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Abstract

se he was already failing everything anyway.And he was already beginning to let himself go at age 20. Eric was a very handsome guy, but he was relying solely on good genetics and leftover muscle from being a top high school athlete. His current lifestyle full of junk food, beer, and sitting on the couch was causing him to start gaining weight. I’ve been passionate about health and fitness since I was 16, so watching him stuff his face with crap every day really turned me off.When Eric told me he was planning to drop out, I begged him to stay in school. I’d created this vision in my head of us becoming a power couple, and it was in that moment that I realized it wasn’t going to happen. I thought his laziness might be just a phase though, so I continued to date him hoping we’d get through it together and come out stronger. But I also started checking out other hot guys on campus who seemed like they’d be a better fit for me.I didn’t know what to do. There was a part of me that wanted to dump Eric because his laziness turned me off so much, but there was also a part of me that still had very strong feelings for him. Which in hindsight, was really just me having a lack mindset because he was my first serious boyfriend.We did break up about a month later though, after dating for nine months. Although he was the one who dumped me, it was actually a pretty mutual breakup. We talked about it in person and he told me that I didn’t do anything wrong. He just realized we were no longer a good match; we simply didn’t have enough in common to make the relationship sustainable any longer. I was sad to see things end, even though I knew he was right. We really were a terrible fit for each other.My relationship with Eric taught me a very important lesson though: that compatibility is a major factor when it comes to how successful a relationship will be long-term. And chemistry alone can only take you so far. I thought we were compatible in the beginning though because we both loved Spongebob and beer.But what I didn’t realize is that compatibility is so much more than just having the same surface-level interests. It needs to be much deeper than that.Sure, it’s pretty awesome when you and your partner both like the same music or movies. Or when you have similar hobbies

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that you can do together. It can be a lot of fun to share those things with someone. But if you don’t have the same values, lifestyles, and life goals, you’ll end up resenting each other down the road.You might really enjoy each other’s company for a few months or so, but eventually, the honeymoon phase will end and reality will set in. And then you’ll have to make some tough choices.You may be able to prolong the relationship if both of you are young, like if you’re still in high school or college, but it will most likely end once you both graduate and move on to the next phase of your life. Proper compatibility becomes very important when dating as an adult over the age of 25 or so.If you’re not sure how compatible you are with someone, it’s best to just ask them questions in casual conversation. Find out what their career and personal goals are and what a typical day looks like in their life. Ask them where they want to live in the future, and if they want to get married or have kids someday. And make sure to find out those things fairly early on, so you’re not wasting too much time if it turns out you’re not a good match.When I look back on things, I’d say Eric was the perfect boyfriend for 19-year-old me. Sure, our relationship was mostly based on a shared love of Spongebob and underage drinking, but that’s probably pretty normal for college couples. Since we weren’t yet in a phase of our lives where we needed to make major decisions, our relationship really didn’t hold me back from anything. But if I were to date him now, at age 28, that would not be the case.I haven’t spoken to Eric much since we broke up, but I’m still friends with him on Facebook and I’m actually still pretty close with his mom, who sometimes gives me on updates on his life. Last time I checked, I saw he is now overweight and living in Colorado somewhere. I don’t know if he ever went back to college or what he’s doing for work, but it’s not Taco Bell.And he got married to a girl who looks like a much better match for him than I was. He seems very happy. I actually remember writing a “congratulations” message on his Facebook wall when I saw the post about their wedding announcement. I was genuinely happy for him because he’s a super great guy who deserves a great marriage. Just not to me.</article></body>

Why Compatibility Is More Important Than Chemistry

And I don’t just mean liking the same music and movies.

I started dating my first serious boyfriend when I was 19. I was a sophomore in college and I met him at a frat party. One of my friends who was a fellow writer for our campus newspaper was a member of this fraternity and he would invite me to his house’s parties. After becoming somewhat of a regular there, I met Eric* (not his real name.)

Eric was a member of that fraternity and an engineering student. We were in the same grade level, but he had a late birthday so he was already 20. He was very attractive, in a “cute nerd” kind of way and we immediately hit it off.

We became official after dating for about a month. I loved how book smart he was because it made me assume he was going places in life. He was a very good guy who always treated me well, and we had so much fun quoting Spongebob and drinking Malibu Rum together. I loved that he could easily get alcohol from his older frat brothers since we were both underages. And once he turned 21, he started buying it for me himself.

