Why Aren’t More Men Using Sex Toys?
I asked my husband why he doesn’t use one. His answer surprised me
I found out about sex toys for men quite recently.
I knew that bachelor parties sometimes featured a blow-up dolls and that my local adult novelty store carried one somewhere near the back. But I figured they were just a novelty item, like dick-shaped lollipops for bachelorettes or that one time I found a box of penis-shaped pasta noodles (for what purpose, I still can’t fathom).
I didn’t think anyone actually stuck their dicks in those.
When my bridesmaids got a blowup doll for my bachelorette party, I confirmed that fact by fingering its mouth (yep, cheap champagne makes me act really classy). Rough, dry, and some irritating seams — definitely not meant for any but the most masochistic cocks.
But then I read about the Fleshlight. The brand is only a few years younger than me, but I was only made aware of them a few years ago.
Discovering pocket pussies was exciting. I did some more research and it seemed legit. This wasn’t some blowup doll’s mouth — this was a silicone wonder.
I figured this would be perfect for my husband. He’s always had a really high sex drive. During our first few months together, we’d fuck multiple times a day, but my libido hasn’t been able to keep up with his since. A masturbatory aid would surely help him cope with that.
We were also about to have our third child. After pushing a baby out of me, I wouldn’t be ready to have sex for months. Since he only pushed babies when they were in strollers, he was good to go but would have to go solo. I figured a specially designed silicone sleeve would be the perfect substitute while my body recovered.
I proudly showed him this wonderful, revolutionary new product. I finally had the answer to some of his sexual frustrations.
His reaction shocked me. This extremely horny, highly open-minded guy just scoffed at my suggestion.
“Fucking a sex toy would be pretty demeaning.”
He added that he wasn’t pathetic enough to masturbate with an artificial pussy.
I truly didn’t get it. I’ve fucked my share of artificial cocks. I’ve buzzed myself with bullets and rabbits and other assorted vibrators. Why would this be so different?
We’re Having the Wrong Conversations
Speaking to my husband about his attitude toward sex toys made me realize that there was a whole cultural conversation I had somehow missed entirely.
Throughout his life, he got one message about sex toys for men: they’re only for gross, pathetic losers.
Harsh.
I asked him if he had ever seen a positive depiction of male sex toy use, had ever heard nice things about them, or even knew someone who used one.
Nope. No to all that, it turns out.
And I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised because I can’t remember ever seeing a real depiction of male sex toy use or hearing about them. When I came across the Fleshlight, I was a blank slate with zero baggage about these things.
I’ve seen porn film after porn film depicting women using vibrators, dildos, and a few more questionable items to get themselves off. But the male performers were always unassisted (unless you count the two college girls willing to do anything for a better grade).
Guys I knew made jokes about women using dildos and vibrators but were completely mum about using anything on themselves.
What’s going on here? Why is the gender that is supposedly the horniest (debatable) and that has cultural license to talk openly about jerking off not the one openly exploring devices that help them masturbate better?
That’s a knotty question I’m not equipped to untie. But I do know it’s kind of sad. Discovering vibrators was revelatory for me. I didn’t know I could achieve that kind of pleasure and enjoyment unassisted. Goodbye humping my pillow, hello high-quality orgasms.
Meanwhile, guys who want to try something other than their hands are shamed out of doing it.
I love my husband dearly, and I take his pleasure seriously. I wanted him to be open to exploring new ways of getting off. It was a little disappointing to learn that he wasn’t even willing to try.
Where’s the Downside?
His knee-jerk reaction didn’t shake my stance. I remained a strong advocate of men using sex toys. As far as I could tell, there were only upsides.
Judging from reviews and testimonies, these products feel good. Why would anyone deny themselves an extra bit of fun?
It’s also a way to throw extra variety into the mix.
When I want to get off, I can use my fingers or I can avail myself of all sorts of toys — vibrators, high-powered massagers, G-spot stimulators, and good old fashioned didlos. Hell, I can even get myself off my pointing my showerhead at the right angle.
I love it. I wouldn’t want to take any option off the table. I don’t know why anyone would dismiss them outright and just stick to their hand.
Then there’s death grip. That’s the phenomenon where guys (and gals) get used to masturbating in some idiosyncratic way and it ruins their ability to come by any other means, including with a partner.
It’s the kind of thing that can frustrate either the person who has it or the person who is trying to get them off. I know that first-hand because it’s something Mr. Austin has dealt with, in part due to phimosis, and he’s still attempting to fix it. But it could be avoided by getting themselves off with something that at least approximates sex.
Put more plainly: when you learn to come with a pocket pussy, it’s probably a lot easier to come when you’re fucking pussy.
It would also satisfy a lot of curiosity. When I look at online forums where people ask all sorts of sex questions, one of the most common one is simply teenage or young adult virgins who want to know how it feels.
I know using a sex toy wouldn’t completely answer that question, but it would probably give them a much better idea than using their hand. Whether they’re curious about the feel of a pussy, an asshole, or a mouth, there’s a sleeve for that.
As far as I can tell, there just aren’t any downsides to these, as long as you can meet the price tag. If not, you might have to get a little creative.
A New Kind of Toy for My Collection
I want to get some male sex toys for my growing collection of pleasure devices, massagers, and whatever other euphemisms sex toy companies use when they describe their products on customs forms.
I’d love to play around with a lifelike sex doll, or at least something with a realistic ass or pair of tits. That’s out of my current price range, though, and I think it’s just my poor deprived bisexual side. Sadly, no ladies are throwing their tits at me, so it would give me a fun substitute to play with.
I’ll have to settle for something more affordable, but that will still be plenty of fun. I’ve also been watching porn videos featuring male sex toys (they exist in abundance, I just never came across them until now) and they’re kind of hot. Like, really hot. It’s like handjob porn (yum!) with a twist.
As far as I can tell, male sex toys come in mainly three categories: sleeves or masturbators, prostate massagers, and cock rings.
Prostate stimulators are awesome if they’re your thing, but they don’t really interest me that much. I like anal sex on occasion, but only on the receiving end. Pegging someone just doesn’t have much appeal to me.
Cock rings I really have no use for. They’re great for helping guys stay hard or delaying ejaculation, but Mr. Austin doesn’t need assistance staying stiff and he is delayed enough as it is.
So, it’s sleeves and masturbators I want to keep tucked into the closet for some sexy playtime.
All I have to do is convince Mr. Austin.
He’s almost there! The more we talk about it, the more intrigued he is by them.
The man had to complete a competency exam in formal logic as part of his PhD requirements. I knew it was only a matter of time before he bowed down to the power of my sound arguments in favor of male sex toys.
And if someone so reluctant can change his mind, maybe there’s hope for everyone else.
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