Why Aquire Material Possessions When One Can Experience Instead?
The profound difference between “having” and “being” in living a joyful and meaningful life
Have you ever seen the movie “The Secret”? It’s a documentary claiming that, based on the law of attraction, you can reach your goals and dreams with positive self-talk and visualization.
When I first saw it, I remember that I visualized an Audi R8 every night in detail. I felt how I sat in the leather seats, how I shifted the gears softly, and how I sped from 0–100 km/h within the blink of an eye.
Long story short: I still do not have an Audi R8. Instead, I share and enjoy a van with some camping equipment and a mattress built in its back.
That’s right — share and enjoy!
This wording is where it all begins when we talk about material possessions and experiences and a possible antidote to the current way of life in the western world.
To “Have” Or To “Be” — This Is The Question
For most of human history, we have “simply” existed. We were hunters and gatherers, and we consumed what nature gave us. Although I can’t directly ask a person from the past, I imagine, as long as there was food, we were content. Of course, there were plenty of dangers and no medical treatment, but we were living in harmony with our surroundings and the nature of humankind.
A few thousand years later, things have changed. With the industrialization and growth of capitalism, we are now more than ever focused on making profits in all parts of our lives. The newfound desire to have more status, fame, and fortune has bred and developed negative human traits such as egocentricity and selfishness. This development causes us to be greedy and to envy others.
Ultimately, with the spread of social media and the opportunity to instantly compare oneself to the “rich and famous,” things have worsened. This advancement of the social hierarchy game (or Social Comparison Bias) has led to higher levels of anxiety and lower levels of self-esteem, causing a 47% increase in severe depression in Millennials since 2013.
It’s a wicked world. Nowadays, we derive our contentment from what we have: what car, what work position, what status, and what amount of money. We seem not to appreciate the food, the roof over our heads, and, in the majority of the western world, the luxury to be able to think about self-actualization. We seem to have everything, but we always want more.
The Problem With “Having”
This is why people often choose their job based on the wage it pays, not because it is fulfilling. Money, as an end, can buy them their dream house, car, or influence their social status. The problem is those jobs rarely make us happy because most of the time, they are not related to what we enjoy doing. To be a bit cynical here, this makes the wage turn into some form of compensation for pain and suffering.
Even when we have reached status, money, and possessions by hard work or, worse, greedy and filthy business practices — are we “happy” then? If you believe the famous Princeton study to help — it’s saying that happiness does not increase above a yearly income of $ 75,000. (One has to note here, that having no money also does not make one happy, at least in a system where you need money to get food on the table.)
We forget that “having” is heavily based on external influences, which we can not control 100%. We can be laid off, our house can burn down, a newer version of our car might come out, and people can suddenly hate us for no apparent reason. So, does “having” translate to a sustainable, meaningful, and joyful life?
“There are two ways to be rich: One is by acquiring much, and the other is by desiring little.” — Jackie French Koller
What’s Great About “Being”
On the other hand, “being” is focused on our simple existence and experience. It can not be described, only lived. It requires independence, freedom, and critical thinking. It is inherent in our higher self, not the story we tell ourselves who we are. This story, we tell ourselves, is diluted by the believes, assumptions, and “truths” that we hold, which are, in turn, results from society and a system that breeds egocentricity and selfishness.
“Being” is based on the productive use of human powers. To “be” we must give up our egocentricity and selfishness. We must throw away the “crutches of ownership,” as Erich Fromm put it because it’s only then when we can make full use of our skills, such as learning, sharing, cooperating, loving, solving problems, helping others and much more.
“No person has the power to have everything they want, but it is in their power not to want what they don’t have, and to cheerfully put to good use what they do have.” — Seneca
Through “being,” we transcend “having.” Rather than defining our worth by what we have, we can realize that there is more to it than having. We must recognize our worth is based on our internal self — by living in harmony with human values such as community, giving, caring, and love.
Even Abraham Maslow, in his last years, criticized the highest level to his hierarchy of needs and replaced self-actualization with self-transcendence:
“One finds the fullest realization in giving oneself to something beyond oneself — for example, in altruism or spirituality. Transcendence refers to the very highest and most inclusive or holistic levels of human consciousness, behaving and relating, as ends rather than means, to oneself, to significant others, to human beings in general, to other species, to nature, and to the cosmos.”
So what?
The greed of always wanting more has left the planet depleted of natural resources. It is a significant cause of ongoing global warming, poverty, hunger, and especially inequality. The “having” mindset requires endless growth in a world of exhaustible raw materials. It is time to change the system by starting with ourselves and radically change the course of history, so humanity has a chance to survive.
The great news: “being” is inherent in ourselves. We already possess skills such as conscience, self-awareness, freedom of choice, and imagination to live more faithful to our values. Buddhism and Stoic philosophy may provide a framework to get closer to the state of being.
The bad news: it’s hard. All our life, we have been conditioned to always wanting to acquire more. We have learned to improve ourselves not for us but for the sake of making more salary. Too many people think that once they are rich, they will be happy.
One thing we could all do is to question the current status more: how much of the information you were taught is true? Are public relations the new form of propaganda? Just because the people around you have a definition of success, is that the one you should pursue?
For my definition of success, I have found my freedom and my time spent with loved ones more valuable than an Audi R8. With those ~$200,000, I would rather travel the world for two years in my cheap-ass van.
How about you?