Why Body Positivity Should Include Loving Your Period

Discover the eye-opening power of connecting with your natural cycle

A huge shift has been happening in our society as we move closer to body positivity, self-acceptance, and mindfulness. People are growing conscious of their instincts, seek presence, have more compassion for their own selves.

And yet most of us still hate our periods.

We see them as inconvenient burdens. They make us miserable. They can never be over soon enough. Some of us still blush whenever we’re forced to mention them.

I used to hate my own so much, I would use hormonal contraception just to get rid of it. Being on my period was always a bother.

But I found an easy way out.

If I kept taking the pills without the supposed monthly break, I could easily just skip it. Just this once, I’d tell myself.

But the next month, a friend had a huge party just as I was due. And the next month was the first weekend of proper summer weather. And the next month a long road trip to the mountains.

10 years.

For 10 years, I kept not having periods for as long as six months at a time. When I felt too guilty about it, I would let it happen once or twice, and then avoid it again for months on end.

I spent my twenties completely boycotting the bodily function which should have been cherished the most.

I thought I was in control of my body, in control of my life. Except I wasn’t. It took a complete change of mindset to realize I had it all wrong.

Why are periods socially-awkward?

There’s a perfectly good reason why so many of us are feeling so negative about our periods.

This feeling has been passed from generation to generation.

It’s what we’ve been taught.

We’ve been taught why periods happen and how our ovaries work. Very briefly. In cold technical terms. We’ve been told how to deal with it like it’s a painful cold sore.

Get it out of the way and don’t talk about it. Especially not with the boys!

Many of us have been made fun of at school whenever we’d take our mortifying toiletry bag with us to the toilet.

We’ve been conditioned to feel anxious.

And so we have built a big fat barrier. Just like we have been told. ‘Keep it discreet’, they said, ‘no one must know’.

Your mind-body connection matters

I’m now in my early thirties, and I’ve only just started to properly learn about my cycle.

I’ll let that sink in for a second.

It all started with ditching the pill. After around 13 years of using it, my intuition FINALLY managed to get through to me and started ringing loud alarm bells.

And that’s when I realized I didn’t have a clue.

When you’ve been altering your body functions with artificial hormones for so long, you become rather flat. There’s no ups or downs, the emotional curve becomes one straight line. You only respond to the outside triggers.

Everything you’ve been supposed to feel coming from the inside, from your very core, is suppressed. Censored. Abolished.

And you think it’s amazing. There are no emotional outbursts. Virtually no cramps. Your relationships don’t suffer from mood swings. You don’t have to say no. You’ve literally managed to outsmart nature.

But in reality?

You’ve lost part of yourself. You’ve tricked your own body to reject its natural self. You ended up treating it as a separate entity.

About 3 months after I stopped taking the pill, I slowly started drifting back from this thick fog of denial. I started feeling and knew I was ready.

I was ready to take residence in my body again.

I wrestled my way through all the new sensations, feelings and pains that intensified with every additional pill-free month.

I was amazed by the sky highs of unbelievable energy, physical stamina, intoxicating bursts of happiness, and a sex drive at times almost unbearable. And I was equally taken away by how quickly these sky highs would change into hard landings obstructed by layers of brain fog.

I discovered the sudden heaviness of being which turns your day into an attempt to walk knee-deep in mud with a ball chained to your leg.

It’s hard, but you are alive.

I wanted to know more. I needed to know more to learn how to work with it.

What actually happens

Developing a more holistic understanding of your whole cycle will help you find a space for it in your heart. You’ll find a new respect for what this amazing body of yours can do.

Like the 4 seasonal changes, your cycle runs through 4 repetitive phases. And keeping it natural allows you to soon start recognizing patterns. Once you know precisely why something is happening, it’s easier to accept, make peace with, and embrace.

