Why Being Unfaithful Can Be So Exciting
That’s a fine line between a hard-on and a low blow
A few days ago while driving home after a long and tiring day at work, I overheard two girls on the bus talking about wanting to cheat on their boyfriends. I don’t give a shit about other people’s lives, but I was so close to them that I could hear their entire conversation. And that made me question a few things…
They talked about how their relationship with their partners was not going well, about how the boys left them aside to play online games with virtual friends — There were many complaints towards their partners, until one of the girls, very irritated, says that when they were betrayed would value them.
They must have been about 17 each, so I thought it might be an age thing. But when I think about it, some people have a fetish for infidelity — And that’s when I put my two neurons to work: is being unfaithful really that exciting?
For the author Esther Perel, creator of the book The State of Affairs, there are four main basic reasons why people cheat, even living in a dream relationship. Which ones are they?
- self-exploration
- Seductive nature of betrayal
- The fascination of unlived lives
- Being able to feel new emotions
Particularly I don’t see sensuality in betrayal. I enjoy the moment I spend with my partner and I feel that our greatest fun is to make crossings between “four walls.”
But what caught my attention the most while listening to the conversation between the two girls was the casual way they talked about the topic. I wondered: is this something common nowadays?
They casually talked about meeting several “pretty kittens” who were interested in both of them. They talked about how hanging out with immature boys was boring and not exciting — Honestly, to some extent, I agree with them, but in my point of view there is no reason to cheat on someone just as a form of punishment.
But leaving aside the girls’ point of view, I decided to think a little about the topic of cheating and whether there is any sense in understanding it as something sensual and exciting. And as incredible as it sounds, cheating can be quite a turn-on if you’re doing it to feel new emotions.
“What the hell are you talking about…”
I also had this reaction the first time I thought about it. However, digging deeper into my studies, I found research that revealed that 63% of BDSM enthusiasts have cheated in a committed relationship.
What’s so important about that? Perhaps the fact that 13% of respondents during this study commented that they cheated on their partners because of the seductive nature that cheating provides them. Or maybe it’s because 17% of respondents have cheated on their partners due to “a desire to seek a new sense of self”.
And that makes a lot of sense. After all, the fear and excitement of being caught cheating on our partners can activate the dopamine hormone in our brain, which is also well known as “the chemistry of pleasure”. This hormone, when activated, can make people’s bodies extremely sensitive to feeling any excitement — and that can become something very sensual for some people.
That is the fear, the desire, the feeling of doing something forbidden — All of this helps to make betrayal attractive in people’s eyes. These elements convey the idea that cheating can be exciting and pleasurable, but it is just another trap to break hearts and destroy relationships.
In my view, none of this is exciting. I understand that some people might see an advantage in something like that, but I don’t support that kind of idea. I have already been betrayed once and I know how painful and shocking it can be when it comes from the person we least expect it to be — Therefore, I believe that I am already “vaccinated” against this type of “disturbed feeling of pleasure.”
Overall, we can understand how cheating can pass the aspect of being interesting to some people. In fact, when we feel that we are doing something forbidden, our body acts differently, and this can bring some “spicy” sensations to the fore — But don’t let yourself get carried away by that moment of madness to commit something that you will regret later.
Thanks for reading. Have a great day!
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