Why Aren’t You Happy?

You simply lack time.

I like to think of happiness as a form of self-care.

• I engage in it daily.
• It became a habit.
• I practice it even on worse days.

Happiness is not a destination. In fact, when you chase happiness, you are making yourself miserable. Happiness is a process. It is a state of the NOW.

I do not always wake up ecstatic and stumble upon happiness once I jump out of bed. Optimism is a skill I have learned to master.

They say happiness takes work.

I disagree.

It takes mental discipline.

How can we train our mind to become happier?

The answer lies in slowing down and becoming mindful of every emotion stored in our bodies and thoughts residing in our minds. Those are not only elevated sensations, but also uncomfortable feelings. Mindfulness gives us space and permission for both.

A recent study revealed that mental awareness — the matching of thought to action — is a much better predictor of happiness.

Mindfulness involves intentionally and repeatedly bringing one’s attention to thoughts, feelings, and sensations as they arise in the present moment. It invites us to suspend judgment and unleash our natural curiosity about the functioning of the mind, approaching our lives with warmth and kindness to ourselves and others.

Mindfulness alters the brain. Every time we engage in a new activity, we stimulate neuroplasticity. Thus, activate our grey matter, full of newly sprouted neurons that have not yet been groomed for “autopilot” brain.

What throws us off?

We rush through life.

Instead of appreciating every stage we are in, the constant rush of dopamine and instant gratification lures us into an illusive hamster wheel.

We believe once we get that promotion, post that photo, tick off the next holiday destination, we will finally earn that happiness. If you are still chasing, then you are bound to miss it every time. You were never meant to chase happiness. You were meant to open up doors for it to flow effortlessly into your path.

You do not have to earn it through hard work, as I have bought into that myth for a long time. Yes, it takes mental stamina and willingness to become anchored in the present moment. However, happiness is a child’s play.

We fail to take responsibility for our state of being.

When you expect something else to make you happy, you are heading down the path to disappointment, and that is how frustration is born.

We tend to place expectations for our happiness into the hands of a partner, a place of work, a fancy suit. What a poor state of mind. By cultivating such perception, we are conveying that we are not enough on our own. It is easy to get external validation. It is impossible to build happiness upon it.

When you consciously own up to your worst days, acknowledge not-so-shiny-and-sparkly feelings underneath your surface, that is how abundant state of mind is born.

We are prone to distractions.

Every minute of our day, dozens of diversions are competing for our attention. It is easy for external influences to affect our internal peace of mind; sensationalized news, Instagram feed, a family member’s unfavourable reaction. Fear and stressful responses become prevalent in our daily lives.

In order to become immune to external factors, we need to guard our thoughts through awareness. It takes presence and constant vigilance. It may be uncomfortable in the beginning, but it takes practice. Once you get the hang of it, it will develop into a habit.

Finally, you realize you no longer need those fancy boosts of dopamine or superficial business. For in the now, no fear, no state of lack resides.

We react instead of responding.

Whenever an uncomfortable situation arises, we react with anger, worry or stress. Our happiness goes out the door.

The wisdom lies in becoming aware of the triggers affecting our fight or flight responses. Instead of mindlessly giving in to egoistic drives, whenever somebody criticizes or lashes at us, give yourself time to evaluate the situation by taking a step back.

After all, you get to control your reaction. You get to design your happiness.

A powerful tool that keeps your happiness levels high.

Neuroscientist Sara Lazar’s studies reveal that daily mindfulness and meditation can significantly increase your ability to cope with uncomfortable and stressful situations.

If, as the happiness set-point theory indicates, you’re naturally more inclined to worrying and overthinking, regular meditations silence overactive areas of your brain and reinforce the areas responsible for joy and pleasure. It makes you more adapt to deal with stress.

• When you are commuting, focus on the view outside the window, enjoy the scenery, close your eyes (if you are not driving) and focus on the sensation of your body. Do not wander off to the distant and imaginary land of what should have been, but remain in the present.
• When you are brushing your teeth, remain aware of the action. Keep your thoughts at bay.
• When you are washing the dishes, scan every hand movement, the feeling of the water on your skin. Mindfully engage in the activity rather than be carried by automatic responses and thoughts.
• Transform brewing your coffee and drinking it into a ritual. Prevent your thoughts from racing into the next task at hand. Instead, effortlessly enjoy the pleasure of every taste and smell.

My personal meditation practice with eyes wide open.

I have a powerful tool as a mindfulness practice. It takes about 10 minutes or more. However, I believe even 5 minutes of it, every day, suffice for the reset of your mind.

I sit down comfortably by the window and observe nature, preferably accompanied by a cup of coffee. I watch the clouds floating across the blue sky, birds playing on the nearest branch (did you notice they have fun out of pure existence, no possessions or aims necessary?), flowers on the balcony swaying in the wind. I take in the smell and taste of my beverage. That is enough. Observe. No judgments, no intrusive thoughts invited. While focusing on the beauty of life, I am aware of my body, all sensations running through it.

This simple practice enables me to stabilize my mood, remind myself that life is magnificent, no matter what havoc and mayhem may be raging on. By returning to the self, I receive more clarity and open up the gates of creativity to flow.

Cultivate habits that stabilize your mood:

• Meditation does incredible things for the human mind, such as relieving built-up anxiety, quieting mental chatter, improving focus, and increasing self-esteem and confidence.
• Gratitude. It can be a journal, a part of meditation practice, preferably turn it into a daily habit.
• Exercise. Dopamine and serotonin are your best bets when it comes to maintaining momentum of good-feeling thoughts.
• Nature. Attention Restoration Theory presents that nature restores concentration and heals mental fatigue. When interacting with a green environment, our depleted attention and energy get replenished.
• Vibrant food. Haven’t you noticed that eating processed food makes you sluggish and deprive you of energy to enjoy your life to its fullest? I am not talking about ditching that pizza with extra cheese altogether. But approach food with mindfulness, enjoy prepping healthy meals, and leave some space for extra indulgence in carbs and fancy desserts. Just don’t make it a habit.

After all, mindfulness should not be a luxury, but a fundamental necessity. In the hustle and bustle of everyday life, awareness and appreciation of the time we are given seems like a beacon of light to path of contentment.

Happiness is established on a mindful pace of life. When we rush through experiences, we lose their meaning on the way. By not fully embracing them, we focus on the next thing, in illusionary hope that more will bring us fulfilment.

The truth remains, if you are not able to be content with the moment, your next trip, next pay rise, next relationship will not guarantee you happiness either. You take yourself and your perspective wherever you go. External circumstances may change. However, your mindset stays the same. And mindset is crucial in constructing the happiness formula.

Once you train your mind to notice and focus on possibilities for personal and professional growth, you get to control how you respond to your day. Instead of allowing the external circumstances to dictate your state of bliss.

That is correct. You are that powerful.

Make time for happiness. Make space for rays of joy to peek through your day.

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