Psychology | Dreams | Self | Mindfulness
Who Are You?
and what are you doing in my dream?
Who are you?
What are you doing in my dreams?
What do you mean?
Actually, do you have any meaning?
If you do mean something, how will I know?
And then — what am I supposed to do about you?
Many questions.
Many thoughts.
Many answers.
Many interpretations.
And too many people who will tell you that they know exactly what your dream means!
ARGH!!
Think about this…
Q — When you tell someone what you've dreamt and then ask them what your dream means — what is their external source of information?
A — The words you've just told them.
Your words go into their head — and what comes out is their interpretation of what it would mean if they dreamt your dream!!
But of course, they did not. You dreamt your dream — you lived your life.
They told you about themselves; not about you.
Let’s talk about those cigar dreams!
There are some well-discussed dream images that “tend” to have common meanings among different people. But not always. Objects like cigars are usually designated as penises and the dream may be about sex. Ditto some fancy cars.
[There is one car I have always called the “penis-mobile” but this is one of my “that’s a story for another time” comments.]
YOUR ATTENTION PLEASE!
It is entirely possible to have a dream about a cigar or a car without it being a sexual dream!
You can actually have a dream about a cigar! Or a car!
There are other universal symbols, but what they mean for your dream? Only you — the dreamer can make that call — not the person you ask about it!
Magic and secrets
So why do we ask others what our dreams mean?
Because we are seeking a short cut to understanding ourselves. It’s the same reasoning behind all those popular quizzes online:
- pick 5 foods and I will tell you who you really are
- tell me your 7 favorites songs and I will assess your true personality
- which of these characters is your favorite — sign up and I’ll send you your free personality assessment
- [sigh]
These are very VERY popular. Why? For the same reasons we ask total strangers what our dreams mean.
- We want some quick validation of ourselves
- We want quick information that makes us happy
- We believe there is a “magic something” out there that can tell us about ourselves
- We want some “secret” revealed that can help us understand ourselves
- Etc.
Maybe that’s why these were popular?
A quick search of Kindle books showed more than 50,000 results for titles that use “the secret to” …
If I titled this article The Secret To Your Dreams, I bet I’d have a lot more readers. But I don’t do that because I know there is no secret to our dreams! Secret is usually just clickbait.
Those dreams we have are ours, we create them, we can understand them, and — we can learn to use them to our advantage! That’s what smart, savvy, sexy people do… [caveat — those last few words are part of the title of a book I’m now writing]
Dreams — both day and night ones, our unconsciousness and subconscious, song snippets or earworms, meditating, free associating — can guide us — and often provide answers to questions we may not know need answering — at least right now.
For example, here is an article I wrote about my unconscious:
All we need to do is listen to our dreams — and do some work to figure them out ourselves — it’s not hard — and the answers you get will be more accurate than the ones you get from those random people you ask.
Go forth and let your brain do its thing
Portions of this were originally published in a Kindle book, which is now unpublished. Portions will reappear in a book on Gumroad in December 2022
