Why Aren’t You Drinking? How to Answer that Dreaded Question When You’re Sober

You’re at a party and someone asks why you aren’t drinking.

Your heart is beating fast, but it’s not because of the alcohol… It’s because this is a question that tends to come up more often than we’d like, especially during the holidays.

Here are some tips for answering this common question with ease.

If people ask why you aren’t drinking at a party, there are ways to respond that will be helpful for your sobriety and protect your feelings.

If people are used to seeing you drink, it’s better to prepare yourself for the question in advance. I have been asked this many times, but more often than not, when I was newly sober, I was more surprised by how little other people cared about my drinking.

If someone asks why you aren’t drinking, simply say “I’ve quit drinking.” It’s short, it’s the truth, it’s direct… what more could you ask for in an answer?

If the person follows up with “why?”, say “it makes me feel bad when I do.” This is just another way of saying that alcohol doesn’t work for you anymore. And even though this may sound like a negative approach to sobriety at first glance, remember that every day of sobriety is a good day — a gift! Show yourself some empathy, there is nothing to be ashamed of once you’ve chosen sobriety.

Focus on the positive — your new commitment to health and wellness, for example.

Talk about the positive. You will probably be hit with some questions that are difficult to answer, but don’t sweat it too much. If someone asks you why you’re not drinking and you don’t know how to respond, try focusing on the things that are making your life better because of your sobriety. Focus on how great it feels not to wake up hungover every day or how much more energy you have since cutting out alcohol from your diet. And definitely mention how much better mentally and emotionally stable and confident you’ve been since becoming sober!

Make sure they know that this is a choice and not something forced upon them by circumstance or another person’s actions — then find common ground by talking about their own experiences with alcohol (or drinking) in their pasts; this might give them an idea as to why they should consider giving up booze altogether too!

Say you’re the designated driver, even if it’s a lie.

If you’re the designated driver, let it be known. If you aren’t the designated driver, consider saying that you are. This is a good way of letting people know that you’re not drinking and that if they want to drive home later on in the night (or morning), they shouldn’t drink too much either.

This might sound like a small thing, but it’s actually a great way to let your friends know that you’re serious about this decision and that you are willing to put their (and your) safety before anything else.

Tell the truth: Say that you’ve quit drinking because of how it made you feel.

You don’t need to explain to anyone why you’ve really quit drinking. You don’t owe anyone the sordid details of your drinking past. You can simply say that it makes you feel bad, or that it makes you feel sick, or even just “I don’t like how I feel when I have a few drinks.”

If you want to get more specific, here are some examples:

• “I had a lot of stomach problems after drinking alcohol for a long time.”
• “My doctor told me not to drink because of liver damage — it’s making me very tired.”
• “I don’t think my body can handle that much alcohol anymore.”
• “Drinking alcohol gives me terrible heartburn.” (I have said this more times than I can count).

Think about writing one of these on a post-it or piece of scrap paper and including it in your sobriety kit for the evening.

Try to steer the conversation away from drinking.

This is the most important tip of them all: try to steer the conversation away from drinking. It can be awkward, but it can be better than explaining yourself over and over again.

If a person wants to know why you’re not drinking, try responding with “I’m just not.” That usually stops the line of questioning in its tracks.

If they ask how come, try these responses:

• “I’m taking care of myself.”
• “It’s not for me.” (my personal favorite)
• “I prefer water.”
• “I don’t drink often.”

If the person presses further or keeps asking about your sobriety even after you’ve given them an answer (which unfortunately happens sometimes, especially if the person you’re talking to is already drunk), change the subject! Ask about what they’ve been up to lately and let them talk about themselves instead. If you’re feeling sassy, consider asking them why they ARE drinking.

Bring a non-alcoholic drink if it makes you feel more comfortable.

If you’re worried about being the only person drinking a non-alcoholic beverage, it can be helpful to bring your own. This gives you something to do with your hands and makes it easy for people to ask you questions about why you aren’t drinking. It also makes sharing an option if someone else wants to try some mocktails!

Once I showed up at a New Year’s Eve party and the only non-alcoholic beverage was one bottle of seltzer for mixing drinks. I had only been sober for about a month and was incredibly anxious before going to the party… good thing I brought an entire box of cherry Capri Suns with me.

If there are other people who don’t want alcohol at the event, you’ll be the hero for bringing something tasty and sobriety-friendly. My box of Capri Suns has almost achieved legendary status in my group of friends.

Let people know if they’re making you uncomfortable by asking why you’re not drinking.

When someone asks why you’re not drinking, don’t be afraid to be assertive and say something like “I’m not sure why you’re asking me that” or “I’m not comfortable discussing this.” If they keep asking, then it’s a red flag that they do not respect you or your choices. Feel free to just walk away if you find yourself in a situation like this.

It’s important to remember that sobriety is a choice, and the only person who can dictate your choices is YOU!

Remember the most important thing is don’t drink.

So there you have it: a few options on how to respond to people who ask why you’re not drinking. Hopefully, this will help you feel more confident and prepared when the question comes up.

Remember that it’s OK if your answer isn’t perfect; just try to keep things positive and focus on the reasons why you’ve chosen sobriety over alcohol!

You got this!

Participating in Don’t Drink December? Sober-curious? Recently alcohol-free? Celebrating a sobriety milestone?

Check out my latest articles on sobriety here on Medium:

• What Happens to Your Body When You Quit Alcohol: A Timeline
• How Does it Feel to be Sober? The Benefits of Sobriety Beyond Sober October
• Sobriety Kits: A Creative Way for Getting Sober and Staying Sober
• How Does Practicing Gratitude Help Your Sobriety?
• How to Plan A Recovery-Friendly Holiday Party
• Sober Curious: Does Cutting Back on Alcohol Even A Little Bit Improve Health?
• Sober Traveling: Life Pro Tips for Success on Your Next Adventure