand twirling their hair, and drink overpriced cocktails in clubs in the hopes of a guy having more courage than them to strike up a conversation. It seemed like it was unnecessarily hard for no real reason to meet a guy in Canada that showed interest or could hold a conversation.

Before the trinity of dating apps aka Hinge, Bumble, and Tinder came onto the scene, I remember my friends back in university in 2007 going on dates with men from Plenty of Offish. Yes, THAT SITE, I called it Plenty of S*8&t because nearly 75% of people on there were did/said some questionable things. Had to fact-check to see if it wasstill running and to my absolute horror it still is. Most of them turned to POF despite my pleas as I was convinced they would end up on CTV News at 6 pm because the internet was scarier back in the late 2000's. But, I had two friends meet their long-term partners who became their future husbands. So, yes, maybe I was wrong but I am still convinced serial killers lurk that website.

A lot of the women that met their partners in university made sure to dig their claws in their man all the way to graduation and then the altar. Other women I knew met their partners the old fashion way — at work. They were that work couple that became that married couple who still carpool to work and had lunch together daily.

I can only speak of my experience living in Ontario and Quebec for this article, but it’s funny that in small to large cities in these regions that a majority of women I knew had to resort to a dodgy dating website because they had difficulty meeting people at school, work, or through hobbies.

Online dating seemed like it was heaven sent for introverted, shy, and unassertive men aka Canadian man. It’s a lot less scary having someone not respond to your message than rejecting you in your face. The anonymity of online dating and easy accessibility is another appealing part of dating sites and apps for men. Why should they do any heavy lifting in real life to meet women when a simple ‘hey’ message can suffice from swiping or messaging from the comforts of their home?

I know, I know, I sound harsh.

But hear me out, I come from a culture outside of Canada where men actively and consistently pursue the women they want. Call me oldfashioned, anti-feminist, or outdated for saying this: most women want to know they’re wanted and want to be chased more so than most men really know. Maybe not in a Pepé Le Pew kind of way but in a way that makes you feel alive. The art of flirting is a concept unknown in Canada unless you’re a recent export from elsewhere. I had an Italian co-worker in Canada that was super popular at my job because he had the accent, confidence, and charm. He also was ENTIRELY aware of his comparative advantage being an Italian man versus a Canadian man when it came to asking women out in Canada.

I noticed the disconnect between men approaching women in Canada versus any other country when I first moved to Korea after university to teach English. It was shocking to get hit on frequently by Korean men who spoke little to no English yet they had the confidence to try in charming ways. Or when I went to meetups with other expat teachers I would always be taken aback when American men would approach me and ask me out immediately. Or even in tiny Malta, I would be approached constantly from the beach to the grocery store where I was asked out by men from all walks of Europe. Take a hint Canadian men, even Justin Bieber got a whole song called ‘Confident’.

The problem with dating is Canada is more and more women admit feeling invisible, unwanted, and undesired here. Nothing will give a woman a complex faster than being ignored in an expensive bar/lounge/club by groups of men that are more entranced by each other and their phones on a Saturday night out in any major city. Hair curled, face done, and Aritzia outfit be DAMNED. It seems like an unspoken fact in Canada that the only way to seek male attention for romantic endeavours is to turn to apps and websites that feel like an endless loop of clownery. Sure women have a comparative advantage on apps and a larger pool of selection than men. But, it doesn’t quite shake off the feelings of neglect, overlooked, and undervalued. It seems like newer apps keep popping up these days that it’s hard to keep up. The notoriety of many which have faded, kinda like how Pokemon Go blew up just to fade away into oblivion once people got over it.

Yes, you could say maybe women need to be more proactive or women should pursue and go after men they fancy, too. Men say all the time about how much they wished women would make a move, show interest, or ask them out. YET, when some women do that EXACTLY, some men have the audacity to act startled, confused, and unreceptive despite COMPLAINING NEARLY ALL THE TIME women should ask men out. So, you want me to be an independent, strong, and confident woman that can ask men out but then feel weirded out about it and go radio silent instead of giving a response? You guys are killing me with this $h%t.

