avatarBrina Patel

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Why Anne Lamott’s Bird By Bird Is a MUST Read for Perfectionists

It’s like a refreshing pep talk from a loving (but concerned) friend

A book you’ll want to zip through in one sitting (Photo by the author)

Every so often, I’ll read a book that makes me feel like I’ve just come home from a long weekend with my closest friends: rejuvenated, inspired, and reoriented to what really matters in life.

Anne Lamott’s Bird By Bird: Some Instructions on Writing and Life is one of those books.

I’d never read any of the esteemed novelist’s work, but her name kept popping up. I’m currently also reading Julia Cameron’s The Artist’s Way (there’s so much I have to say, but I’ll save that for a later day), in which she talks about synchronicities.

Last month, another writer recommended Bird By Bird in her newsletter, so I listened to these ongoing signs and grabbed a copy from my library.

As a (recovering) perfectionist, I appreciated this book in so many ways. Lamott’s humor and directness are refreshing, and I couldn’t help but feel as if I’d received a pep talk from a loving (but concerned) friend, while also getting a splash of cold water to the face.

Needless to say, the book gave me much to consider, and I’m recommending it to all my friends, particularly those who struggle with the relentless beast that is perfectionism. Here’s why, plus an overview of what the book entails.

Bird By Bird: A Synopsis

Written in 1994, Anne Lamott’s Bird By Bird provides timeless pieces of wisdom, which double as tidbits of life advice, from her journey as a writer.

Lamott blends memoir with prescriptive nonfiction, adding a healthy dose of humor (and even strands of poetry) throughout. She divides the book into five sections, each covering a different component of a writer’s life: the writing itself, the mindset required to push past inevitable hurdles, the ways to ease the process by seeking help, the realities of publication, and the final insights.

Without holding back, Lamott shares her own experiences — which involve their share of anxiety, rage, sadness, and confusion — to demystify the writer’s life. Her voice ranges from an almost cringey and comical candor to serenely spiritual as she recounts all that’s inspired her own work: loved ones’ deaths, her young son’s curiosities, mundane moments from childhood.

She reminds us that creative inspiration is all around us. We just have to be willing to look; to get quiet and listen. She also normalizes the doubt, the lack of motivation, and the unfulfilled expectations that will inevitably arise.

How This Book Helped Me Detach From Perfectionism

While this book isn’t directly centered around perfectionism, Lamott discusses it throughout. There’s actually an entire chapter on perfectionism, which starts out in her signature straightforwardness and snaps the reader into reality. I’ve included a photo below because there was too much goodness to omit.

One of my favorite parts of the book (Photo by the author)

I’ve been a perfectionist for as long as I can remember, but it’s only in recent years that I’ve acknowledged the hindrances this trait has led to. Yes, I do believe it’s pushed me to do my best, and to achieve what I otherwise wouldn’t have. But perfectionism has also kept me from getting started; from seeing failure and quitting as shame-free options on the path to improvement.

While I still have a ways to go before I can call myself fully recovered, I’ve begun to catch myself when the alluring voice of perfection begins to whisper in my ear. This book showed me how much perfectionism has fueled my anxiety — fears of not appearing “good enough,” of looking like I don’t know what I’m doing.

But forward momentum requires a bit of flailing and floundering; it involves moving away from the inner critic that says “What if?” in a demeaning voice and gravitating towards the inner child that says “What if?” with playful curiosity. I think we all want to ultimately operate from the latter perspective.

This book also made me aware of how often I think about doing something instead of taking action. (I’ll call this the fear of getting started — FOGS?) I’m slowly seeing the messy first drafts as stepping stones to a soulfully-written piece of prose.

Final Reflections

Bird By Bird showed me how much ego has been getting in the way of living. Of creating, writing, connecting — things that I innately desire, yet often get in my own way of attaining.

I told myself that 2024 is the year I’ll be taking more creative risks, and I’m gradually fulfilling that promise. I’m allowing myself to create more for the sake of creativity itself — for experimentation — than to acquire a particular outcome.

I’ve done things that fear would’ve gotten in the way of last year: signing up for a poetry class, writing about more personal topics, leaning into more vulnerability within my relationships.

And it’s been liberating.

Before I go, I’ll also share a quote I posted on my 2024 vision board, which resonates with the perfectionism Lamott talks about in the book.

I hope you all find your way through the murky haze of perfection and allow yourselves to play, to be curious, and to find joy in whatever it is you make.

May you move past all your creative blocks this year! (Photo by the author)

Thank you to the BAOS team for editing and supporting our work!

For more book recommendations like these, check out my Substack, The Tuesday Tapestry.

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