Why Compassion can lead to Effective Communication in Work?
“Compassion is to look beyond your own pain, to see the pain of others.” Yasmin Mogahed
Every day we practice and apply communication and yet it is still one of the biggest topics to polish and train in our education or work. As I would interpret great communication comes with great wisdom, I would like to share a few thoughts I have learned from my sales and team-leading career.
Communication is always a challenge
Every person perceives and understands messages differently. Every actions and message we express are at risk of misunderstanding or misinterpretation. There’s always a person (Or a group of people) in our lives we would label as,
I don’t understand why he/she would think in that way.
Why is he/she behaving like that? Especially he is aware of the stake in this project.
We often find it difficult to communicate with this person and as a result, we will be avoiding collaborating/working with him. Or to a worse extent, carrying his ass in the project and working overtime.
So, what exactly went wrong?
In my early days of work-life, I am a narcissistic bastard with a heavily inflated ego. Almost 90% of my starting sentence would be, “I think…”
The problem with this sentence is I am not communicating, I am convincing others to follow or agree with my thoughts. This comes in my nature and I am not well aware of this at the time. It took me a while and some painful lessons to realize I am not actually communicating. People might think effective communication is all about precise and concise. Just as our writing lesson teaches us. However, I believe communication requires much more than that.
When we talk about communication, most of the time we put our focus on the messages we try to deliver if it is well polished? However, we neglect the importance of listening.
When we deliver a command or an instruction to our colleague, we need to understand if it means the same to him/her. For instance,
- how does this task matter to him/her?
- What is his/her gain from this?
For an effective team, the most important thing is commitment. One of the most crucial factors in Scrum or any leadership course. It brings people together and personally commits to the tasks for achieving the team goals. If we can’t align the tasks with his/her personal gain, it would just be a “Responsibility task”. In another word, he/she will never be fully utilized/devoted to the task.
What's your suggestion/advice then?
I often mentor my team members before engaging in a work-related conversation, and try to think “What are you expecting them to answer?”
From a quick point of view, there are tons of reasons why the team member is underperforming. There is no way we know all the reasons beforehand. However, what we know is the expectation of the task and the importance of the role’s responsibilities. We need to align,
- Why does this task matter and its not just a simple repetitive task (Assuming the worst scenario)
- What you can learn from this
- If there is nothing you can learn from this, what is your opinion of the current standing? Is there room for improvement?
The first question is to make him understand what is at stake and why we are doing this. This is not a standard job. It is a serious matter to someone and somewhere!
The second question is to make this task personal to him/her. Make sure there are always gains for him/her.
The third question is to show appreciation, and appreciate his/her hard work to work through the task. With his mature understanding of the task, we value his opinions, It would be worth the time to investigate with a person who spent loads of time on this task. Surely, the suggestion would be insightful (Might not be applicable, but insightful)
People are complicated
Ideally, colleagues should be open-minded as the old-fashioned quote goes “It’s nothing personal, its straightly business”. However, wherever involves people, things are not as simple as it seems.
There are emotions, personal agendas, and much more to include. In order to manoeuvre all the factors, compassion and empathy are your ultimate weapon. Due to my past inflated ego, I always have a thought in my mind, “If he/she knows my past exactly and it would be understandable and reasonable why I am saying this”.
What I am saying in this sentence is asking for empathy. When we have empathy and compassion in mind, we can often relate matters on a personal level. At least to an extent of giving my non-working hands to the person. This gives a better chance of understanding the actual reason “What is his/her problem” and “Why is it underperforming”
In an ideal scenario, everyone has a direct link to each other and is able to show compassion and empathy thoroughly.
So… Is it still communicating, or convincing?
You might wonder when we bring the matter to a personal level, it does sound like a more intimate way to convince the other. It is true, ultimately the message delivers at work is always “objective-oriented”. Therefore, it is almost certain of trying to convince others to buy in. However, often I anticipate in the workspace is “People lack the idea to connect responsibilities and personal benefits”.
Be an active and engaged listener! Listen to what matters the most to him/her. Is it the payroll? Or career path? Or appreciation, fame? Mapped out a few potential attributes that predictively matter the most to him/her. And construct your communication flow according to test your theories! If he/she bites on one or the other way, take it deeper! It slowly gives you the idea of this person and what drives or motivates him/her.
Ultimately, I am sure you would arrive at an “Inspirational plan” for him/her that is motivational. Bringing the team closer and more committed. Remember,
It takes communication to convince. Not the other way round.
Reference: https://starcraft.fandom.com/wiki/Khala
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