Why can’t I get my life together?”: 7 habits that are definitely holding you back
If you’ve ever asked yourself this question or if you’re asking yourself right now, know that you’re not alone. Because the truth is we all feel that way at times.
The reality is, getting your life back on track is difficult, but you can choose to do things that will make life easier. The most important habits we establish aren’t what time we wake up or how often we drag our butts to the gym.
The things that lead to greater happiness and success are much deeper than that. The problem is that some habits can be so ingrained that we don’t even notice them. But if you notice any of the following, it’s time to get rid of them immediately, because they are definitely holding you back.
1) Getting stuck in a defeatist attitude
Pessimism is a downward spiral that is difficult to escape.
Unfortunately, when we expect bad things to happen, they tend to find us. I’m also not talking about some mystical law of attraction, it’s more practical than that. Our thoughts play an important role not only in how we feel but also in how we perform.
Research has shown that optimists tend to be more successful, have better love lives, are healthier, more resilient and even live longer. Negative thinking sets you up for failure because you are more likely to give in when you already expect the worst.
Confirmation bias means you unconsciously look for things that confirm your existing negative beliefs.
“Why bother” will then become your unspoken mantra. It may not change overnight, but you can choose your mindset and work to change it.
I know this to be true because I changed my pessimistic outlook as a teenager to the much more optimistic one I have now. Not only was it the most empowering decision I’ve ever made, but it was also the most important decision for my overall health.
I know it’s not always like that, but even when life is hard, we can still find ways to stay positive.
2) Defining yourself by your past
You’ve probably heard how mindfulness has many benefits for your mental health.
One of the many things it does is help you free yourself from the burdens of the past. What is done is done. The most important thing is the here and now. That’s really all, everything else exists only as thoughts and memories. The past can hold us back in life when we hold on to what happened.
We let our mistakes, guilt, shame, grief, and pain hold us captive. When you don’t learn to let go of the past, you may find that it defines you. It is important to accept, let go and forgive your past. Learn from your life lessons, but don’t carry them around like a heavy load around your neighbor.
Whoever you were yesterday, you don’t have to be tomorrow.
3) Not fully considering what it is that you want
It must not be forgotten: It’s hard to take control of your life when you’re not sure what you really want. It’s easy to get lost in a sea of absurdity. We may wander around trying to find things that make us feel good about ourselves, even if it’s short-lived.
This can quickly lead us to seek fool’s gold or external validation. Finding purpose and building a fulfilling life requires us to get in touch with our core values. Ask yourself what is most important to you, what brings the best out of you, where can you be most helpful?
The more you know what your happy life should look like (not what other people think it should look like), the easier it will be for you to achieve it.
4) Staying in your comfort zone
You probably already know what you want in life, but getting there is the hard part. Well, unfortunately, what they say is true: Everything you want is on the other side of fear.
We will have to :
- Confront our discomfort
- Push past our fear of failure
- Build our resilience so we learn how to bounce back from setbacks
- Lean into the messiness of life
Comfort zones make us feel safe but they are the enemy of change. You must be able to get out of yourself if you want to leave behind things that no longer serve you.
5) Falling into procrastination and always putting things off
We’ve established that getting your life back together isn’t exactly a walk in the park. Whenever we are faced with what seems like a gigantic task, we shy away.
Instead of rolling up your sleeves and getting started, it all seems too difficult. We become overwhelmed when we don’t know what to do or where to start and get lost in procrastination.
You may blame yourself for lack of self-control or laziness, but procrastination has nothing to do with it.
What’s really behind the desire to put things off until another day is the negative atmosphere we create around a task. These are the feelings we are actually running away from.
But the most interesting thing is that the more we hide, the worse we feel. There is no other way, procrastination is the enemy so we must find a way to defeat it.
6) Making excuses instead of taking full responsibility
A difficult time to love: Life doesn’t care about our pity parties. There are no prizes or rewards given to those most in need.
Even if we think the hand we’ve been dealt is unfair, the harsh reality is that complaining won’t make a difference. When we look for reasons why our lives are the way they are, they often become excuses. “I can’t rest.” “My parents never supported me.” “My teachers were terrible and I was caught in the throes of a failing school system. »
My ex destroyed my self-esteem and now I don’t believe in myself anymore. All of the above may be true. But what is also true is that you have the right to decide what you do with these facts. Looking for someone else or something to blame only makes you a victim.
This doesn’t mean we can’t express our feelings or seek support: both of these are extremely important. But essentially, you have to realize that taking responsibility for your life is 100% up to you.
I’m sorry to say, no one will save you. Whenever you find a reason why something in life isn’t going the way you want it to or why you can’t do something you wish you could do, dig deeper. Ask yourself: is this a reason or an excuse? The two probably overlap more than you’d like to admit.
7) Not recognizing your progress
I don’t know your personal circumstances. But chances are, if you’re like all of us, life has thrown a few bumps in your path. It can kick your butt and make you feel depressed about life.
When we are in the midst of change, we don’t always notice it. However, the simple fact that you are asking yourself "Why can’t I get my life back" shows something important: You want more. You want to create positive change. This in itself is always an important first step.
Because we can only grow if we are willing to ask such questions. We’ve talked a lot about how we need to challenge ourselves, but this should always be balanced with self-care and compassion. Nothing good comes from fighting. This will only demotivate you.
Every time we zoom in too far, we don’t realize how far we’ve come in life. But when we zoom out, we realize that we are no longer the same people we were 5, 10, 15 years ago. We can see the challenges we have faced and the obstacles we have overcome. Be sure to pat yourself on the back for each one.
Incorporate a gratitude practice into your daily routine to remind yourself to look for the bright side of life. Pay attention to what you already have for yourself. Finally, instead of lamenting what went wrong, focus on what went right.
Even if it’s the smallest things, always acknowledge the small wins. These are the things that will give you the motivation and encouragement to keep going.
If you want to move forward, start asking this vital question…
Once you have identified the habits that may be holding you back, the next important question is:
“How can I get my life back? »
Because inspired action is an essential part of building your confidence and welcoming positive change. Decide one thing you can do to help you get your life back.
This could be quitting a bad habit, improving your self-esteem or achieving an ambition you have. Your journey to perfecting your work begins with one small step.
Written By Kashi Writes