Who Do You Think You Are?

The world doesn’t revolve around you.

Don’t let anyone make you an option.

“Don’t let anyone make you an option. You deserve to be a priority.”

I have to disagree with the statement.

I hear this often whenever someone receives this message whenever they break up in a relationship. That’s what friends are for, isn’t it? To be there for you no matter rain or shine, you’re never in the wrong. Today, perhaps you will find it in your social media when the algorithm knows that you’re upset with something and it starts feeding you with things you want to hear.

What you want to hear, is not the same as what you need to hear.

“Since you are deciding between me and him, go ahead with him. We are done. I wish you all the best.”

That is something I should have said for one of my past relationships.

The first sentence is largely applicable to the dating scene. It can’t realistically be applied to a career or any other aspect. Can you imagine saying this?

“Since you have to evaluate the pool of great candidates who have applied and interviewed for this role, I guess I will be out since I don’t want to be an option.”

That’s just being arrogant and ignorant.

What is a priority?

My definition of priority is what someone values the most at the moment of life and would give up everything else to do so. It is life and death. It is the one focus. After running a marathon, your priority is water. It is not going to be fried chicken or your smartphone.

We tend to value so many things equally. Or rather, we never ask ourselves what is our priority. We get caught up with many shiny objects. We want to do this, do that, and everything. Many times, 80% of the things add no value to our lives. Today, we have priorities — priority 1, priority 2, priority 3, and so on.

What is the priority now then?

Having priorities is as good as having no priority.

I believe the priority is singular. There are no “priorities”. You can have many things you do care about, but there should only be one thing at the moment that is the most urgent and important. And that is your priority.

Priority is subjective too.

What you believe is a priority to you, is not a priority to others. The second sentence itself “You deserve to be a priority” is flawed as it would imply the expectation of yourself to be a priority for others. Out of everything that is going on in their lives, somehow you should be the priority in their lives.

In other words, you are the Sun and they are planets revolving around you — without you, they cannot survive.

Who do you think you are?

What do you think they have in their lives?

Who do you think you are to them?

It is easy to want to fault others when things don’t go your way. When looking at others from your lens, you fail to look at yourself from their lens. Both you and them view the world from your own lens. You have things going on in your life, demons in your head, tasks to do, traumas to heal, and baggage to carry.

They too have their own versions.

Onto the word “deserve”.

My definition of deserve is something that is rightfully earned, but it is also subjective. There is also a distinction between internal and external ideas of “deserve”.

Imagine working hard all day for a year, and someone comes to you and says, you deserve a long holiday. In life, that would be working till you’re 65, and then society tells you that you deserve to rest because it’s the age for retirement.

Do you? I’ll never know and that’s up to you.

When others tell you that you deserve something, that tells you their paradigm. When you tell yourself that you deserve something, that tells you your paradigm.

For example, you might think you deserve to enjoy some Netflix show once you get home after work. To others, they might think they don’t deserve it because they have many other problems to tackle and rest is never an option. What we believe what we deserve, or what others deserve, is and will be heavily influenced by our experiences growing up and the paradigm we choose to view our environment.

When your family and friends tell you you deserve better, take it with a pinch of salt.

But if you believe you deserve to be treated as a priority, maybe you are right.

You aren’t the only one handling a mini-universe in your own head. Everyone in this universe is handling their own min-universes in their heads.

When things don’t go your way, learn to accept it.

Sometimes, there is no explanation for it. For most times, you simply won’t accept the explanation.

Ego is good. It propels you forward each day to a certain extent.

But keep it in check, for excessiveness might be the reason for you not being able to thrive in a world where no one is alone world.

Take responsibility for everything and learn to move on fast.