Who Are You Fuckers That View but Don’t Read Stories?
You’re all a bunch of pricks.
I’m still pretty new to Medium. I have a few submissions that I’ve sent to various publications with hopes that they’ll deem my blood, sweat, and tears worthy enough to be lost among five hundred million other Medium articles. Still waiting but I have my fingers crossed.
What I still don’t understand is: who are the fuckers that view but don’t actually read my articles?
I’m sure seasoned Medium veterans aren’t checking their stats like a rabid hyena to a…umm…Googles “what to hyenas eat”…oh shit, they eat everything except an animal’s rumen and horns…Googles “what is a rumen”…like a rabid hyena to a smaller prey-like creature.
Us noobs though, we’re still learning the ropes. That means our fresh and eager eyes are constantly checking our Stats page. And hitting refresh. And refresh again. With bewilderment, our eyes glance at “Average Reading Time” and “External referrals”. But most of all, we’re looking at the “Read ratio”.
What the eff people? What. The. Eff.
Why you gotta click around sporadically? Open a page, stay on that page, read the page, and only then should you click elsewhere. What kind of monster doesn’t read everything they open on the internet? Have you been raised in a barn?
I know, I know. This means that I need to “write content that engages readers” and “focus on quality, not quantity”. Blah blah blah. I concede and will stop writing articles like Why Is There a Piece of Lint on My Bedroom Floor? and I Think I’m Out of Conditioner, Should I Go to Target or Just Buy on Amazon?
Sigh. This means I’ll have to cancel publishing my latest work, Why Is Toilet Paper the Absolute Worst When Blowing Your Nose? Your loss people. Your loss.
