Why Children From 12 Years And Older Are Called “Young Adults”
Children want to be adults sooner, than later, so they want to be called young adults instead. And apparently someone called their children like that, or there was an institution calling it this way, so everyone is talking about it like that. I think it is more like a trend that the reality is.
When my twelve-year-old daughter wants something — that could be anything, from food until hanging out with friends, she wants to be treated like an adult, but I know she is still a child. In some situations, you can treat her like an “adult”. I may not talk with diminutives. There are situations that I still have to treat her like a “child”. There are situations I can treat her like an “adult”. I talk to her in adult language. I mean with “treat her as an adult”, is that she can find her own way to school by searching it online on google maps. These small things. To learn her way through life. And through that way she needs to find things by herself.
I just realized this last September when my oldest daughter went to secondary school. She thought she belongs to the grown-ups now and all the diminutives in sentences were a no-go now. She has to make homework, doing things more without her parents, but how she thinks, is still like a child. If she needs to go to her orchestra rehearsal on Fridays, she can go by bike. But actually she wants to go by train and bus. The last option is a no-go for me because it is cheaper when she goes by bike. She just wants to sit relax on the bus. In this case, we have to find a consensus. Which is in my opinion — even not a case. I want her to go by bike.
So, as a parent, I have to let go of things sometimes and let her do things her own way to find out what she wants really works out for her. If it doesn’t work out for her, she eventually will come to me and ask me for some help. And then I can ask her why things didn’t work out for her as she hopes or planned for. Sometimes I want to help her before she makes mistakes, but this is a part of life, and a part of parenting too, to develop yourself, and part of growing up as a person, especially as a teenager.
I have to let go of things at these moments. But I can share my experiences with her from the same mistakes I made as a teenager, and I don’t want her to make the same mistakes. But eventually, she needs to learn it herself. I know that. And yet, there are situations I have to be the grown-up who is telling her what to do.
There are moments I really don’t want her to do things as she wants to, as they’re dangerous things to do. Then, I have to say no, because it will be dangerous, or even inappropriate things to do. Sometimes it is just a bad idea. Maybe it is just the company, like a bad friend who wants you to do bad things.
They are happy when their children are silent if the children are watching tv, or behind any other screen. But do they realize what it does with their eyes and brain? Even with their behavior?
Most parents do everything for their child because they think that is what parenting is all about, being their best friend and do everything together, buy stuff for them and name it whatever comes up. But what do they learn being behind a screen for almost seven hours per day? What do they learn when you, the parent, pay everything for them? What do they learn when you, the parent, look up the train timetable for them?
I am a firm believer, they can learn by doing things themselves, but you have to be their guide in their lives, but also have strict rules at home.
I think when you write, or even pronounce, “young adults” it does look fancier, but the children love it when they heard that they are some kind of “adults”. They hate it to be labeled as children. Technically and theoretically they are children, but they want to be treated like adults, because that is what they think they are when they are going to high school and doing more grown-up things, like going to festivals, pop concerts, hanging out with friends.
There are a thing, or even more things, why people will call teenagers “young adults”. but on the other side, as teenagers need to learn, their parents think also they can do fun things with friends, or let them be more free in whatever they do so, like being on their screens, having sleepovers, being out of the house more, doing more activities, you name it what is even possible.
Parents allow their children to do more things — for example, activities: three times Tennis practice and one tennis game, music lessons with concerts and so on. They don’t give their children boundaries. They want their children to have fun and do a lot of nice things with their friends or as a family. Above all, they want to be their best friends instead of being seen as a parent. I mean, I hear a lot that parents want to be nice parents and not that mean parent who says no when it is no. It must be yes all the time.
Parents will be more influenced by their friends, who are having kids too, but also parents at their children’s school. When someone influences you to do things while you’re actually allowing your child, but you’re doing it anyway, because you don’t to be looked by other parents, who are allowing that thing with their children.
Because of the influences they’ve got, they are doubting about their parenting skills. Which is not correct as every parent has their own parenting style. People see trends in parenting and are going with these trends, they see parents doing certain things differently than when they were children. People are more free in their parenting style. Like allowing their children going to the city with friends, alone and without other adults. At a certain age it can be fine, but not at the age of twelve, I believe.
Look, children developing in their own tempo, but there are things that you never may allow, like using drugs and smoking. It is also good to get to know their friends, so you know who is who, who their parents are and what they are doing (if their friends are worth trusting). If there are friends who are using drugs or smoking, look if their parents are using that too, for example. I wouldn’t allow my children to have any contact with these kinds of people as long as I am responsible for their lives.
If you have been through something, or you had bad or positive experiences, you have to tell your children at a certain age, so they understand the way you react and think about certain topics and issues they eventually are facing. Because they also have to know what hurts you the most, what makes you happy and what you think is best for your children. Of course, at the level how old your children are.
This story has been published earlier on Quora.
Agnes Laurens is a writer. She writes for the local newspaper. Agnes lives in Bunnik, The Netherlands, with her husband and three daughters. Writing is — aside from playing the violin — one of her passions since childhood. She is on Twitter and Instagram.
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