But unfortunately, those were pretty much the only things we had in common.

The first six months of our relationship were incredible. It was kind of an endless blur of drinking, Spongebob, and lots of sex at his frat house, which felt harmless at that age. But reality eventually set in.

Although Eric was incredibly book smart, he wasn’t very driven. I had big dreams for after college, like moving to Los Angeles and making a living in some sort of creative industry. But Eric had no idea what he wanted to do with his life besides work at Taco Bell in our small Midwestern college town.

He didn’t care about school at all either. He just wanted to stay in his room and play video games whenever we weren’t spending time together. He stopped going to class and then dropped out at the beginning of our junior year because he was already failing everything anyway.

And he was already beginning to let himself go at age 20. Eric was a very handsome guy, but he was relying solely on good genetics and leftover muscle from being a top high school athlete. His current lifestyle full of junk food, beer, and sitting on the couch was causing him to start gaining weight. I’ve been passionate about health and fitness since I was 16, so watching him stuff his face with crap every day really turned me off.

When Eric told me he was planning to drop out, I begged him to stay in school. I’d created this vision in my head of us becoming a power couple, and it was in that moment that I realized it wasn’t going to happen. I thought his laziness might be just a phase though, so I continued to date him hoping we’d get through it together and come out stronger. But I also started checking out other hot guys on campus who seemed like they’d be a better fit for me.

I didn’t know what to do. There was a part of me that wanted to dump Eric because his laziness turned me off so much, but there was also a part of me that still had very strong feelings for him. Which in hindsight, was really just me having a lack mindset because he was my first serious boyfriend.

We did break up about a month later though, after dating for nine months. Although he was the one who dumped me, it was actually a pretty mutual breakup. We talked about it in person and he told me that I didn’t do anything wrong. He just realized we were no longer a good match; we simply didn’t have enough in common to make the relationship sustainable any longer. I was sad to see things end, even though I knew he was right. We really were a terrible fit for each other.

My relationship with Eric taught me a very important lesson though: that compatibility is a major factor when it comes to how successful a relationship will be long-term. And chemistry alone can only take you so far. I thought we were compatible in the beginning though because we both loved Spongebob and beer.

But what I didn’t realize is that compatibility is so much more than just having the same surface-level interests. It needs to be much deeper than that.

Sure, it’s pretty awesome when you and your partner both like the same music or movies. Or when you have similar hobbies that you can do together. It can be a lot of fun to share those things with someone. But if you don’t have the same values, lifestyles, and life goals, you’ll end up resenting each other down the road.

You might really enjoy each other’s company for a few months or so, but eventually, the honeymoon phase will end and reality will set in. And then you’ll have to make some tough choices.

You may be able to prolong the relationship if both of you are young, like if you’re still in high school or college, but it will most likely end once you both graduate and move on to the next phase of your life. Proper compatibility becomes very important when dating as an adult over the age of 25 or so.

If you’re not sure how compatible you are with someone, it’s best to just ask them questions in casual conversation. Find out what their career and personal goals are and what a typical day looks like in their life. Ask them where they want to live in the future, and if they want to get married or have kids someday. And make sure to find out those things fairly early on, so you’re not wasting too much time if it turns out you’re not a good match.

When I look back on things, I’d say Eric was the perfect boyfriend for 19-year-old me. Sure, our relationship was mostly based on a shared love of Spongebob and underage drinking, but that’s probably pretty normal for college couples. Since we weren’t yet in a phase of our lives where we needed to make major decisions, our relationship really didn’t hold me back from anything. But if I were to date him now, at age 28, that would not be the case.

I haven’t spoken to Eric much since we broke up, but I’m still friends with him on Facebook and I’m actually still pretty close with his mom, who sometimes gives me on updates on his life. Last time I checked, I saw he is now overweight and living in Colorado somewhere. I don’t know if he ever went back to college or what he’s doing for work, but it’s not Taco Bell.

And he got married to a girl who looks like a much better match for him than I was. He seems very happy. I actually remember writing a “congratulations” message on his Facebook wall when I saw the post about their wedding announcement. I was genuinely happy for him because he’s a super great guy who deserves a great marriage. Just not to me.