Self

Who We Really Are?

Our True Selves Beyond Career Achievements and Societal Expectations

I was in elementary school the first time I was introduced to this question: “What do you want to be when you grow up?” This question may seem simple and innocent, but it carries a huge list of implications, at least as I think. It suggests that we are not yet enough in our current state, and our worth is less to nothing unless we become what we think we will be in the future. It anticipates a future where one’s value is tied to a given title, occupation, or status.

Every single human is naturally attracted to being unique and special. This longing for uniqueness is deeply ingrained in us. We follow these titles, degrees, and statuses, hoping that they will bring meaning into our lives. But does this path guarantee our true value, or is it an illusion that separates us from knowing who we really are?

Value Beyond Titles

From as early as I can remember, my future aspirations were always being asked about. Again and again, my answer was, “I would like to be a teacher.” Though at such a tender age, what being a teacher entailed remained vague to me; I just believed achieving this would make me better and more valuable. Maybe I did not have enough examples or role models around me from different disciplines. However, I was unsure why I had chosen to be a teacher. The only thing I may attribute to this feeling is that I felt I would be more valuable and have more freedom then, and I would be the real me.

I was hoping that someone around me would tell me that our worth as individuals cannot be equated with professional accomplishments — this belief is fundamentally mistaken because it implies that until people reach certain positions, they have less to no value. Unfortunately, this is why many individuals worldwide might feel frustrated later in their lives, and that’s why we get disappointed in our jobs when we find that there is no “real me” over there at all.

Chase of Career Goals

Our dreams often turn into career goals as we mature. However, there is a danger in pursuing these objectives since they tend to blur the lines between our career success and self-esteem. In continually seeking fulfillment through these means, we will find that even though satisfaction seems almost within touching distance, it remains elusive, leading us away from understanding ourselves fully.

Why? Simply put, career goals change over time; they evolve beyond their initial promises. They mark milestones along a never-ending journey rather than representing the endpoint itself. If our self-worth is attached to these dynamic targets, can we ever truly say that we have found contentment in ourselves?

At the Heart of Who We Are

The truth is that our worth is intrinsic but often gets lost in societal norms and expectations. It is not something that can be earned through titles or career achievements. Every person has an inherent value that cannot be measured by what they achieve externally. This realization empowers us to see our careers and accomplishments as expressions of our expertise, interests, and contributions rather than as determinants of our self-worth.

Being young didn’t require one to have a future career or status for us to feel valued; simple things brought joy and meaning into life; we were imaginative and creative without knowing that this was a template for meaning; it was the very essence of living fully. As we are growing up, let’s rediscover this fact. Meaning, on the other hand, does not run out of time nor depend on success in our careers.

Science and Externally Derived Self-Worth

One scientific research focused on more than six hundred freshmen in college and found out that students who derive their identity from external sources such as their looks, what other people think of them, and how they perform academically get angry easily, stressed, and disturbed relationships with friends and classmates. They also had higher levels of drug use and symptoms of bad eating habits.

The study indicated that a substantial proportion of students based their self-esteem on academic ability, family support, or approval from peers. Those students who saw academic achievement as part of their self-esteem did not have higher grades even after being highly motivated and spending more time studying. They also reported more conflicts with professors and higher stress levels. According to the researcher, this could impair performance because tying the sense of self to educational success produces anxiety and diverts attention.

On the other hand, those relying on inner traits like being righteous and upholding moral values enjoyed better grades while minimizing cases of drug addiction or eating disorders. Self-esteem beyond personal gain is emphasized by the researcher, which suggests individuals should focus on acts with relevance to social life instead of increasing it through activities like schoolwork, attendance, etc (Crocker, 2002).

The Danger of Losing Ourselves

There is a subtle but major danger in trying to define ourselves through our jobs. On my journey, I wanted to become a teacher not because of a proper understanding of the things I am passionate about or what I can do best. It was a way of dealing with an implicit sense of inability as a child; it was my way to follow the community trend that urged me to be worthy by being much more of who I am. If we are not careful enough, this type of thinking may lead us onto a path where our career achievements become all-important, taking over our real needs, abilities, and principles.

Our lives are artifacts compiled from various experiences, relationships, passions, and achievements. To make it just one thread — our profession means missing out on the vastness that human nature entails. Our careers may be big, but they should never become the measure of ourselves or define any part of us. Simply, I ask myself: what if I fail in my job? Does this mean I am a failure? No, at all, and no one should think so.

Embracing Our Intrinsic Value

To truly appreciate who we are, we must recognize that it is independent of what we do as occupations and how successful we have been overall in life. Like trees’ value is rooted in themselves, not their fruits, the same applies to us as humans, having careers as part and parcel of their very beings rather than being created in isolation from themselves. That’s why they’re platforms upon which they showcase their skills and passion, contribute to society, or find personal satisfaction.

This realization gives us freedom. We can embark on our professions passionately without feeling compelled to justify our worth since it is inherent anyway. This results in greater adaptability whenever professionals undergo certain challenges within the course of their careers while keeping sight of inherent values.

What I think at the end

Finally, it all comes down to striking a fine line between striving for success in a career while still having self-worth unaffected by possible career accomplishments, achievements, or other external sources. I know it is not easy, and at some point, you might find it impossible to stick yourself out of your career, but we should keep trying. Me too, I am still fighting with my old mindset to set the belief that all of my achievements do not fully define me. It’s part of me, of course, but it should not be me at all. I’m gradually reshaping my mindset to value my intrinsic values truly and to recognize that these are what truly define the real me, nothing else.

We need to remember that who we are matters more than what we have achieved individually. Our lives should be enriched by jobs, milestones, accomplishments, achievements, and goals, not defined by them. While seeking self-realization through a career, let us attempt to remain the real ourselves. The ultimate destination of our worth is not a location we go to. Instead, it is a fact that we face in every moment of our existence, wherever and in whatever avenue it may be.

Reference

Crocker, J. (2002), The Costs of Seeking Self–Esteem. Journal of Social Issues, 58: 597–615. https://doi.org/10.1111/1540-4560.00279 [Link]

Author’s Note

Thank you for reading my story. Here is some information about my background. 🙏Consider sharing and participating in the conversation if this content speaks to you. For any queries, collaborations, or comments, reach out to me at [email protected]. Thank you for supporting my work!