Being able to meet someone every day of the week has suddenly made the convenience of dating not so very convenient when it comes to fostering a deeper connection and long-term relationship goals. You would think Canadian men would appreciate the ability to meet a diverse group of women from all walks of life, places, and cultures from the comfort of their homes on phones? But even so, it seems like the ball is still being dropped and men still don’t know how to get it together here. I mean I could go on a few dozen dates and not hear a single compliment come of a man’s mouth even then. I mean if the best compliment I can get in 2021 is ‘ur hair is really curly’ on Bumble at 11 pm on a Wednesday, then may God help us all.

I could be exaggerating as many readers would say, but I met many expat women that moved to Canada for work or school complaining about the frustrating, elusive, and ever shy Canadian men. I had a Moroccan colleague in Montreal bemoan how she used to hate being hit on all the time in Paris but since moving to Quebec she rarely has a man look in her direction and it left her with a complex. She ended up moving back to France after our internship.

Or my Bulgarian friend from my university days in Ottawa that asked me once during a study session if she was ugly. I remember the shock of asking such a question because she was undeniably beautiful. She complained that she never got asked out or hit on in Canada as she did back home in Sofia, Bulgaria. That despite living on campus and participating in all the student activities/mixers she felt like she couldn’t crack the notoriously hard-to-read mind of Canadian men. She ended up moving to the UK after university.

Or my Kenyan friend who graduated from a top medical school in Canada complained about the lack of dating options in person and online despite being a beautiful, funny, FREAKING doctor. She was disturbed by the lack of effort she felt Canadian men take to plan dates. She once was asked to get coffee from Timmies and go for a walk in -15 C weather as a first date. She gave that man a speech he won’t forget that’s for sure right before she deleted the app. She’s happily married and working in the US now.

It looked seem to me that expat women were having just as a hard time dating here as much as Canadian raised women. It seemed like a huge adjustment in dealing with the lack of assertiveness from men and dating choices in Canada versus their homelands. Despite the beauty of Canada being such a huge cultural mosaic and well known for its diversity and inclusiveness, you would think women would be allured to move here? But, nah.

They’re leaving in droves. Literally.

Now, before anyone jumps down my throat or tells me that I’m being unduly harsh towards Canadian men, let me say this. You would think a whole global pandemic, working remotely, and an 18 month long lockdown would make dating, commitment, and a long term relationship sound ideal AF. You would think that this pandemic would have men scrambling to try a little harder to communicate on apps, set up Zoom dates, or even try virtual speed dating but a whole pandemic can’t even seem to shake Canadian men to try to find love in a hopeless place. There seems to be a disconnect within the attitudes towards dating in major cities in Canada more so with this pandemic. More and more people are getting burnt out by the dating game, myself included.

It helps to do a detox from dating apps and swiping from time to time. Sometimes it better to focus on other things like whether or not you want to order pizza or pho on Ubereats on Friday night. Or planning a last minute solo getaway somewhere warm. Or even spending time with your parents and appreciating the time with them after being on a long year of lockdowns. Taking some time to work on being the best version of yourself for YOU is never a wrong decision. And try to remember not to compare yourself to others that aren’t in this Hunger Game we call ‘dating’. Let’s be real, we never really know WHAT people put up with in relationships to stay together. You should see the text messages my girlfriends send me complaining about their partners every week. Count your blessings girlies.

So, this is for all the girls wondering why the heck is dating so hard in Canada or wonder what they might be doing wrong. I want you to know that your feelings and thoughts are validated, you are not alone. It’s rough out here girls but as a wise person once told me said, what’s meant for you won’t miss you. And as cheesy as that sounds, I truly, truly believe it. It might take going out of your comfort zone, saying yes to more things/events/parties than no, picking up a new hobby, and maybe a few trips abroad to get your ego stroked to remind you that you’re ENOUGH. Your boo thang, soul mate, twin flame, whatever you call it, is out there.

And for all the boys wondering why I am so harsh? Well, the truth hurts. So, take this as a wake up call, take a look around, and start addressing whatever hangups or insecurities holding you back from being fully present, self aware, and confident to date here in Canada. Maybe ditch the apps and go after what you want instead assessing the risk/fail probabilities in your head. Next time you see a girl that you like give her a compliment even if you’re scared, even if it goes nowhere. Maybe put yourself out there and see how great things can be when you take a chance on something that isn’t based on algorithms.