Why Being “Single” on Valentine’s Day is Actually the Best
Here’s a hint: it has to do with the 5 Love Languages
It’s that time of year again: Valentine’s Day is here and single people have mixed feelings about it… and why wouldn’t we?
The media presents us with contradictory representations of single life, but the most pervasive narrative is that singleness is an affliction that needs a cure. 20 years ago, Dustin Barnes created “Singles Awareness Day” in response. This unofficial holiday encouraged people to enjoy their singleness (and discounted candy) instead of bonding over their disdain for couples, PDA, and all things love-related. 11 years ago, the “Galentine’s Day” episode of Parks & Recreation aired, creating another “holiday” for women to spend time with their friends and celebrate platonic love. Both of these holidays share one common theme:
“It don’t have to be lonely being alone “ — Chloe x Halle
When Emma Watson said in 2019 that she’s not single, she’s “self-partnered”, social media was flooded with memes mocking her presumed refusal to admit to the shame of late-20s singleness. Sadly, like most things on the internet, the quote was taken out of context and some people missed the point she was trying to make.
Your relationship status is not the marker of happiness or success.
It is normal and healthy to want a romantic and/or sexual partner. Unfortunately, the default assumption is that if you don’t have one, there is something about you (personality, appearance, net worth, etc.) that is undesirable or not up to par. This may not be a conscious attitude you hold, but over time, you’ve likely internalized this message and it has affected your behavior and self-esteem.
Sometimes, I find myself thinking, “I would like to __________, but I have no one to do it with, so I can’t”. This mindset led me to re-examine my idea of self-partnership.
Without realizing it, we often categorize pleasure, comfort and happiness as feelings we get from others, and forget that we are capable of providing these experiences to ourselves.
The isolation of quarantine and limitations of our virtual social lives make being alone this Valentine’s Day even harder. However, we can still experience love and romance from the comfort of our homes!
Whenever I am feeling lonely, I choose something from my “Self-Love List”. I created this list after learning that the 5 Love Languages that are often discussed in romantic relationships also apply to the ways we care for ourselves. I wrote down everything that brought me joy, made me feel appreciated and reminded me that I was loved, then separated them into the five categories: Words of Affirmation, Physical Touch, Quality Time, Acts of Service and Giving/Receiving Gifts. After trying a few things from the list, it was easy to see what Emma Watson meant. It’s empowering to know that you are capable of enjoying your own company and loving yourself in a way no one else can.
“True love happens when you’re by yourself.” — Lizzo
Here are 5 ways to show yourself some love this Valentine’s Day (based on your love language):
Words of Affirmation
Write yourself a love letter! Describe (in detail) all the things you love about yourself and why. You can also speak self-love affirmations out loud. Look in the mirror and tell yourself, “I am loved and lovable”, “I love myself unconditionally”, and “I am my own true love”.
Physical Touch
You deserve to feel good! Give yourself a massage, do a multi-step skincare routine, and dress in your comfiest clothes. Be intentional about the ways you touch your skin and truly feel the benefits of luxurious self-care.
Quality Time
Taking a walk, dedicating time to your hobbies and journaling are all examples of quality time. My personal favorite is having a movie marathon! Grab your favorite snacks and a blanket, then spend the night watching your favorite films. When you spend quality time with yourself, you always get to pick the movie.
Acts of Service
Do something special to show yourself that you appreciate you! Order in and enjoy your favorite meal, then run yourself a nice, warm bath. Then, set the mood with candles, rose petals, and your favorite music. Make sure to prepare ahead of time so when you’re ready, everything is conveniently laid out. All you have to do is enjoy it!
Giving/Receiving Gifts
Do you like roses, candy, and stuffed animals? What about jewelry, books, or Le Creuset cookware? Instead of waiting for someone to get it for you, treat yourself! No need to worry about a gift receipt; no one knows what you like better than you!
No matter how you choose to spend this Valentine’s Day, remember that you are your own true love! Being single today gives you the chance to do whatever makes you feel happy with no judgement. If you have been denying yourself romance, tenderness and exciting experiences because you have “no one to do it with”, take a look in the mirror and tell me what you see. Like Billie Eilish said, “I know I’m supposed to be unhappy without someone… but aren’t I someone?”
Yes. You are.
Thank you so much for reading! To read more like this, follow me on Medium. I’d love to meet you! Connect with me on social media here :)
Camryn Easley is a freelance writer and content creator at Jupiter in Pisces. She combines her background in Psychology and penchant for personal storytelling to make mental/emotional wellness and self-healing accessible to the Millennial and Gen Z audiences.
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