Why So Loud? The Introvert’s Dilemma

Those people. Even their CAT is loud!

I was sitting outside writing when my neighbors woke up. I know when they’re awake because that’s when the yelling starts. Not fighting. It’s not that kind of yelling. They just talk so loud it’s not talking, it’s yelling.

DID YOU TURN THE COFFEE ON? YEAH, COFFEE’S ON. GET UP.

Why can I hear that, from across the street?

Well, not exactly across the street.

I’m at the back of a cul-de-sac. A horseshoe. They’re at the corner. Two houses between us. Why can I hear their conversation? Well, because it’s summer. Windows are open. And they’re loud. LOUD!

The other night, I was on the deck writing about what you need to do before uploading a book to Amazon.

Ever tried to write when someone is talking in your face?

MY GRANDFATHER LIVED IN THE SAME HOUSE FOR 47 YEARS. HAD THE SAME PHONE NUMBER ALL THEM YEARS. HE’S BEEN GONE 20 YEARS, THE OL’ FART, AND I STILL REMEMBER HIS PHONE NUMBER.

I know the ol’ fart’s phone number now, too. Not that I can call it. Seeing as he’s been gone for 20 years. I wonder who has that number? Hmph...

I KNOW, I KNOW… his wife says. All the time. ALL the time.

Why are you so quiet?

That’s what I’ve been asked, my whole life. I shrug. Because I’m an introvert, I want to say. But I don’t.

Because I know what you think.

You think it means I’m shy. Nope. Not shy. Not reserved. Not timid. Bold as brass and opinionated as it gets. Not shy at all.

You think it means I’m socially awkward. Unless you know me. Then you know I’m no blushing wallflower. Haha. Not even close.

You think it means I hate people. Nope again. I love people and for the most part, it’s reciprocated. Unless my opinions get in the way. Or yours.

Some introverts are shy and socially awkward. But then, so are some extroverts.

Introversion isn’t an on/off switch…

A car pulls up to their house. A guy gets out. Checkered grey Bermuda shorts and a bright blue polo shirt. Buzzcut. Socks and sandals. (sigh)

He walks in their back door, which is wide open to the cat. And flies.

JESUS CHRIST, YOU SURPRISED ME. HAHAHAHA. NEARLY GAVE ME A HEART ATTACK. SNEAKING UP LIKE THAT. COME IN. OH, YOU ALREADY DID. HAHAHAAH. HOW ARE YOU THIS MORNING?

I can hear that. From inside their house. Two houses away.

GOT YOUR CLUBS? (YEAH) GOT YOUR INSULIN? (YEAH, BUT I CAN’T FIND MY JACKET)

Even their cat is loud. It’s a torbie. Cute at the dickens. Sits in the middle of the street and meows louder than any cat I’ve ever heard. So loud it makes me laugh. Wow, cat.

Introversion isn’t an on/off switch. You’re not an introvert or an extrovert. It’s a slider, not a light switch.

At one end are the people who get energy from solitude. Introverts. — People deplete them. — Solitude fills them up.

At the other end are people who get energy from other people. Extroverts. — Solitude depletes them. — People fill them up.

In the middle, the ambiverts live. An ambivert can swing either way, depending on the situation.

Most of us do not live at one end, or in the middle for that matter. The slider bar has wiggle room. I might slide from introvert to ambivert. You might slide from ambivert to extrovert.

Social Skills are a different slider…

The slider isn’t made of social skills. That’s a different slider. Perpendicular.

The most miserable people in the world

Know who the most miserable people in the world are? Extroverts with bad social skills. They need people but don’t know how to interact with them.

Sometimes, I’d like to add another arrow for manners.

Who yells that loud before 8 am? They can’t all be hard of hearing. They’re not that old.

Maybe that’s where the social skills slider comes into play.

Rudeness isn’t extraversion

I’d say what gets me is the noise, but it’s not even so much the noise. It’s a total lack of consideration.

Don’t we have enough noise pollution in the world without adding to it? Voices don’t have one volume. Surely, we all know that. We can raise them, therefore we can also lower them. Amazing, no?

Is there something wrong with just wanting to hear the birds sing while I have morning coffee, without having to hear the neighbors in their kitchen two houses away?

It’s not that they’re extraverts. It’s that they’re kind of rude.

But hey, why are you so quiet?

Introversion isn’t a choice

It’s not that introverts don’t need people. We all do. We’re hard-wired to exist within a small community, just like our ancestors. The herd is safety.

The real key isn’t whether we need people. We all do. The real key is whether it fuels or depletes us.

We don’t all perceive the world the same way. What comes at you like a garden hose comes at someone else (like me!) like a fire hose.

When I was little, Mama used to ask me why I get so overwhelmed. I don’t know, I’d tell her. I didn’t make me this way.

It’s not a choice. But we like to think that, don’t we? We love to think people who are different than us choose it.

Because then it’s their fault. Not yours. Their fault for being too sensitive instead of yours for being loud, rude, and inconsiderate.

It’s wrong, of course. We’re built how we’re built. The heart wants what it wants.

Next time someone asks me why I’m so quiet, I’m going to say I dunno. Why are you so loud?

If you liked this, you might also like…