White Men Tend To Only Listen To Other White Men

I’m here to tell you that we have only two choices: Prosper under racism or struggle against it

White men tend to only listen to other white men. They will occasionally listen to a white woman. Or a person of color. It depends on their mood. White men are very moody. I know I am.

White men tend to only listen to other white men so: Donate. White men tend to only listen to other white men so: Listen. White men tend to only listen to other white men so: March.

But when I talk to other white men they listen to me, even if a few stop after a few minutes. A few have gotten very cross with me. A white man’s anger is a defense mechanism. Did you know when a horny toad feels threatened it can shoot blood out of its eyes? Well, that’s one way to think of male anger. That is, until words fully fail them and they resort to hitting and kicking and stabbing and shooting.

Anyway, this essay is for white men, like me. If you’re not a white man, you are welcome to continue reading but feel free to spend a few minutes doing almost anything else. Take a break. Breathe.

My dudes. I am only speaking for me. I am not lecturing you. There comes a time in life when a man must tell other men who he is, and this is one of those times.

If this essay angers you please feel free to leave a long, emotional response in the comments or a short, cool kid insult. The internet wasn’t built for debate. It wasn’t designed for persuasion. There’s no conflict when two people agree. No. At best, the internet is just a vast platform that allows users to publicly reveal who they truly are and declare their heart’s honest beliefs.

America is an unjust and racist society and white men need to decide if they want to change that way of life… or defend it. I mean, there are many of us who lead pretty sweet lives and maybe we don’t want things to change, even if that means other people, different people, endure.

White men need to talk to each other. We need to shoot the shit about our eternal souls. Our legacy. Did we live a righteous life? Because ignoring the horrors black men and boys have suffered at the hands of white men — hundreds of years of violence and cruelty — is not righteous.

I think about that all the time. Am I a righteous man? Are you? I try but I’m afraid that’s just not enough.

White men tend to only listen to other white men. They’re marching because they have no choice and spare me the eye roll. This isn’t just about police brutality. The cops represent power’s interest. They are the fist of the state. It’s not just the police who are brutal, white men are brutal because it is clear we will demand the police do ruthless things to make sure the status quo, its foundations cracking, is defended at all costs.

White men tend to only listen to other white men, which is one of many reasons this country can’t go a day or a week or year without a mother crying because her boy was executed by a white police officer for the crime of not looking like the men in charge — the judges, and politicians, and big shots — most of whom are white.

White men tend to only listen to other white men. We laugh at each other’s jokes. We nod. White men tend to only listen to other white men because white men speak the language of white men. It is a confident tongue. A speech soaked in sarcasm and easy authority. I am writing for white men because I am one, and I expect them to read these words. I do not require they respect what I write but they should read them.

I know young white men who are dutifully protesting the murder of George Floyd, sensitive allies who are following thousands of brave people of color who have had enough. I know white men who proudly don’t see color until they see a black man jogging in their neighborhood. And I know white men whose hearts are closed to compassion towards those people. Black people. Brown people. Anyone who isn’t from around here.

White men tend to only listen to other white men and while it is important — no — necessary to listen to non-white voices and hear their sorrow and anger and demands for justice, it is a reality that white men tend to only listen to other white men unless they are shaken out of the walking sleep that is white privilege.

For instance, last night a cable news host told his mostly older, white male viewers that “systemic racism” doesn’t exist. The night prior he had crooned an angry love song to state violence and demanded that protestors marching against the murder of George Floyd be crushed, in the hope that the nation’s strip malls would stop burning. I considered writing about this man, which I’ve done before. But it doesn’t matter. He’s a white man who is not of the world. He’s part of a world, but it’s a world of comfort and luxury and confidence. White men tend to listen to white men born to power a little too much for my tastes.

This news channel and their performers are not important but the story they tell is: that white men are betrayed. That the country is ungrateful. That the savages are coming for you and your family, finally, so pick sides.

I, once, even appeared on this cable network, where I sold my liberal bona fides to an audience who hated me. It would be dishonest for me to express regret for my various on-air appearances. I wanted to be on TV. I wanted to be seen. I wanted to be painted and praised and no one with perfect hair on television should ever be taken seriously, ever.

This man, and his network, will be dimly remembered by history. I, thankfully, will be utterly forgotten. That cable news company produced a loud defiant noise, a final bellow, like dinosaurs roaring at meteorites striking the earth. White men are angry because extinction smiles upon us.

This cable host wants to fill the prisons. He wants the President to show strength. He tells his viewers to doubt their own eyes when watching a video of a white man kneeling on the throat of a black man.

But this white man is taken seriously by other white men. He is angry and sentimental and assures his viewers that they are good. And you know what? I’ll bet many of them have led quiet, loving, productive lives. I know people with fathers who refuse to believe this country is unfair, from root to petal, and who write the vilest and most hateful things on social media for cruel sport, who also love their children and community, who go to church and donate to charities. People are complicated but injustice is not. White men tend to only listen to other white men, so if you’re a white man tell your fathers and brothers and nephews that the world is gray, except when it comes to human dignity—and either you choose to prosper under racism or you choose to struggle against it.

