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Abstract

they are all average. I’m different, I’m way more interesting, I rather not associate myself with them.”The truth is, I believe I’m less than.<h2 id="2ee9">I have to give an opinion about everyone</h2>I don’t wake up and set out to destroy people, I do compliment when I’m impressed, but 90% of the time I look for people’s bad side.I’ll be watching a show and I’ll critique the actors’ acting like I’m Robert De Niro. “Oh my lord, who gave her the lead, casting couch? Her expressions are so pretentious and unconvincing, I’ve seen better from amateurs from Soap Operas.”I’ll make comments about Americans like an Asian, then I’ll make comments about Asians like an American. “Freaking Americans have no soul, they don’t care about shit.” “Freaking Asians are so uptight, they care too much about everything.”I’ll go out and trash people with money, “It’s all about money, they don’t know anything else, they fucking hate their jobs, walking around like they are the shit, not even that rich, you only drive an Audi, bro.”I’ll pick part couples, “Why is this girl with this guy, I bet she’s just lonely and just cling to whatever she can get. Why is this guy with this chick, her nose makes her look like a bird.”I’ll gossip about just anything, they don’t necessarily have to be threatening my self-esteem.The truth is, I want to measure against everyone.<h2 id="04c6">I don’t like myself</h2>Since high school, I have always been critical of everyone, I have always kept people at a distance, and I have not liked many people.I do know the things I don’t accept of others are the things that I don’t accept about myself. I criticize them to put myself up in the power position, so I can feel like I’m above them, instead of facing my issues.It’s hard to feel okay about myself without constantly trying to protect my ego, even if it means attacking others.<h2 id="aef7">Sometimes I’m a hypocrite</h2>I would say, at least 30% of what I say about other people, is also true for myself.For example, I always look down on people for having no class and integrity — not responding to messages or phone calls, being dishonest. But I’m not much different, most of my manners are lost. And I find that hideous about myself.What gave me the right to insult another person for having the same imperfections as myself?<h2 id="4802">How we judge people reflect what how we feel about ourselves</h2>It’s a problem that I struggle

Options

with myself, so I’m not in a position to teach anybody anything.I’m scared, I don’t like everyone because I’m afraid of them not liking me.Racism, stereotypes, sexism, and hatred or oppression of any kind comes from the same root, fear. People haven’t conquered their inner demons and they are releasing them out to others.The better we feel about ourselves, the less hostile we become.<h2 id="9bbc">Things that have helped with my insecurities</h2>Forgiveness. I felt wronged and hurt by some people in my life, intentionally or not. And I watched some Eckhart Tolle videos and realized, by holding on to the pain, resentment, and anger, I’m giving more power to them, and they will continue to reoccur in my life. Letting go sets me free, forget what people did to me, be a bigger person, a scar won’t heal if I keep gripping the wound tightly.Love. This one goes without saying. I was mentally unhealthy for so many years, being on my own. My mom came to the U.S., and I felt a little more comfortable. Then my girlfriend came into my life, and I felt pretty strong. When I build a little community or family around me, I think I’ll be invincible.Meditation. I think everyone should meditate, for various reasons. I’m not trying to become Buddha and reach some sort of nirvana. Just being alone for 10–15 minutes each day, inhaling then exhaling slowly, releasing all of my worries, tension, and stress. Sitting in complete peace and refilling my mind with positive thoughts, it reduces a huge amount of anxiety.Accepting. This is the most effective one in my opinion. I am very shameful about a few aspects of myself, and I always hide them. Even though I understand the concept of ‘having nothing to hide’, but to truly do it takes tremendous courage. However, if I can’t accept my own flaws, who can?Are people like me toxic to be aroundThis is a self suicide piece, but it’s true and I hope it could bring something to someone. With all that said, am I a toxic person to be around? I’m not the best judge of that, but I think people around me would have mixed responses. I think I’m cool most of the time, but I do tend to bring up the negative sides to people. The only thing I know for sure is that I am way better now than a few years ago. Cheers.I honestly don’t enjoy judging people, even though it’s an empowering feeling at first. Because I realize very soon that I’m not only being mean to others but also being mean to myself.</article></body>

Why Am I Such a Judgmental Brat

Maybe I just hate myself

I’m judging all the time, even though it isn’t on purpose. Not sure if I should blame it on genes or the judgmental Asian culture I grew up in — or attribute it to my deep-seated insecurities.

Somehow there is always a flaw or something I don’t like about a person, no one is ever good enough.

The truth is, I don’t think I’m ever good enough.

The days I feel bad about myself

When I feel like shit, I would sit and find someone to step on. What I mean is, I’ll think about somebody I know, usually a person I consider to be ‘less’ than me and tear them apart.

“Nancy’s just lucky because her family has money, she thinks she’s so pretty, the selfies look like they look hours, she tries so hard, hahaha, so sad, she relies on her looks so much, if she wasn’t born with all these things, she would be NOTHING.”

The truth is, I’m just jealous I don’t’ have a girlfriend like that.

