MICROFICTION — 300 WORDS OR LESS!

While I Was Walking In My Dreams

Have you ever had one of those lucid dreams where you can make anything happen just by thinking about it?

I’ve had weird dreams about a gorgeous redhead.

Lucid dreams.

Have you ever had them?

The kind of dreams where you know you’re dreaming and all you need to do is to tell yourself to eat a dream sandwich.

Or better yet, to eat a pussy.

I’ve screwed this dream girl in every room of my house.

Last week I screwed her on the pool table.

The week before I cornholed her in the root cellar.

I’ve tried talking to my wife Mona, but she doesn’t understand.

She says I’m cheating on her in my sleep.

Then tonight I found my redhead in the kitchen, making a sandwich. I bent her over the dinner table and screwed her tenderloins.

Afterward, she made me a sandwich.

Baloney with cheese and mayonnaise.

My favorite sandwich.

After the screwing, she disappeared.

I walked upstairs to my wife’s bedroom. We’ve been sleeping in separate beds for the last couple of years.

Now, there’s nothing wrong with a married couple sleeping in separate beds if one person snores, has regular nightmares, or suffers from overly frequent rectal explosions.

But Mona likes being without me.

I tapped at the bedroom door.

“So where was she this time?” Mona asked.

“In the kitchen,” I said. “She made me a sandwich.”

“I know,” she said. “I can smell the bologna on your breath.”

“So she isn’t a dream!” I said excitedly.

“Idiot,” Mona scolded. “You sleepwalked and sleep-ate. Wish you’d sleep gargled as well.”

She slammed the door behind me.

“He still thinks he’s dreaming,” Mona said to the redhead in her bedroom.

“Shut up and eat my pussy while the mayo is still fresh,” the redhead commanded.

I guess my wife still loved the taste of my penis butter.

She just didn’t like fucking me anymore.