Why Being Happy Just Isn’t Enough

Contentment vs Happiness

If you make a direct comparison between your own goals and others around you, you will see that they are all pretty similar.

They usually follow this trend:

1. I want to be happy (Happiness)

2. I want to be financially stable / make loads of money/ no money issues (Money)

3. I want to be recognised/ heard/ respected (Power)

4. I want to have children (Family)

Happiness, money, power and family.

The above objectives are all interwind. If you are financially stable/ make loads of money, you are likely to be in positions of power and thereafter likely to be heard amongst the crowd. You will likely be more successful at finding a partner, have off spring and your happiness will likely follow suit. However, if we manage to get to a position of such relative stability, other objectives seem to spring up, objectives that the vast majority of us never really achieve but aim towards or ‘do one day’.

These other goals, I think, fundamentally reside in contentment.

If you take a moment to differentiate happiness with contentment (a state of satisfaction), it is quite interesting. The Oxford dictionary almost has the same meaning for both, but in my opinion they are quite different. You can be happy but not content. Contentment is rarely fulfilled, it’s that inner urge that makes you want to do more, see more, be more. It is that moment you wake up and think ‘What can I do differently today than yesterday?’

The differentiation between happiness and contentment, I think anyhow, is quite big.

You may be happy, have a stable income and a family, but the fundamental urge to do more, seek more, explore more will still remain. It is pretty human that we all want to be heard and be extraordinarily great. We are never content with being average or just about managing. Those who say they are, I think, are usually lying or of the very rare few. Rather unsurprisingly, the use of the word happy has actually decreased in the literature over the century. I suspect the use of the word contentment has also risen.

‘Whats the next big money move?’

My barber (back in the days they were actually functioning, now my attempt at cutting my own hair has boiled down to a ‘COVID Buzz cut’) would say this phrase every time I visited him. He would list his different investment plans and ideas to me even though he had a well attended, functioning barber shop, a family and a consistent income.

I would argue that he was ‘happy’ but not ‘content’.

I remember thinking in a similar way, it allowed me to see the bigger picture then and quite rightly my parents advised me to focus on my education first. Education is probably the easiest and best method to obtain objectives 2 and 3 (financial stability and power). It also presents a whole host of opportunities that I wont delve into, but it is primarily the quickest manoeuvre up the social paradigm ladder; nothing really competes.

As Nelson Mandela said “Education is the most powerful weapon that you can use to change the world”

Contentment.

You can never feel truly content unless you have reached a stage where you realise you cannot do or give anymore, and have given and done more than what you originally set out to achieve.

Let me try and explain. You know the feeling where you want to set up a fundraiser, help unwell children across the globe, set up a charity, fight for human rights, join the WHO (I was an intern in Geneva and thoroughly enjoyed my time, learnt a lot about health policy, government intervention and bureaucracy- I will hopefully write another piece on that soon), or just see the world? Well you’re not alone, everyone has those thoughts but only a rare few fulfil them. Why?

Tim Grover’s book “Relentless” which I have just finished reading (fun book) differentiates people into coolers, closers and cleaners. To summarise briefly; coolers are ok, closers are awesome, cleaners are unstoppable — Michael Jordan, Kobe Bryant, Barack Obama, Bill Gates. They are relentless, seemingly always get the job done whatever it takes. They are able to focus on objectives and stop at nothing to achieve them. I loved the book because it allows you to reflect on who you are and how to win and always win.

It is prime time to acknowledge or even fulfil your contentment or at least plan to. Identify an objective outside of your normal practices that you want to achieve, it doesn’t have to be grand but something that’ll give you a buzz and keep you on your feet. Taking risks are what ‘cleaners’ do, but they don’t rely on luck to achieve their goals; they plan strategically and work towards them.

Yes, you can be happy, but fulfilling your contentment is a whole different ball game. As Tim put it, never settle, finish and move on.

Next.