Why Algorithms Scare Me

Confessions of a social media phobe

“The algorithms that orchestrate our ads are starting to orchestrate our lives.” -Eli Pariser

You see, I was an English major. I went with English major for one major reason: math frightens me.

In retrospect, if I had it to do all over again, I’d have gone with history major, mainly because I’ve now lived so much of it. But when you’re 18–19 you’re stupid about most things, not the least of which is beer consumption. I’ve seen no scientific studies, but it’s my theory — based on my misspent youth — there’s a synergistic effect between common stupidity and alcohol-induced stupidity.

But I digress. Algorithms (pronounced Al Gore ithms. Gack.).

Algorithms are mathematical, they reek of it. Dictionary.com defines them this way:

Mathematics. a set of rules for solving a problem in a finite number of steps, as the Euclidean algorithm for finding the greatest common divisor.

Computers. an ordered set of instructions recursively applied to transform data input into processed data output, as a mathematical solution, descriptive statistics, internet search engine result, or predictive text suggestions.

You might well ask yourself, “Umm, what?” And “What the hell is the Euclidean algorithm?” Which is what I asked. Again, I went to Dictionary.com.

(NOTE: I use Dictionary.com as my primary source of lexicography because I believe no language police would think this resource important enough to make knee-jerk changes to definitions based on agenda-driven utterings. Not yet, anyway. I checked the word preference to confirm this. But it’s only a matter of time. I’m sure their bots are diligently searching.)

Here’s what it said: a method based on the division algorithm for finding the greatest common divisor of two given integers.

Yep, you guessed it: Math. Bathed in it like the blood of a Druidic ritual. My interpretation of this definition is, “A method… blah, blah… for finding the… blah, blah, blah.” All of it threw me into a fetal position, sucking my thumb.

Now, even though I once had the title Senior Programmer/Analyst for a major airline — because of an NDA I signed, I can’t say which, but it was an American airline — I still don’t understand algorithms. And they frighten me. They should frighten you, too.

If we look at the second definition, you’ll see why. The one related to computers: “an ordered set of instructions recursively applied to transform… blah, blah… predictive text suggestions.”

That’s Orwellian Speak for “We will send little digital Schultzstaffel [Protection Squads, SS for short] throughout the Intercloud to seek things we — the algorithm overlords — don’t like or do like to censor one or promote the other, respectively.”

At the risk of the social media Brown Shirts coming after me, I think said SM censorship has been well demonstrated in recent revelations of political corruption, and advocacy over the past four years (or more) of more agenda-driven falsehoods and propaganda.

Perhaps I’m paranoid, but I suspect it has already happened to me. As a wise man once said to me from deep shadows in a parking garage, “Just because you’re paranoid, doesn’t mean people aren’t out to get you.”

I’m relatively new to the Medium platform, and, despite my advanced age, probably naïve, certainly ignorant. However, one can’t help but notice the Tower of Pisa-like left lean of the platform. You just need to tap into most of the top stories on the Main page to see that. The headlines alone practically make you list to the left.

In case you haven’t guessed, I’m not left-leaning.

Some months back, not long after I signed on to the platform, I read a piece from the main page, from some publication. Don’t remember the title of the piece, don’t remember the publication. The author was a liberal legal academic and politician from an eastern city. The gist of the article suggested how socialistic corrections and rigorous “social engineering” would cure the country’s woes, which was to say in the piece, those brought about by the right. I disagreed with the premise and left an unflattering comment stating such. The temerity of my comment outraged the editor of the publication. He called me a troll and decreed me blocked.

My comment was a one-line subjective opinion. Nothing obscene, no name calling, yet blunt. Maybe I could’ve expressed it better, less caustic. BUT it was nothing more outrageous than the exercise of my free speech, however poorly expressed, not unlike the mental regurgitation I had in my college beer-drinking days. Except I didn’t have the drinking excuse.

Still, I honestly thought that Medium was not in the same Draconian ideological pool as its social media cousins. I thought it was a platform where writers (for a fee) could leave free expression of thought without retribution.

So, unless someone footed my bail, I’m blocked. I’m not exactly sure what that means or to what extent. All I know is about three weeks into my Medium contributions I had a story curated and have had nothing since. Now, it’s entirely possible I’m not as good a writer as I think. On the other hand, I’ve diligently followed all the “curation rules” as I understand them. From a purely subjective view on featured articles, I find I’m not as good as some, just as good as some, better than some. Also, despite being left-handed, I don’t write from the left. I use both hands about equally. And I don’t write politics (current piece excluded).

So, I gotta wonder, what gives? I’m not saying I deserve curation, but I am suspicious. Medium admits its curation process is subjective, as I suppose are their algorithms.

Were it not through the good graces of Dr Mehmet Yildiz, who has repeatedly published my stuff in his diverse and open-minded publication ILLUMINATION-Curated, I would probably not continue in Medium. Not that it would be any significant loss to anyone if I didn’t.

The last thing I want to sound like one is of those whimpering narcissistic celebrities, who thinks anyone, except maybe her tax accountant, would give a sh** if they left the country based on whatever political snit they’re in. Earlier I admitted some naivete, but on this, I’m not so naïve as to think my absence on Medium would matter one tweet… even if I gained celebrity status.

Here’s where I’m trying to bring this harangue: The ruling class of social media has created — in a word the Left likes to use — systemic prejudice with all their manipulative incubus-like Al Gore ithms. This permutation of social media is saturating our society. We’re being molded in our sleep like the Invasion of the Body Snatchers. It starts out innocent enough: build a profile on what we buy, how we pursue our lifestyle. But this Big Tech cancer has metastasized into something way beyond Orwellian. We are becoming controlled, told how to act, buy, live, think. Now we can be “culture-canceled” if our lifestyle and expression don’t go along with the “Tower of Pisa” mob.

I for one don’t want to be “culture-canceled” because of the way I think. What the hell is happening?

It’s not funny. Algorithms frighten me. They should frighten you, too.

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