Your cycle in a (super simplified) nutshell:

Follicular Phase (think of it as Spring) — Your freshly cleansed body is waking up and starting the process of growing new eggs. Both ovaries get to work and produce multiple eggs each. Towards the end of this phase, the strongest and healthiest egg gets pushed forward.

Ovulation Phase (think of it as Summer) — A perfect, ripe, fertile egg is released from one of your ovaries. Expectations are high. Everyone seems sexy. This is the time to be mindful. If you don’t want to get pregnant, switch to a high-security mode.

Luteal Phase (think of it as Autumn) — The mature egg travels further down, waiting to be fertilized. Changes happen in the uterus — increase in estrogen and progesterone prepare it for possible fertilization by creating a special lining. When it doesn’t happen, the egg starts to break down and the lining begins to shed.

Menstruation Phase (think of it as Winter) — Your unfertilized egg is broken down and dissolved. It’s passed down through the uterus along with the shedded wall lining until all of it gets flushed out of your body.

Suddenly it hit me.

Our cycle forms part of an ancient, primal setup. One that we have in common with all other female-bodied animals on Earth. The most profound need of all. The need to procreate, and therefore survive.

Our entire reproduction system is built on that need.

And although our evolved brains have separated us from other animals in many ways, this ancient ability driven by hormones remains the same.

And the reason why the latter phases of your cycle can be so unpleasant is that your body is literally disappointed.

During ovulation, all these perfect fertile eggs are created inside of you, ready to be brought to life. But every time they don’t get fertilized, your body has to take all that beautiful work, and break it down again, as if it was no good.

To our body, the period is a sad reminder of a wasted effort. That’s why it tends to be so hard. That’s why we feel it so much.

Even if our rational mind is telling us otherwise. It’s why we should be gentle with ourselves, instead of frustrated. It’s why we need to appreciate our body, especially when things get tough.

It’s also why I no longer choose to eat eggs or drink cow’s milk. I simply can’t contribute to the exact same reproductive functions of others being used for profit anymore.

Grow through accepting your pain

Mind blown, I started to understand that I still held the key. But this time, the key is not to alter the natural rhythms anymore. Instead, I knew it’s better to sync up the mind with the body.

Appreciating your period forms a giant part of building a healthier relationship with your body.

First, empower yourself through knowledge of what’s physically happening.

Then, take full advantage of the days you feel positive, feminine, powerful and creative.

And don’t resist the hard days.

Rest.

Allow yourself to cancel that meeting. The world’s not going to stop turning. Period pain is a perfectly valid reason to take the day off.

When circumstances don’t let you slow down, take the day by the hour. Keep a supply of whatever offers you some comfort.

Give yourself compassion and love. You’re doing amazing.

When you can, take five to sit with the pain. Sit with the heavy emotions. Reassure yourself you know why it’s happening. Your body is working. The pain will pass. Soon enough you’ll go home.

Before you go to sleep at night, recall any patterns you recognized during the day. Write them down. Make notes about what made you feel better that day.

Track the intensity of your cramps. From 1 to 10, how bad was it today?

Through this practice, I’ve learned that one of my ovaries seems to have it worse than the other. Every other month, I experience significantly more physical pain.

A few months down the line, you’ll be able to see exactly what challenges tend to come up for you the most, and when. You’ll know how to nurture your way through them.

Knowledge helps remove stress.

Even when your period does hurt, and hurts bad, you can now accept it for what it is. It can’t take you by surprise anymore.

Share to empower

In some parts of the world, people are still discriminated against and pushed aside for having periods.

That’s why it’s crucial we break through the walls where we can, and start making conversations about periods normal.

Because that’s what periods are. Normal. Half of the entire world population has them.

It’s shocking something so miraculous and natural should still be looked down upon.

Being open to sharing our true experiences is extremely powerful.

And we have evolved. So it’s time to stop blushing, and start sharing.

(This is just my personal experience with the pill. I fully acknowledge how lucky I was to have had easy access to effective birth control.)