Who Wakes Up the 5 AM Club?

Summary

Paul, a former resurrectionist, now works as a modern-day knocker-upper, waking up clients who aspire to be part of the 5 AM club without using electronics, adhering to strict self-help routines that include avoiding electronic use in the morning and, for some clients, requiring Paul to fast from electronics for 24 hours before waking them.

Abstract

The narrative revolves around Paul, who has taken up an unconventional job as a knocker-upper in a world where waking up at 5 AM has become a trendy self-help practice. His role is to wake clients who are committed to the principles of the 5 AM club, which includes abstaining from using any electronic devices in the morning. Some clients are so dedicated to this lifestyle that they require Paul to refrain from using electronics for a full day before their wake-up call. Paul's unique job requires him to adapt his lifestyle significantly, including going to bed early, riding a bike instead of using a self-driving car, and even fasting from electronics. The story highlights the lengths people will go to adhere to self-help advice and the impact it has on their daily lives, including the resurgence of historical professions like knocker-uppers.

Opinions

The author suggests that the pursuit of self-help trends, such as the 5 AM club, can lead to extreme and somewhat impractical behaviors, like avoiding all electronics in the morning.
There is an implied critique of the modern obsession with productivity and self-help fads, which can result in people like Paul taking on unusual jobs to cater to these trends.
The story portrays a nostalgic twist on modern jobs, with historical professions like knocker-uppers making a comeback in a contemporary context.
The characters in the story express skepticism about Paul's job and the lifestyle choices of his clients, indicating a contrast between mainstream social behavior and the practices of the 5 AM club members.
The narrative implies that despite the perceived absurdity of the job, there is a market for such services, and Paul is compensated well for his unique role in the self-help community.

They can’t use their phone, can they?

“Guys! I gotta go. Thanks for the beers!”

“Wait, Paul, what? It’s only 7 PM!”

“I know, but I’ve got this new job, and I need to be in bed by eight.”

“Seriously?”

“Yeah. You know how trendy it became to wake up at 5 AM? Everybody wants to be part of the 5 AM club around here — except for you guys! And if you were interested in anything else but booze and weird TikTok videos, you would know how the number one self-help advice is to NOT look at your phone or use any electronics in the morning. Combine the two, and knocker-uppers like me are back on the job market.”

“You always had the weirdest jobs, Paul. I remember when you were a resurrectionist back in college. But still, why 8? You can use your phone and set an alarm clock, can’t you?”

“That’s the thing; some of my clients are real purists. They don’t want to touch or use any electronics in the morning, nor do they want to be awakened by someone who touched or used electronics before meeting with them. So, if I want to wake up in time, I need to go to bed extra early.”

“Incredible. Good thing you bought this self-driving car; at least you can sleep on the way!”

“Not really; I can’t drive to their place, too much electronics inside. I got to ride my bike. All right, I’m out. See you next week.”

“Wait! What about the party at Zane’s tomorrow?”

“Sorry, can’t do. One of my Monday clients requested special treatment. They demand their knocker-upper to fast for at least twenty-four hours from electronics before waking them up. It’s a lot of constraints, but the money’s good. Beers on me next week! Cheers!”

This story is based on the following writing prompt:

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