Whose Normal Are You?

It’s probably someone else’s

“You’re pretty average” someone once said to me. Well, more than one someone. Quite a few, actually.

Whilst it didn’t excite me, I was at least relieved that I wasn’t below average. And so I thanked my lucky stars for the small mercy of being “normal”.

Because that’s what average is, isn’t it.

The problem with normal

Okay, so we’ve established that when someone calls you normal, they mean you are average. Average height, average income, average car, average job.

Basically, you’re the type of person that is seen every day. Seen, and not heard. Sure, you’ve got some friends and family. Colleagues (some at least) will give you the time of day. And, for most, you get a vote.

But that’s about it. And that’s normal.

The question is, are you normal?

Well, I don’t know who you are. Maybe you’re a self-made billionaire test pilot who has just won the world chess championships the day after taking your first trapeze class.

But I doubt it. You’re probably normal.

And that’s ok. It’s not bad to be normal. Afterall, normal people make the world go round.

But I’m guessing that for you, it is a problem. I’m guessing that long ago, before the indignity of the world and insecurities of others weighed you down, you thought of yourself as more than normal.

You thought of yourself as exceptional.

And so, that’s the problem of normal. Normal means the following;

1. You are so similar to everyone else that there is no meaningful distinction
2. You’ve become so indistinct by following the prescribed plan
3. The prescribed life-plan doesn’t allow for individual meaning
4. Your life is at odds with your true purpose

I understand if you read this and feel a little cheated. I do too. I mean, I had dreams. Dreams beyond work. Dreams of a life where I woke up and, no matter how hard it was, I felt like it was worth living.

But it’s worse than you think. Let’s go a layer deeper.

If you feel like this, and I feel like this, then how many other people feel like this?

I think many, many people feel the same level of sacrificed aspirations and abandoned meaning, all so we can chase the “dream job” and realise that it’s actually shit.

And if many people feel like this, then, feeling like this is…

...well, pretty normal.

We are drowning in a sea of commonplace

“I don’t feel like anything matters.

My job is pretty pointless.

People are flakey and distant.

I felt lonely in my last relationship and every Netflix show is either stupid or preachy” — Everyone

Moaning like that is pretty normal. I know I’ve moaned some variation of the above. And so that’s it, the new normal. Everyone is dissatisfied with every aspect of their lives.

And it seems to be getting worse.

Now I’m not offering any reasons for this here. No complaints about social media or the impact of capitalism. There are plenty of articles out there for that.

What I am saying is, if I am normal, then this is what I am.

A low-paid drudgeon in a meaningless, unfulfilling job, with only the flakey to keep me company, single or in a lonely relationship.

And I can’t even watch shows anymore.

If this is normal, then I don’t like normal.

And I’m not going to be this normal for much longer.

How about you?

Time for a reframe

Well, I’ve got to say that I am going to be normal. And so are you. There is no getting away from a normal life.

But, we each get a choice.

We each get to choose whose normal we are going to be. We can choose the normal of society, of the people who moan, of those who know that there is a problem but just won’t do anything about it.

Or, we can choose a different normal.

A normal that we construct, that we decide. A normal that is created from our own hard work and the realisation of our own dreams.

Not a new normal decided by committee, but one which we decide on for ourselves.

So, what does this actually mean?

Let’s look at an example to understand. We’ll take Henry Cavill.

What does Henry do, day in day out;

1. Be amazing in the gym
2. Read scripts
3. Attend auditions
4. Talk to his agent
5. Perform in front of a camera
6. Attend the parties of the rich and the famous

I’m sure there is more to it but it’s enough to make my point.

Sure, that sounds cool to me. I’ve never been to glamorous Hollywood parties or had meetings with my agent before reading the script of a soon-to-be amazing blockbuster.

But Henry has.

He’s done all of those things more than once. He may very well be sick of some of them. But, from what I read, it seems like he is going to continue to do them for quite a while.

This is his normal. It’s normal for him to attend these parties. It’s normal for him to star in movies. It’s just what he does.

Before you start thinking that I’m pushing this to be the ideal to strive for, I’m not. I don’t want his normal. I have zero interest in swapping lives with him. I’d like his money, but not like that.

And that’s the beauty of normal. We can construct our own. I don’t have to want Henry’s normal. And he doesn’t want to have mine.

But we can construct a normal. In fact, we already have.

Henry constructed his through action. From knowing what he wanted and making it happen.

I, on the other hand, constructed mine through inaction. By just going with the flow and not really paying attention.

And by watching far too much Family Guy.

Conclusion

1. Normal is a state of mind
2. Some choose their normal, others choose to let the world define theirs
3. Whatever your normal is, it will feel normal
4. A normal you want is created through action
5. Without action, you are letting your normal be defined for you