Coronavirus | Personal Stories

Why Birthdays are More Important than Ever

Celebrating life amid a pandemic

Birthdays meant the world to me until it didn’t. I can’t put my finger on when exactly it happened, but birthdays grew less significant for me over time.

As a child, my parents indulged my wishes and organised birthday parties for me on two occasions. On hindsight, they weren’t anything special. They were your run of the mill gathering of children going wild in an apartment. To some of my friends’ parents, they were probably opportunities to steal two hours of peace and serenity for themselves.

I was thrilled to receive presents because it was physical evidence that people cared enough. It sounds materialistic but what’s not to love? It also mattered less what I received but whether I received anything. Receiving presents on my birthday made me feel like a kid in a candy store, but better.

For my parties, I wanted my friends to feel just as loved. No child left my parties empty-handed. My parents and I would wrap and prepare gifts, displaying them on the coffee table way in advance. Then, we designed party games to distribute gifts to the other children as prizes. In one game, the gift was wrapped under layers of newspaper and passed around an enclosed circle. Each time the music stopped, the person holding on to the parcel unwraps one layer of newspaper. Whoever unwraps the last layer gets to keep the gift! I was the birthday kid but I was also that 8-year-old living the DJ dream, jamming to a Backstreet Boys record from my parents’ collection. And of course, the game was rigged to ensure every kid left the party with a gift. Surprise! There was nothing random about the music stopping at a particular person. I can’t imagine why nobody called me out on that. Right, we were eight. Equality doesn’t just happen sporadically even for eight-year-olds.

Turning 21 is a huge milestone in my country because it symbolised a coming of age of sorts. It meant insurance companies began to view you as an adult. It meant the right to vote. With the significance accorded to being 21, peers my age were organising these fancy parties on yachts, in chalets or five-star hotels, complete with tiered cakes, dessert tables and lots of champagne. Our parties were as close as it gets to those thrown by the Youngs in Crazy Rich Asians except a lot less glitzy though we do try.

(Note: Crazy Rich Asians is not representative of the majority of us. Believe me, it’s not even close. We don’t all have meandering driveways surrounded by overarching trees leading up to gates betraying glimpses of marble fountains and sculpted gardens.)

That year, I chose to politely decline any party invitations. I still sent a gift along in some instances so it wasn’t that I was too stingy on gifts. I can’t explain the rationale behind my actions even now.

For my birthday, I spent it quietly on campus. Since I removed my birth date across all of my social media platforms, I went to class with most of my classmates not knowing either. It just wasn’t that big of a deal. To me, I had spent the better half of 2019 travelling and I do not regret leaving a glamorous location for my birthday out of my budgeting concerns. I visited Melbourne in January, Indonesia in April, Thailand in May and Melbourne-Sydney again in July. I had spent all my savings accumulated from working 11 hours a day travelling and seeing the world. Life never felt more exhilarating.

Even though I wanted to spend my 21st birthday quietly, my friends refused to stay away. They threw a surprise party for me in my shared apartment on campus (much to the dismay of my studious floor mates). My friends are amazing and I am grateful that they came blundering into my life in their trademark boisterous manner.

Celebrating Birthdays Amid a Pandemic

Flash forward to 2020 and it’s the age of social distancing. We fear for our lives and the lives of our loved ones. Out of that fear, we stay separated by walls and empty streets. It is not natural but we abide by the guidelines.

Last weekend, the New York Times featured the names of all the lives lost to Covid-19 on its front page, sending a poignant message across the world. The stakes are high and these people are not just numbers and statistics. They have left behind families and friends who likely have been unable to mourn their loved ones as a community. When we grieve, we huddle and cry but we also gather and chuckle over the happy memories. Covid-19 has prevented us from doing all of that.

With rising death tolls and graphic images depicting coffins piling up in rooms, birthdays are becoming more important than ever.

While we collectively mourn the lives lost to Covid-19, let’s also remember to celebrate life by expressing our appreciation for our loved ones for being a part of our lives.

Let's work around the situation and think of innovative ways to celebrate birthdays. As Shasta Nelson, a friendship expert, suggests in an interview with the New York Times,

“we should think about something we can do to make our friends feel seen and loved. That could mean organizing a group effort online or reaching out to connect one to one. Just be authentic to what feels right for your relationship.”

Whether we choose to do any of the following:

• sending a private message,
• posting a birthday shoutout on social media,
• hosting virtual Zoom parties (or even Animal Crossing ones), or
• sending couriers bearing gifts and food,

… we can find ways and means to demonstrate that we remember and that we care even if we are miles apart.