Summary

This article discusses the long-term effects of childhood trauma and the importance of addressing it, regardless of age.

Abstract

The author recounts their personal experience of confronting childhood trauma at the age of 49, emphasizing that such experiences have lasting impacts on an individual's life and relationships. The article highlights the negative health effects of unresolved childhood trauma, including an increased risk of heart disease, cancer, sleep disturbances, diabetes, depression, substance abuse, autoimmune disorders, and liver problems. The author also discusses how unhealed childhood trauma affects adult life, making communication, relationships, friendships, and pursuing goals more challenging. The piece concludes with the importance of healing and the strategies the author employs to aid their recovery process.

Opinions

The author believes that childhood trauma significantly impacts an individual's life and relationships in adulthood, making it crucial to address and heal from these experiences.
The author suggests that ignoring childhood trauma can have dire consequences for one's physical health and overall well-being.
The author emphasizes the importance of working on communication skills, as childhood trauma can often lead to defensive or reactive communication styles.
The author shares that they engage in various practices, such as therapy, reading, meditation, prayer, and tarot cards, to aid their recovery process.
The author implies that healing from childhood trauma requires consistent work and effort, but the benefits are worthwhile.

Why Childhood Trauma Has to Be Dealt With — No Matter How Old You Are

I just started really confronting my childhood trauma last year. I was 49 at the time. I was married for 28 years after my childhood, so shouldn’t that count more?

Why would anyone care about what happened to me 40+ years ago, anyway? Why can’t I “just get over it”?

It’s that none of us are a blank slate. People who have nurturing parents have a ton of advantages over those who haven’t. So much of how we relate to the world and each other is rooted in childhood. So is our definition of (or maybe our perception of) how much success is possible.

It’s that I didn’t get several key things that I needed to, from a developmental standpoint, so now I’m having to play catch up. Don’t forget that at this same time, I’m also trying to live without my soulmate, who died a little over two years ago.

Well, it turns out that my childhood and young adulthood were very impactful on how capable I am of taking care of myself now at 50. It’s actually been a bit of a challenging road to learn how to take care of myself because I was accustomed to how much my husband did for me or how many things didn’t get done at all. I’ve learned how to do everything well by now and I’m doing well overall. (My house is cleaner than I ever thought was possible.)

When we have childhood trauma — whether multiple, ongoing traumas or just one singular trauma — it doesn’t just go away if you decide you don’t want to deal with it.

How childhood trauma impacts your body

Childhood trauma is the “gift” that keeps on giving. If you had childhood trauma and have never gotten treatment for it, you’re at increased risk of the following:

Heart disease
Cancer
Sleep disturbances
Diabetes
Depression
Substance abuse (which has its own negative health effects)
Autoimmune disorders
Liver problems

I know my husband had sleep disturbances related to his own childhood trauma, even before he developed cancer. I have depression and sleep disturbances, as well as a family history of early heart disease.

Particularly if you have autoimmune disorders or are having difficulty getting a diagnosis, consider whether or not you have childhood trauma. If you do, no matter how deeply you’ve buried it, your body simply doesn’t forget. It always shows up somewhere in your life and it’s almost always a negative — sometimes it can even have a tragically huge impact. Trust me: I know.

Ignore it at your peril. Healing might just save your life.

How childhood trauma impacts your adult life

I guess the better question would be how doesn’t it affect your adult life?

Your relationships, your friendships, your sex life, your career, and your ability to pursue your goals are all made more difficult because of your unhealed childhood trauma.

Because of childhood trauma, your communication style probably needs some work. Many survivors of childhood trauma tend to be extremely defensive unless they’ve been making an active effort to be less emotionally reactive. (This makes sense because they fear being verbally attacked, usually because they have been before.)

Friendships are also challenging for many people who have significant childhood trauma and/or cPTSD. If you tend towards my side of things, you may be too trusting (though I’ve come a very long way in this regard) or overshare. Others push people away, unintentionally fulfilling their own prophecies that they’re supposedly “unlovable.”

I’ve seen lots of videos online (The Holistic Psychologist is one of my favorites, but there are many) showing typical communication problems, especially between avoidantly attached and anxiously attached partners. This pairing seems to happen a lot. Both partners misunderstand each other, often on a regular basis. But this is a cycle you can stop.

If you work on communication skills, you can get past this aspect of childhood trauma, but it will require consistent work. My late husband and I both worked very hard on communicating better with each other (although he still never let me do anything for him until near the very end.)

Basically, having a background of childhood trauma means that you’ll have to work hard for things that seem to come naturally to others, but it’s worth it. I’d say that I’m re-living my 20s the way I wish they had been but my neck pain reminds me of my actual age. (Although I am eating a rice krispie bar made with cocoa krispies right now, so maybe the age comparison isn’t so far off.)

I see qualified trauma therapists as I can afford it. I read a whole lot of therapy content online and in books. I’m making an effort to get outdoors and walk. I’m writing in a journal. I meditate every night before I fall asleep. I pray rosaries and I’m going to go sit in an adoration chapel soon. I read tarot cards. I also read the Bible, particularly the gospels.

These little routines aren’t much but for me, they’re the key to wellness and recovery. I can’t change what I didn’t get but I can help myself heal now.