White People, Don’t Unfriend Your Racist Facebook Friends
It’s the easy way out of doing the bare minimum as a White person.
I had a deeply uncomfortable experience today. As I was browsing Facebook, I saw one of my middle-school acquaintances posted a link talking about why “All Lives Matter.”
I shook my head at her, feeling mildly smug that I wasn’t as bad as her. I debating getting into it in the comments section. But ultimately, I decided against it. I was tired, and what would it change? I’d just get into a fight, drain myself emotionally, and to what purpose? She’d just disagree with me. It was better to cleanse myself of that negative energy on my feed.
My finger hovered over that unfriend button for a solid minute as I wavered. Despite my resolution, I still felt guilty. I realized why as soon as I thought about it: I was just taking the easy way out.
White People are Privileged to Not Have to Think About Racism
If I had unfriended this woman, if I had have removed her crappy opinions from my life, I would have made myself more comfortable. I would have one less interaction to remind me that my old friends hold uncomfortable opinions.
And I would have had one less prompt that I probably should do something about it.
Removing racist friends makes life better for nobody but yourself. Unfriending someone doesn’t make them not exist, perpetuating harmful ideas and stereotypes. It just means you’re not having to see them anymore.
Black people obviously don’t have that privilege. They don’t get to simply switch off and remove racism from their Facebook feed.
Make Racists Afraid Again
The first thought in my mind was that I probably wouldn’t change her opinions. Why even bother to try?
For three reasons, it’s still worth making the effort.
First, I probably won’t change her mind. But by saying something, it may make her think twice before posting it. Or it may make her reconsider voicing those opinions so freely. Social media has a bad way of making us meaner, more able to share unacceptable opinions without needing to face social consequences. Just by explaining to her why I thought it wasn’t OK to say these things may mean she doesn’t say them to others, fearing they might disapprove of her, too.
Secondly, when I don’t it, it means someone else has to. Black and Brown people bear the brunt of having to call out racism, educating White people on what they could do better. It’s work that I could do, but I wanted to shirk it because it’s uncomfortable.
Finally, it’s always possible that if you approach it with the right tone, you can change minds. White people have not had to deal with years of microaggressions, years of being accused of being too loud, too angry, too sensitive. I wasn’t able to change any minds in my interaction, but I had the energy to try where others wouldn’t.
You’re Not a Hero for Doing the Bare Minimum
I can’t congratulate myself for doing this, because it’s just the lowest step of OK. I scrunched up my eyes, typed a response, and hit send. Then, predictably, it descended into chaos in the comments section.
But I encourage other White people who are considering simply closing their eyes, holding their nose, and turning away from their messy, racist Facebook friends to instead consider taking the time to say something.
It’s not much. But it’s a step in the right direction. We can do a little bit better, one Facebook friend at a time.
