Why Can’t We Have Pictures of Men Enjoying Sex?
Dear Men, we need your vulnerability.
I was editing an erotic poem. I realized the best picture to accompany it would be that of a man lost in sexual bliss. I wanted to see him arching his back as a woman took him, his mouth in a large, delicious O, eyes closed, a sweaty chest…
I wanted to see ecstasy.
What I found was seriousness.
I went to several stock photography sites, and I found many pictures of heterosexual couples having sex. In most of them, the woman in the equation is clearly aroused. The man? It seems he is reading the newspaper.
However, I was not surprised. After all, we live in a culture in which men are still not allowed to feel.
Be Cool, Dude
The problem goes beyond stock photography. Just check some sex scenes in movies or TV series — the woman screams or even cries. The man? Well, he might grunt as he thrusts into her; other than that, there are pretty much no emotions.
He is to remain stoic all the time as the woman in his arms comes undone. I have seen a few exceptions, but most of the time, they are for comic relief. As in, it is funny to watch a man lose himself into pleasure.
Isn’t that fucked up?
Where’s the shaking? The whimpering? The eye-rolling? The begging? Why don’t we get to see a man’s vulnerability? His passion?
Why do we keep asking dudes to remain cool at all times?
A Man
I find this paradigm of the ever stoic guy rather frustrating. I know there’s more to men than what we have been told.
Men get angry and swear, that’s right. But they also grab you by the back of the neck and pull you into them to whisper the sweetest things. They open up their heart and expose their weaknesses. They laugh and cry.
And yes, during sex, they get lost in pleasure. Penetration is important, but I know for a fact they also crave to feel skin on skin, and to marvel in the beauty of sharing a moment with their partner.
Why do we keep portraying men as fucking machines?
Everybody Suffers
When we refuse to see men in all of their vulnerable glory, we all lose something. I truly believe this is why we see such a high male suicide rate: we still find it odd when a man allows himself to feel. There’s judgment and mocking.
It has been more than enough.
Dear Men, I want to let you know few things are as delicious as watching you be human. Your vulnerability makes you more appealing than you can imagine.
Especially in the bedroom.
It makes me shiver to watch the pleasure on your face just because I am touching you. It melts my heart to hear you whimper, to witness how your body trembles in delight.
At that moment, the world and its idiotic standards disappear. It’s just you and me in a room. It’s us, as one.
So, please, ignore the traditional messages. We need you, all of you. Your strength yes, but, above all, your heart. Dear Men, the world craves your vulnerability. Please, leave the old paradigms behind.