SEXY SECOND CHANCES
Why Are Ex-Wives So Damn Sexy?
Done with repression onto pleasure
My friend told me he likes to date ex-wives because they like sex more. I don’t know if he was joking, but my friends who are ex-wives said he was on the money.
One reason women, who become ex-wives, are ready for action is they haven’t had sex in years. It’s not like they were having sex up until the day they left their marriage. Zero sex is often one of the symptoms of a declining marriage.
I am not saying people who are not having sex aren’t happy in their marriage. Everyone’s relationship is different. Everybody connects how they connect. However, some people want to be having sex with their spouse and it’s not happening — so,when they’re back in the dating pool, they’re ready for some “ACTION!”
I have a friend in Italy who taught a workshop on How to keep having good sex in your marriage. When she left her husband, I was shocked.
I said, I thought you guys were having great sex! What happened?
She looked perplexed. Why did you think that?
Because you taught a workshop on it, I answered.
She laughed. Oh that, she said. I was trying to have great sex. It didn't pan out.
I felt dumb. I’d thought just because she was teaching a class on sex, she was having it. Had I learned nothing from creative non-fiction writing?
How much embellishing and fabricating have I done through the years to make a story viable? I’ve turned women into men, men into elephants and Italy into Iowa. It was the same with teaching.
Not every writing teacher is a grammarian and not every Dante scholar has traveled to hell.
When I decide to tackle a subject in writing, it is not because I am an expert. It is because I am curious. It’s because I have some ideas and opinions I’d like to test out.
I know I say this a lot, but I was raised by a scientist. Sometimes you have to study a lot of brain waves until you figure out how temperature is being regulated during REM sleep. It’s the same with experimentation in writing, and sex apparently.
That’s what my friend, the supposed sex expert, was doing by teaching sex to married couples. She was wishful teaching. She made her sex life a study. I want to say Only in Italy, but I’d like to believe sex studies are happening everywhere.
My Italian friend is not the only one who told me ex-wives dig sex more.
I have several friends who jumped out of their marriage bed into many Tinder beds. In my mind, I imagine that feels like a sexual exhale.
Becoming single again, ex-wives finally gave themselves permission to have the kind of uncensored sex they hadn’t allow themselves when they were younger. Sexually derogative labels had suppressed their desires.
When we were young, gaslighting labels were passed out like Bibles in a hotel sidetable convention. Whore, slut, easy, floozy, tart, tramp, hussy.
Finally, as an ex-wife, they were done giving a shit whether someone called them a skank. They had lunches to make, exes to share holidays with, and soccer matches to freeze their asses off at.
I was reading a book called The Dawn of Everything. It said and I’m paraphrasing ‘children of settlers, who were kidnapped by natives, often desired to return to the natives after they were brought home to their traditional homes, many years later.’ They wanted to return to their captors.
One of the reasons the children, who were now adults, wanted to return to their native life was the lack of judgment around sex. When they were members of a tribe, they did not feel the same deep shame that followed them when they returned to Western Civilization.
Though settlers were a long time ago, the shame remains. People from my generation who are comfortable in both their bodies and with their sex lives are often the exception.
A lot of women don’t end up exploring sex until they become ex-wives.
The younger generation is doing better than we did. They are confused by all our labels starting with gender ending with sex. In many ways, I feel my generation is as uptight as we thought our grandparents were.
This brings me back to ex-wives and why my friend wants to date them. He’s not looking for a sure thing — he’s looking for someone who enjoys sex. I think ex-wives are looking for that for themselves too. If they love themselves, they can finally let themselves be free — in bed.
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