Summary

The author, Kasey Sparks, learns a valuable lesson about her romantic desires while waiting in vain for a date during Mercury retrograde, ultimately realizing she values kindness, reliability, and clear communication in a partner.

Abstract

During the winter of 2021, amidst a Mercury retrograde, Kasey Sparks decides to revisit the dating scene by using the Bumble app. She reconnects with a man she had previously dated, hopeful for a renewed relationship. However, after he fails to show up for their date and does not communicate his absence, Kasey is left waiting at the restaurant. Observing a considerate couple, she gains clarity on the qualities she truly desires in a partner: someone who is kind, punctual, and communicative. The experience transforms from a disappointing no-show into a profound moment of gratitude and self-discovery, reinforcing her standards for a future relationship.

Opinions

The author believes that effective learning can come from contrasting experiences, particularly in understanding what one wants in a partner.
She suggests that astrological events, like Mercury retrograde, can be opportune moments for reflection and revisiting past connections.
Kasey values the importance of actions matching words, as demonstrated by her disappointment in her date's failure to reserve a table and communicate his absence.
The sight of a gentlemanly act by another man at the restaurant (going out to get the car in cold weather) solidifies her belief in the significance of kind gestures in a relationship.
The author expresses gratitude for the no-show date, viewing it as a reminder of her relationship standards and a bullet dodged.
She concludes with a sense of optimism, having been reminded of what she truly wants in a partner, which is a "Mr. Nice Guy."

While I Waited For Mr. No-Show, I Saw The Man I Want

A Mercury retrograde reminded me of what I’m looking for in a partner.

Photo by Alice Donovan Rouse on Unsplash

Some of the most effective learning takes place by contrast. I see the right path when I’m on the wrong one. I gain clarity on what would be best for me when I’m in a situation that’s not the best.

And a few years ago while I waited for a date to show up, I saw what I wanted while waiting for what I didn’t want.

In the winter of 2021, the planet Mercury was retrograde. According to a friend who studies astrology, this phase is a good time for “re” things like revisiting and reviewing, so I decided to retry the dating app Bumble. Although I was grateful that love showed up on my doorstep in the form of my son the previous fall, ultimately I wanted to experience love with a partner.

After spending a few weeks on the app swiping for potential matches I connected with someone I’d met with a year and a half prior. We’d gone on a few dates then, but he decided he wasn’t ready for a relationship. This time he seemed a step closer. Maybe we could renew the connection?

He suggested we meet for a drink. Covid was still lingering but some restaurants were now accepting guests for indoor seating. We found one that offered a limited amount of reservation-only tables. He said he’d call to save a spot and confirmed the time and location with me twice.

Everything sounded good.

I arrived at the restaurant parking lot a few minutes early and sent a quick “I’m here” text. I didn’t hear back and assumed he was probably driving, so I went into the restaurant. When I asked for our table at the hostess stand, she didn’t see a reservation under his name.

Hmmm.

Luckily, she did have a table opening within 10–15 minutes. I put my name in and hung out in the lobby hoping my date would arrive before the table was ready.

As I waited, I noticed a happy couple sitting at the bar and having an intimate conversation. I smiled thinking that soon I’d be doing the same thing with Mr. Bumble.

About ten minutes went by and I still hadn’t heard from him. I messaged him again. “You coming?”

All I got were crickets. No response at all.

I grew confused and wondered what was up. Snow was falling that evening and maybe he hit a slippery patch on the way to meet me. Had he been in an accident? Or did something else happen? Yet he hadn’t made a reservation. Had he changed his mind and didn’t let me know?

As I stood in the lobby bewildered by all these questions swirling in my head, the hostess indicated that our table was now ready. I held off on having her seat me. I needed clarification about what to do. Was he involved in an accident or was he not coming? Since he hadn’t made a reservation I had to assume the latter.

All I knew for sure was that Mr. Bumble was turning into Mr. No-Show. This had never happened to me before. I stood there baffled and resentful. I’d left my warm place on a cold night for someone who seemed to have no intention of showing up or letting me know that he’d changed his mind.

What was I doing here? My default mode is to find a nugget of wisdom in a situation such as this and I had a sense in my gut that a lesson would be gained from this experience. What was it?

As I contemplated this question, I saw the happy couple I’d noticed earlier putting on their coats and getting ready to leave.

Then an odd thing happened.

Mr. Nice Couple left the restaurant and Ms. Nice Couple sat back down on the barstool. What was going on? Why didn’t she leave with him?

My curiosity took over. I had to watch this play out.

A few minutes later, a car pulled up into the parking lot. Mr. Nice Couple popped out of the car and started walking towards the vestibule. I looked over and saw Ms. Nice Couple smile and jump up as she saw him approaching. Their car must have been parked a few blocks away. He’d gone out to get it and pick her up.

What a gentleman.

Then, the nugget of wisdom I was searching for hit me. I wasn’t at the restaurant to meet Mr. No Show. Instead, I was there to be shown a shining example of what I want.

I want someone who does kind things. Someone who makes a reservation and shows up. Someone whose actions match his words. Someone who communicates with me. Someone who goes out to get the car on a cold winter night.

My resentment shifted to gratitude. I felt that I dodged a bullet by my date not showing up. I smiled and said a silent thank you. In waiting for Mr. No-Show I’d been reminded of what I wanted. I want a Mr. Nice Guy.

The Mercury retrograde that winter and a Mr. No Show turned into a lesson to remember just that.

To quote Ram Dass, “We’re all just walking each other home.” If you’d like to join me on the journey, click here.

I Keep Getting Stung By Bumble

So why do I keep diving back into this dating app?

medium.com