Inspiration | Life | Self Love

Why Aren’t We Loud About Our Positives As We Are To Negatives?

Is It Because Of The Scariest Person In the Mirror?

Our Love Story With Weaknesses

“What are your weaknesses?” Within five seconds, like a robot who has been programmed, I’ll be able to name them. No problem! It sounds like I am proud of them, maybe because it gives me this sense of nobility that I am a self-aware type of person and am ready to be better. At least, that’s what I thought.

I asked the same question to my students and coachees. It didn’t take them much time to name three weaknesses, and at times, some could name five within a single breath. Impressive!

When I asked how come they know their weaknesses so well, their responses were somewhere along the line that had they not known of their weaknesses, they wouldn’t come for help. Logical, I thought! And maybe true!

I agreed with the logicality of the answer. I am not exactly sure if the answer is true. A couple of factors: at times, the weaknesses they thought they had actually aren’t the ones they have. Other times, they know of their weaknesses and come to confirm them, but not to help themselves.

When we know our weaknesses well, does it mean we want to be better?

I am aware of my weaknesses, yet some are almost like trophies. It’s like a long-lasting love that I am proudly telling others. I feel good knowing and being aware of them. But, to work on them? It’s another different matter!

Our Love Story with Strengths

My love story with my strengths is a strange one. It’s like having an extramarital affair. We adore each other, we are suitable for one another, yet I won’t mention them often. They are well kept within me.

“What are your strengths? Five seconds turn to fifteen, fifteen seconds turn to thirty, and thirty turns to one minute. “I am not sure. Let me think!” We are not as intimate with our strengths as we are with our weaknesses.

Most of my clients have a hard time identifying their strengths. In some cases, the answers were shrugs and frustration in their facial expression. Positive comments from teachers, parents, colleagues, friends, or myself, were dismissed as “it’s no big deal!” Or, “ Really? I don’t know that!”, Or, “Really? I don’t think I’ll do it all the time, though.” Like, don’t say it, or you jinx it!

Absolutely logical!

Most of us are not experiencing serious talk about our strengths. We get them for our weaknesses, from young until adulthood. “ We need to talk” doesn’t come up to discuss our strengths; it comes up because some deficiencies or weaknesses need to be addressed.

From The Mirror Point of View

That’s how our society operates most time. We emphasize our weaknesses because it makes us feel good that we are aware of them. And self-awareness is a sign of wanting to be better.

Question: How about if one of the tools for us to work on those weaknesses is through the understanding of our strengths? Then, it’ll be more challenging for us to work on our weaknesses without being aware of our strengths.

Question: Why do we not talk about our strengths as loud as we do our weaknesses? Isn’t that going to be another weakness that we must work on because it implies that we are more ready to “fix” rather than “embrace” ourselves?

Life is always about duality. Multiple dualities that is. The duality that exists simultaneously. Within us and without us.

To Enter Is The Scariest Image In The Mirror

For the majority of the time, we see an image in the mirror the way we want to see it. It is not the reflection of who we are shown in the mirror. I call this the exit image, meaning: the image that’s reflected on the outside and for the purpose of the outside.

We see ourselves in the mirror to check if the lipstick is not smeared, not to cut ourselves when we shave, if all buttons are buttoned up, if the tie is straight, if our hair is appropriately combed, etc. Those are outside purposes, the image that we want to see exiting ourselves, our within.

The scariest image in the mirror that we seldom look for is the one that enters us. The one that requires us to ask, “Who is this person?”

The image that pushes us to identify our strengths and weaknesses. As unbelievable as it might sound, it is as scary for us to figure out our strengths as we do our weaknesses. How many of us are not comfortable when someone says, “You’re the best!” because we feel the pressure to be ‘always that?’

There is also a possibility that we are taking our strengths for granted. Since it’s been beneficial, why do we fuss about them? They’re going to be there forever! The bad news is they might not be. How many of us are talking about being bolder at a younger age? To be bold is a strength. It isn’t guaranteed that we can always exercise it just because we did it when we were younger.

Being intimate with our strengths can lead us to the path of loving ourselves fairly. It means we aren’t using our strengths to say that we are good already. Rather, we are using them to say we are good enough.

The place of ‘enough’ is like a rainbow in the sky. We feel appreciated. Cared for. Acknowledged. Accepted.

It’s the place that will give us the courage to tackle what we can do better. To look at our weaknesses and start undoing them.

I am always back to the why and how. We can’t assess ourselves fairly when we are not at the place of ‘enough.’

Many articles written and read and conversations encouraged us to be fair with others. To assess others with an open mind.

Now, why wouldn’t we apply the same kindness to ourselves?

There will be strengths that we hold on to, some we forgo knowingly and unknowingly, and some that are still hidden beneath our spirits.

If we do appreciate our existence given by the Universe and take this borrowed time to our best, then we need to be intimate with ourselves completely, both strengths and weaknesses.

To enter is the scariest image presented in the mirror. We will have to notice the unnoticed. We will have to admit the inadmissible. We will have to recognize the unrecognizable.

We will have to be patient with ourselves. We can’t absorb everything. It takes time.

Yet, it is a journey, that shall we choose to enter, it will do wonders to our discovery and process of being who we would like ourselves to be.

It helps us to be more forgiving and loving to ourselves. As evenly as to be more empowering and encouraging.

Where Do We Start?

I love stories. I use books, articles, personal stories from my parents and Guardians ( my grandmother, teachers, etc.), and often, I use my imagination to write to enter the mirror.

Taking a walk by myself is another way for me to enter the mirror. At times, music accompanies me. Other times, it’s just me, the sky, and whatever noise or scenery my senses pick up throughout the walk.

Talking to myself. I do that a lot. I imagine a scenario, and I talk it out with myself about how I did, what I could do better, and what traits I am using to deal with either a circumstance or an emotion.

I share my thoughts with you. I share my ways to do them with you. I share my experiences with you. I share my growth and stagnance with you.

With the hope that if any of those happen to resonate, it might empower you, we could have conversations about it, and in the end, as humankind, we all grow.

Both with our strengths and weaknesses. Because at the end of the day, we are always enough.

I read this piece in the AM today. It’s lovely! “She Is A Fallen Angel” by Colleen Millsteed. It’s a great company for this one!