Why Being in an Interracial Couple is Not as Black and White as it Seems

Teaching a white man how to raise black kids.

I’ve never wanted kids. Ever.

When I was a kid, I once asked my parents why they were required to take care of me.

They explained to me the process of marriage, starting a family, being a parent, so on and so forth.

I was about 5 or 6 years old at the time, and my response was, “So you mean to tell me that when I grow up, I have to meet someone, have a child, and be legally responsible to take care of them for 18 years?”.

“Why would I want to do that?”

Nowadays, I wouldn’t exactly put it as harshly as when I was younger, but the overall idea still remains in the back of my head.

I will say though, maturing has inspired me to begin keeping more of an open mind.

My boyfriend wants kids.

He’s my best friend, so if I were to have a baby, I would definitely want it to be by him.

If we did, we both know that chapter of our book is some ways away.

But, of course, we’ve still talked about it.

One of the main topics we usually land on when discussing our hypothetical future children, is how we’d raise them.

My boyfriend is an average looking white man from England. I’m a black girl from LA.

Do I think this man would be an amazing father? Absolutely.

But clearly, we grew up very differently. And although, we’re always pushing to learn more about each other’s pasts and experiences, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with wondering if we’d be on the same page, as parents.

But the fact of the matter is, if we were to have children, they would be black.

My boyfriend… is not black.

And again, it’s not that I don’t think he’ll make a great father, I just want him to be prepared for the different experiences and norms that black people deal with on a day-to-day basis.

Here are a few of the examples I’ve explained to him so far:

Malicious Vs. Ignorance

When I was in middle school, a white girl I was friends with at the time asked me if I was able to get sunburnt being that I’m black.

I didn’t take any offense to it. Still don’t.

Because I know, no matter how rude the comment may sound, the girl didn’t mean it in a malicious way.

Many people hate to admit it, but it’s still a vastly ignorant world we live in.

And there is a great deal of white people out there that still do not have much experience being around black people, or worse, people of color in general.

So even though her comment sounded a little racist, I could tell it was more subconsciously racist and she didn’t mean it the way it came out.

Understanding the difference of a person that is being malicious, and of a person that is just a little ignorant is keen.

I’ve gotten tons of racist comments thrown at me during this lifetime, some intentionally malicious, others not.

But to take offense to every comment, even towards the comments that weren’t intended to by hurtful, is pointless and tiresome.

Instead, re-educate them.

Black Hair

My boyfriend and I have been dating for several years now. And throughout these years he has gotten to experience my plethora of hairstyles, Goddess braids, Locs, corn rows, wigs, and his favorite, my natural hair.

He’s sat through the long, painful hours of installing and uninstalling braids.

He’s witnessed the kinkiness of my natural hair.

He knows the time, effort and care it takes to do and maintain black hair. And he understands that it’s no walk in the park.

I’m not saying I’m going to force this man to become a part time cosmetologist just to make sure our kids look right.

But let’s say I’m not around for very long (God forbid).

Understanding the difference is what’s important. And from there he can either learn how to care for it himself or find someone who can.

The Talk

And this isn’t referring to the birds and bees.

The talk is an important conversation held in most black homes.

It’s the moment when the parent finally has to explain to the child that the way they look matters.

It’s the discussion of how to survive as a black person in white America.

Because of the way they look they cannot always get away with certain actions and behaviors as other people that are not black, without the fear of potential false allegations, harm, and most importantly, death.

The talk is crucial for black children, almost especially for young black boys.

Obviously, my boyfriend did not receive “the talk” growing up. But just having a black girlfriend alone, makes him a bit more on-edge, so I have no worries that he’ll go above and beyond with protecting our hypothetical rugrats.

To conclude, I’d just like to say that this article only discusses white and black couples because that is the situation, I am currently in.

An interracial relationship can be difficult for any two races, not just white and black.

The best advice I can give for anyone in an interracial relationship is to accept and understand one another's cultures and love each other nonetheless.

I don’t see much going wrong if you can just do that.

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