Who Says Don’t Burn Bridges?
Starting the fire can protect you in the long run
I think the person who coined the term “don’t burn your bridges” didn’t know what it was like being stuck in toxic friendships.
Bridges for some can be literal death traps to cross, and the very idea of going back the way they came fills their very toes with dread. At least, this is what I’ve come to realise having crossed a lot of them in my time.
There’s no smoke without fire (don’t you just love puns?), and if you get a whiff of it from the friend in question, you’d sometimes be better off making it known and setting up a nice flame of your own on the bridge between you.
When not to listen to the “never burn bridges” advice
Very recently, I had an awful reality check at a pirate-themed party, which resulted in me walking away from an entire friendship group. I made the mistake of explaining the ordeal to someone from the said group over Facebook.
I felt the need to explain why I’d not been around. I ended up explaining about all my ex had done on the beach that night. Why it scared me to the point that I decided to completely wipe him from my life.
What did I get from them in return?
Well you’re trying to mold him to how you think he should be and that isn’t your call I’m afraid as much as you may hate that. Sounds like you have some resentment to work out?
I was astonished someone could judge an entire situation based on assumption alone. They weren't there that night, but they know this person in question. He hurts people around him through his addiction and inability to control himself or seek out help. Yet, they tried to make me feel like I was doing something wrong.
I gave my final words, then, goodbye, f**ker. Blocked.
Yes, sometimes burning a bridge can be hitting the “Block” button on Facebook Messenger.
The more your confidence grows and the bigger your flame gets, the more people will resent and dislike you, whether you want them to or not. You will make enemies just by being yourself. So take the rule “Never burn bridges!” with a grain of salt. Sometimes burning a bridge is the healthiest thing you can do.
There are only so many people we can let into our waters without them making us toxic ourselves.
Who knows, maybe this was the case for my ex-friend in this story. Either that, or he’s just a condescending a** hole.
Why i’m proud to start fires
I’ve often seen my own self-preservation as something I’m not allowed to do because it’s selfish. By burning bridges, I’m choosing not to think about my friends anymore. About the problems that could be causing them to act out, push me away or even hurt me. Burning certain bridges has allowed me to be more connected with myself, and what I will and will not tolerate from others. I see this as a sign of strength, not selfishness.
The truth is, life is fleeting. There’s no point wasting time with the wrong people, in this case, the ones who are oftentimes harming you without you even knowing it. So personally, I feel proud when I can spot when this is happening and take actionable steps toward making life better for myself.
Should you burn your bridge?
I despise people who use platforms to preach their unrivalled wisdom to the masses, claiming they’ve found the answer to your problems. So the last thing I’d want to do is to claim to know the same.
Despite being an often long and arduous process, building bridges (forming friendships) remains one of my favourite things to do purely because it exercises a skill I’ve always lacked in.
Trusting my gut.
There are times when a bridge must go, and the more practice you have, the more your gut will tell you when those times arrive. That’s exactly what I did in this scenario. Making friends can be a worthwhile and lasting experience without the need to burn bridges, but sometimes for your own sake, you need to take a stand.
Trust your gut.
If your gut gives you a reason to hesitate, then trust it.
Final thoughts
Burning a bridge involves taking a big risk. Sometimes, people may surprise you by doubling back and hopping on a plane to reach you instead. This would be an exception within an exception to the rule. It’s probably best not to rely on these.
Consider the bridge’s billowing flames to be a tribute to a friendship resoundingly over. The ultimate tethering of a connection. Then breathe and move on.
Sometimes slipping away quietly is the best option. But when it’s not, if you’re still hesitant to open the cap, pour the gasoline and light the match, then I’m here telling you to put those matches away and to pass a flaming torch to you instead.
So, go ahead. Trust your gut.
Burn it to the ground, and dance on the ashes.
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