I’m a hater

I also chew up people I’m envious of. I often find myself upset over people that I don’t even know. I’ll probably click on something on Youtube that caught my eyes and then get pissed.

“Douchebag, the girls who like him are all shallow, butt ugly beasts. He’s lying his ass off, why are there so many dumb, blind tools? He just got lucky, anyone else could has done what he did. Who does he think he is? Watch, his 15 minutes of fame will be over soon. Why the hell am I even watching his video?”

The truth is, I wish I could be like him.

I compare

I constantly compare, making sure I’m better in someway somehow.

“Danny’s garbage, he’s not going anywhere in life, he shouldn’t even be talking about getting dating pretty girl, are you kidding me? I’m not like him, I got big dreams, I set goals and make them happen, I get ahead in life.”

The truth is, I’m just as lazy, but I want to diminish him to justify my own lack of ambition

I think I’m too good

My internal dialogue: “I’m not like all these people, dress the same, talk the same, do the same things, they are all average. I’m different, I’m way more interesting, I rather not associate myself with them.”

The truth is, I believe I’m less than.

I have to give an opinion about everyone

I don’t wake up and set out to destroy people, I do compliment when I’m impressed, but 90% of the time I look for people’s bad side.

I’ll be watching a show and I’ll critique the actors’ acting like I’m Robert De Niro. “Oh my lord, who gave her the lead, casting couch? Her expressions are so pretentious and unconvincing, I’ve seen better from amateurs from Soap Operas.”

I’ll make comments about Americans like an Asian, then I’ll make comments about Asians like an American. “Freaking Americans have no soul, they don’t care about shit.” “Freaking Asians are so uptight, they care too much about everything.”

I’ll go out and trash people with money, “It’s all about money, they don’t know anything else, they fucking hate their jobs, walking around like they are the shit, not even that rich, you only drive an Audi, bro.”

I’ll pick part couples, “Why is this girl with this guy, I bet she’s just lonely and just cling to whatever she can get. Why is this guy with this chick, her nose makes her look like a bird.”

I’ll gossip about just anything, they don’t necessarily have to be threatening my self-esteem.

The truth is, I want to measure against everyone.

I don’t like myself

Since high school, I have always been critical of everyone, I have always kept people at a distance, and I have not liked many people.

I do know the things I don’t accept of others are the things that I don’t accept about myself. I criticize them to put myself up in the power position, so I can feel like I’m above them, instead of facing my issues.

It’s hard to feel okay about myself without constantly trying to protect my ego, even if it means attacking others.

Sometimes I’m a hypocrite

I would say, at least 30% of what I say about other people, is also true for myself.

For example, I always look down on people for having no class and integrity — not responding to messages or phone calls, being dishonest. But I’m not much different, most of my manners are lost. And I find that hideous about myself.

What gave me the right to insult another person for having the same imperfections as myself?

How we judge people reflect what how we feel about ourselves

It’s a problem that I struggle with myself, so I’m not in a position to teach anybody anything.

I’m scared, I don’t like everyone because I’m afraid of them not liking me.

Racism, stereotypes, sexism, and hatred or oppression of any kind comes from the same root, fear. People haven’t conquered their inner demons and they are releasing them out to others.

The better we feel about ourselves, the less hostile we become.

Things that have helped with my insecurities

Forgiveness. I felt wronged and hurt by some people in my life, intentionally or not. And I watched some Eckhart Tolle videos and realized, by holding on to the pain, resentment, and anger, I’m giving more power to them, and they will continue to reoccur in my life. Letting go sets me free, forget what people did to me, be a bigger person, a scar won’t heal if I keep gripping the wound tightly.

Love. This one goes without saying. I was mentally unhealthy for so many years, being on my own. My mom came to the U.S., and I felt a little more comfortable. Then my girlfriend came into my life, and I felt pretty strong. When I build a little community or family around me, I think I’ll be invincible.

Meditation. I think everyone should meditate, for various reasons. I’m not trying to become Buddha and reach some sort of nirvana. Just being alone for 10–15 minutes each day, inhaling then exhaling slowly, releasing all of my worries, tension, and stress. Sitting in complete peace and refilling my mind with positive thoughts, it reduces a huge amount of anxiety.

Accepting. This is the most effective one in my opinion. I am very shameful about a few aspects of myself, and I always hide them. Even though I understand the concept of ‘having nothing to hide’, but to truly do it takes tremendous courage. However, if I can’t accept my own flaws, who can?

Are people like me toxic to be around

This is a self suicide piece, but it’s true and I hope it could bring something to someone. With all that said, am I a toxic person to be around? I’m not the best judge of that, but I think people around me would have mixed responses. I think I’m cool most of the time, but I do tend to bring up the negative sides to people. The only thing I know for sure is that I am way better now than a few years ago. Cheers.

I honestly don’t enjoy judging people, even though it’s an empowering feeling at first. Because I realize very soon that I’m not only being mean to others but also being mean to myself.