White men, tell other white men that we are losing and that that is good.

When I filled out my 2020 Census form I wrote that I am Hispanic and White but I know the truth: I’m a white man.

I know I’m white because once when I was drunk and young I bought a Big Bite hot dog at a 7–Eleven convenience store and proceeded to fill a Big Gulp soda cup with free chili and cheese hot dog topping.

The man behind the cash register was furious with me and he thought it was his lucky night because a pair of cops showed up, on their nightly rounds I guess. They thought I was funny. They chuckled and told me to go home. I was just a dumb kid having a good time. I’m pretty sure I waved bye to the two good ol’ boys with badges, my face slicked with warm chili. A few weeks later I’d watch those same two cops slap open beers out of the hands of black men about my age, dumb kids having a good time.

That’s the South for you, I remember thinking. What can I do? I stood and watched my good friends, two white dudes with power, harass those young men for fun on a warm summer evening in Richmond, Virginia. I was drunk. I felt safe. My beer was open. Oh, what a privilege. I was like a little cop.

Every white man is a cop until he says, “No.”

I’ve always known if I looked more like my Mexican-American family, I’d have a different relationship with the cops. But I don’t. I’m a white man and I’m racist. I can’t help it. I was born into a racist society, I was forged by a racist society. I have the power to ask for the manager whenever I am remotely peeved. It is an affliction that will always be with me and the only remedy is clear-eyed honesty.

I am telling you, white men, that I am racist, and so are you, and I will wrestle with this for the rest of my life. When I look at the mighty — the rich and the powerful — they all look like me and that isn’t a happy coincidence. It is the result of a centuries-old plan. A collective effort to elevate clan over talent. I have benefited from that and others have not. This is not controversial. It is, however, difficult to read, especially if you’re a white man who has toiled, sweated, bled for his mortgage, his family’s food.

White men aren’t all powdered cable news hosts. Nor are they photo-op warriors carrying toy arsenals, intimidating their neighbors over small political issues, fighting the good fight but never late for dinner. No. White men are humans. And humans, no matter their hearts, are too easily deformed and vandalized by systems designed to sort us into winners and losers.

There are white men who call themselves patriots. Their instinct is to run to the defense of business under siege as if every Walmart was the Alamo. America is many things, but one thing is definitely an epic real estate deal. We’re as obsessed with property as the King of England. Those Captain Americas think they’re heroes but if non-white men blessed by the state murdered their friends and families and done so with little consequence for your entire life, and the lives of your parents and grandparents, then you’d burn whatever was nearby and combustible. The fact that these patriots don’t understand why department stores are burning is proof positive that their anger is superficial, at best.

White men tend to listen to only other white men, and I’m telling you, you are not a loser, but one unarmed black man murdered by a white man with a badge is too many and these victims number in the thousands. The country burns but white men are supplying the matches.

When given a choice between ideals and violence always count on White America to try violence first, just to see if it works. Usually, it works. America was always a nice idea. Melancholy, really. A government of the people, by the people, for the people. All men are created equal. But America is terrified of freedom for all. Freedom for some is safer. More manageable. Freedom for us, less for them. Our ideals are gift wrap covering up a steel-toed boot like a Christmas present. The truth must be shouted into heads: Not all men are created equal.

I am a racist and I feel no guilt about it. Nor am I self-loathing. I am racist and it is humbling. It takes vigilance to live with unblinking eyes. To unlearn. This country was created by white men and by God it will live it up to the promise those white men made the future, even if they had no idea what that future held, nor the color of the skin of their heirs.

Men tend to only listen to other men if they listen at all. Every white man thinks he’s got a permanent talking stick in his pants. Men tend to only listen to other men, so if you’re a white man who understands the burden history has put on you it is your responsibility to tell other white men what you know, and feel.

Now, there will be white men who mock you. They’ll disagree and rage and stammer and threaten and panic but they must be told. They can’t truly be free men if they refuse to see the suffering of their fellow citizens from the comfort of their homes.

These white men can’t be allowed to live their life thinking they’re righteous.

They’ll say “You’re woke” with a sneer and you’ll want to respond “Is that all you’ve got?” Because, yes, that’s all they’ve got. Although, to their credit, they have a surplus of snotty attitudes and superficial deflections and dishonest dodges. This is not easy news. That you were lied to. That America isn’t what you were told it is. I have been wrong about so many things.

And white men should tell other white men when they’re wrong. But when you tell them, do it with compassion because maybe one will hear you.

White men tend to talk to other white men, and here’s what many of them are saying: Use clubs and bullets, poison clouds, and tanks to bring them to heel. Many white men are emotional. They are animated by primal fear, and a fundamental American hatred—the hatred of those who don’t belong. These men have no moral or political power, so they kneel before the gun.

White men should talk to other white men. It is a small, brave thing for one white man to tell another that his heart has been moved by the truth, that all people are created equal, and that belief, scratched out on parchment by a racist 243 years ago, is probably the only Earthly value worth fighting for. I want to stress, this is not a grand heroic thing, talking to other white men. Being honest with them. But it is righteous.