Why Are You Lying When You Say You Are Fine
Why we lie about how we are feeling
The biggest lie I tell is that I am fine.
I say it to my co-workers, my friends, my family, my husband. Even my doctor.
I nod and smile and say everything is ok, whilst inside I am shattered.
I am trying to hold it all together. I am trying to be strong, calm, and collected. Like the perfect wife, mum, daughter, sister, and friend society wants me to be. On the outside, it appears I am succeeding. On the inside is a different story.
I am so used to it now that sometimes I don’t even realize that I am lying.
Someone asks how I am doing. I flippantly reply that I am good. I am fine. I smile and I nod to indicate all is well. It is the expected response, after all.
Why do we lie about how we are truly feeling?
The last time I visited my doctor, I finally admitted that I was not fine. She nodded, put her hand on my arm, and said “I know.” She saw through my lies but was trying to give me space and time to tell her myself.
Finally, I told my truth. And I now have the support I need and a health plan to help.
Telling the truth about how I was really feeling has been one of the best things I could ever do for my health. So why do we continue to lie?
We are ashamed that we are not perfect.
We don’t want to be seen as bad people because we are not happy all the time.
We don’t want the stigma of being “anxious”, “depressed” or any other mental health issue. Too long has society allowed us to think of these things as bad, instead of allowing people to embrace their truth and seek help without feeling guilty that they were not “strong” enough or ashamed that they needed help.
We don’t want to be a burden.
We think that by telling our closest friends and family that we are not happy and that we are not ok, that we are burdening them. We don’t want them to worry about us or have to take on board our own struggling mental health.
We don’t know how to admit we need help.
Asking for help is so hard! We want to be able to do all the things by ourselves. We want to have a handle on life and work. We like to think that we can balance and juggle everything. So to admit we need help is like admitting we failed. No one likes to fail.
We don’t want to feel vulnerable.
Letting people know that you are not ok makes you feel vulnerable. No one likes to feel this way. We want to be strong and we want people to believe that too. Being vulnerable is scary and can cause even more anxiety.
Lying about how you really feel can lead to illness.
Lying and pretending that we are happy all the time is exhausting. It takes its toll on us physically and emotionally. Taking all those negative feelings and shoving them deep down can lead to physical illnesses.
For me, it manifested as insomnia and heart palpitations, physical manifestations that I am still struggling with now.
Have you had your mental health issues manifest physically? It adds to your stress and anxiety. And to think one simple truth could have avoided it!
Empowering yourself to tell your truth.
There are long-term health ramifications of lying about how we are truly feeling. For telling one lie our whole health can be impacted for years.
We need to learn to speak our truth. To put our hand up and say it out loud.
“I am struggling.”
“I need help.”
“I am not happy.”
So, the next time someone asks you how you are feeling are you going to tell the truth?
Rachel Maree is a writer, mum and registered nurse. Bringing you the real truth to parenting, nursing and writing (even when it is downright ugly). You can read more articles or hire her to write amazing content for you — Rachel Maree.
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