Why Are There So Many Men Acting As Dating Coaches For Women?

The infusion of people who don’t know what it’s like to be a woman, shaping women, is concerning.

I recognize the logic behind an influx of men ordaining themselves dating coaches for women. Who better to teach a woman what the male species wants, needs, and looks for in the opposite sex than its members? Men know men better than women do. However, this is yet another example of the onus more frequently placed on women to overcompensate for relationship deficiencies.

This trend represents common instances of men wanting to show us how to be better women.

Men coaching women in dating contributes to the idea that we should shape who we are into who men want us to be. The greatest emphasis is placed on equipping women to get and keep a man — as though he’s a prize to be won. Once again, whether inadvertently or not, the worth of a woman is reduced because few are as concerned with teaching men how to treat, get, and keep her.

This plays into the old stereotype that women are always looking to settle down but must work to encourage men to want the same. Indeed, boys aren’t raised to aspire to marriage as girls are. That’s the problem. However, instead of working to rectify this imbalance in philosophy and start coaching men to value commitment and monogamy, men are teaching women how to accommodate the disparity.

Just as I’ve never been a man, don’t know what it’s like, or how it feels, a man doesn’t know what it’s like to be a woman. He can’t fully understand the pressures and diminishing belief systems that we face. I can inform men of what I like in a partner or try to shed light on behavior that appears problematic, but I would never claim to be an expert in teaching a man about being a man in any aspect of life.

This is Dating Coach Matthew Hussey’s YouTube bio:

Matthew Hussey is the world’s leading dating advice expert for women. He has coached millions of women around the world to help them get the love lives of their dreams.

He’s a New York Times bestselling author of “Get The Guy,” the relationship columnist for Cosmopolitan magazine and the resident love expert on The Today Show.

Matthew has worked with celebrities like Christina Aguilera and Eva Longoria. He’s also coached over 100,000 women in his live seminars and over 92,100,000 women with his training videos.

I actually like Matthew, a lot, and agree with much of his advice. In fact, I just referenced his work to support a personal perspective. Although, what I used of his wasn’t aimed at only women.

Matthew offers some solid, objective guidance. My beef is not with him. It’s with the culture itself of men feeling qualified to be any kind of expert on women and how this particular focus feeds into the notion that snagging a man should be one of our top priorities. Matthew is just one name on a growing list.

Evan Marc Katz is a male dating coach “for smart, strong, successful women.” His philosophy encourages women to find love by “understanding men” better.

How about men work to understand themselves better? What they want, who they are, and why they do what they do? This way, women don’t feel the need to go on an excavation mission to figure it out. How about men take on the responsibility of being emotionally available to their partners?

Certainly, these male dating coaches who cater to women would say that they’re helping. They’re giving their clients what they want. Evan even says that women are always looking for insights into what men are thinking, but that he’s never met a guy who said, “I really want to understand my wife.”

Well, there you have it. That sounds like an issue to me.

Why not coach men on the benefits of understanding their wives so that they feel compelled to put some effort into this aspect of their relationships? “They don’t care” shouldn’t be an acceptable justification for placing this burden solely on women. They should care. And if more men with respected insights and healthy relationships placed greater emphasis on this, they would.

I won’t lay all of the blame for this circumstance with male dating coaches or even men in general. As women, we have to believe we’re worth more than a man just being a man while we do all the heavy lifting to foster depth in the relationship. We have to require more than a man just showing up. We have to take them off of this pedestal — or at least join them there as a partner deserving of effort who is to be revered and nurtured.

Men coaching women is a thing because there’s a market for it. We’re the market. We may not have created it, but the market doesn’t exist without us buying into this idea of disproportionate value and the advice or attention of men as something to be coveted.

I adore and appreciate men, including the innate differences between us. I work to understand and bond with a partner for the good of the relationship — also because I want to know him. I only believe this outlook should be shared, and the investment, mutual. No one should get a pass on contributing to the development of a sustainable union because they’re biologically different.

I’m sure men feel insecurities and pressures in dating as well.

What would happen if more worked to address them? If we put more responsibility on men to cultivate relationships, and court women with thoughtfulness and respect, perhaps women wouldn’t need coaches to connect with them.