Summary

In a humorous narrative set in a Home Depot, the author weaves the answers to a "This or That" personality prompt into a story about a woman named Toni who has an emotional breakdown over choosing lightbulbs, symbolizing her struggle to shine in her own unique way.

Abstract

The author creatively embeds responses to a personality questionnaire within a tale of a woman's meltdown in a hardware store. Toni, the protagonist, is overwhelmed by the variety of lightbulbs, which represents the complexity of her personality. The story serves as a metaphor for the challenges of self-identification and the pressure to conform to societal expectations. Through a chance encounter with a man named Mark, Toni finds solace and affirmation, leading to a resolution that encourages embracing one's individuality. The narrative concludes with the author revealing the embedded answers to the personality questions, inviting readers to engage in a literary scavenger hunt to find them.

Opinions

The author playfully criticizes the complexity of choosing lightbulbs, suggesting it as an analogy for the overwhelming choices in self-expression.
The cashier's skepticism and the store manager's initial disbelief imply a common underestimation of the emotional weight behind seemingly mundane decisions.
The manager's decision to involve a customer (Mark) in resolving the situation with Toni reflects an understanding that sometimes an outside perspective is needed to offer comfort and understanding.
Toni's emotional response to the lightbulb dilemma and her subsequent conversation with Mark highlight the importance of being heard and understood by others.
The author's use of humor and irony in the footnotes underscores the absurdity of real-life situations that can feel like a performance or a test, much like the teambuilding activities the author is known for.
The story ultimately conveys a message of self-acceptance and the value of shining brightly in one's own way, as symbolized by Toni's restored "glow."

This or That Prompt Response

Whoops — I Broke 20 Questions

Sorry, Toni

**Toni lights up our world.** Created by Author in Canva Pro — Original Images: arturmarciniecphotos + Toni the Talker Medium profile

Instead of submitting the expected response to the Extroverted or Introverted prompt, I hid the answers to all 20 questions inside the following story. Buckle up. It’s time for a literary scavenger hunt.

Not Your Average Trip to the Hardware Store

Standing in the Home Depot check-out line, I feel the glare of the cashier and wait for the same question I’m asked every visit.

“What kind of project are you doing with lumber, astroturf carpet, and PVC pipe?” she asks skeptically.

I sigh and mumble my standard response. “I create teambuilding events for a living. I’m making a portable mini golf course to use with clients.”

“Riiiiiiiiiiggght,” she answers with her southern drawl extending the word into three syllables. She doesn’t believe me, but she also cannot think of a better alternative and stops asking questions.

Then a spontaneous crash in the lighting and fixtures aisle overcomes our awkward moment.

I turn towards the noise, wondering if there is a logical explanation for the disturbance. Orange-vested team members approach the gregarious extrovert they find next to a messy pile of LED lightbulb boxes and broken glass.

“Soft-white? Brilliant-white? Natural light? 1000 Lumens? 900 Lumens? In all my dreams, I never imagined there could be so many choices. I don’t mean to be critical, but how should a woman prepare to buy a lightbulb?”

The store manager stepped forward, initiating a conversation.

“Ma’am. Are you ok? I’m a pretty imaginative guy, but I’m having trouble understanding why you built this figurative mountain of merchandise on the floor.”

“You’re judging me!” she shouted at him.

“Ma’am, I assure you am I not. I did not become the head of this warehouse of home improvement products — at reasonable prices, I might add — without some experiential knowledge of dealing with crises.”

“I don’t believe you. You’re questioning my sanity and ability to form conceptual understandings,” she cried.

Realizing a tough or candid interaction was not working, the manager tried a new approach.

“What if you shared your concern with someone who doesn’t work for the store? A total stranger who does not represent Home Depot. I’m thinking that might be just what you need.”

The overwhelmed woman nodded at the manager with an enthusiasm that could only be described as expressive.

“Hey, you! The bearded guy with the weird assortment of incompatible plumbing supplies,” the manager bellowed at me. “Come over here and help this poor woman.”

To the chagrin of the cashier, I abandoned my lumber cart and walked toward the unfolding scene.

“Hi, I’m Mark. I’ll listen as best I can, but I’m not a doctor. I’m not sure how much help I can give.”

“What’s your name?” I asked.

“Toni”

“You seem like a talker. What is this really about? Lightbulb complexity is obnoxious but does not warrant this intense reaction.”

“My mom told me I was a light bulb and needed to shine. But all I could find were LED bulbs,” she whispered. “I’m luminously bright and incandescent. I’m an original.”

“I understand, Toni,” I repeated softly.

We sat together on the floor of the Home Depot until the tears disappeared. After twenty minutes of emotion, we stood up and left the store. Toni’s glow was restored.

“I agree, Toni. Shine bright.”

The original 20 Questions

Extroverted Or Introverted

Which One Are You?

medium.com

And my responses in bold.

№ 1 Experiential or Theoretical

№ 2 Logical or Empathetic

№ 3 Reasonable or Compassionate

№ 4 Practical or Conceptual

№ 5 Systematic or Spontaneous

№ 6 Realistic or Imaginative

№ 7 Original or Traditional

№ 8 Tough or Tender

№ 9 Adapt or Prepare

№ 10 Expressive or Reserved

№ 11 Tactful or Candid

№ 12 Literal or Figurative

№ 13 Facts or Dreams

№ 14 Questioning or Accommodating

№ 15 Organized or Messy

№ 16 Thinking or Feeling

№ 17 Judging or Perceiving

№ 18 Critical or Accepting

№ 19 Initiating or Receiving

№ 20 Gregarious or Intimate

Did you find all 20 words in our scavenger hunt the first time? If not, it’s fun to try again.

Toni the Talker, you have my insincerest apologies for breaking your prompt. 😜

Footnotes

¹ Not satire. I legitimately get weird looks from store employees because I ask bizarre questions and test teambuilding activities inside the building.

“Excuse me, Sir? Will a golf ball fit inside this 2-inch pipe? Wait, never mind. I can check it myself.”

Then I pull a golf ball out of my pocket and play like the home improvement warehouse exists to be my giant, personal Rube Goldberg machine.

**For all the doubters.** Author’s Photo

New to Medium? Want to read unlimited stories by great authors? Join Medium here, and I get some extra pennies.