Who Are You Now That You’ve Grown Up?

It’s not too late to choose your own path to happiness.

As a child, many of the conversations I had with adults usually generated the same question: “What do you want to be when you grow up?”

It became such a common topic, I started making up answers to satisfy their expectations: Nurse, teacher, mom, librarian, secretary, bank teller. Most of the time, my response would draw a smile and approving head-nod.

These occasional interrogations seemed to come out of nowhere from family members, aunts, uncles, grandparents, neighbors, teachers, the lady who worked at the dry-cleaner, and the occasional stranger chatting it up with my Mom and I while standing in line at the store.

Seemed like everyone wanted in on the action.

I learned to answer quickly, and with certainty.

Any hesitation on my part was interpreted as indecision — an open opportunity for persuasive suggestions, delivered with a mixture of soft pressure and subconscious directive.

Even from my young, impressionable perspective, I recognized the need in others to know I had committed to a worthy profession, preferably one that met traditional gender mores and adult approval.

It was a lot to ask from an adolescent.

But in all those conversations, no one ever asked me the question in reverse: What don’t you want to be when you grow up?

I think if they had, I would’ve started eliminating the unacceptable options much earlier in life, perhaps resulting in a path to adulthood that may have been a little clearer — with fewer detours and dead-ends.

I might have even reached the conclusion the best answer to any question concerning my future was to maintain my freedom of choice — an alternative allowing me to grow and flourish naturally at my own pace, rather than of shifting in and out of the shadows of others’ expectations.

Looking back at those early conversations, I’ve come to realize many of those offering advice and recommendations were making a furtive attempt to correct their own past mistakes.

Innocently dispensed as objective guidance, the suggestions were typically delivered with underlying caution — a camouflaged warning laced with regret for having chosen the wrong career, an incompatible partner, or the wrong direction in life.

Perhaps in offering the possibility of a better outcome by comparing their lives to the one I had yet to live, they found a sense of redemption from their own poor choices.

Certainly, their intentions were honorable. And I can’t blame them for trying.

But what happens when the well-meaning advice of others isn’t a good fit for the recipient?

If you find yourself questioning or even regretting your past decisions, or being overly anxious about your future direction, it may be an indication your true self is attempting to get through — the one who’s ready to take charge and point the way, without a hidden agenda.

The realization can come after a hard-fought loss in business, an unwanted change in careers, or a disappointing outcome in a significant relationship.

That’s when we realize we’ve been following — trusting — the directions of a wayward compass, one that stopped working a long time ago.

Regardless of when it happens, there’s always an opportunity to clear our mental gardens of deeply-rooted weeds. Still, many of us hesitate to change our direction or modify our priorities and actions to attain the things we ultimately want in our lives.

Because it’s hard to destroy a living thing, even when you didn’t plant it.

Personally, I’m starting a list — possibly the most important one I’ll ever make.

Maybe if I document irrelevant life distractions in the form of other people’s dreams, I’ll be able to dismiss all the past obstacles.

And when I have a clear vision of what’s been holding me back — that barrier standing between my aspirations and future happiness — I’ll begin looking for another home for these emotional barnacles.

Or better yet, return them to the source under warranty — finally releasing my subconscious of useless, broken aspirations, gifted with inappropriate but well-meaning intent.

“The only way to get better is to walk away from what you used to believe. And the person you become can’t possibly be the same as the person you were.” — Seth Godin

Jill Reid is the author of Real Life and Discover Your Personal Truth.

Here are a few more tips for traveling your own path to happiness:

Jill Reid is the founder of Pathway to Personal Growth and author of Real Life and Discover Your Personal Truth. Her books and articles explore life, happiness, relationships, health, and personal success strategies.