While I agree with the general tone and tenor of this narrative, there are a couple of things I disagree with.
I have no expectation of ever loving my body. I think it’s another bill of goods that we’ve been sold, this time by fat society, and it’s a goal that sets us up for failure just as much as the goal of exercising more and eating cleaner. I will be quite content if I can accept my body and feel comfortable in it. For me, that is a reasonable goal. I don’t love my feet with their bunions. I don’t love the out of wack second piercing on my left ear that won’t close up. I don’t love the dark gray/brown pigmented skin in the folds of my thighs. But I am beginning to accept them. And that’s something I’m proud of. It says I have made a mental accommodation for them. I can live with these imperfections without self-deprecation or disgust. The same goes for my body. I don’t love it. I don’t expect to love it. But in time I hope to accept it. It’s good enough. It works the way it’s supposed to. It’s no better or worse than any other body.
I’m not sure that anyone totally loves their body. People we envy for their svelte, toned, sculpted bodies look at themselves and see flaws. I’ll be satisfied when I accept my body, whatever it looks like.
The second premise is that as fat people we shouldn’t be constrained by expectations that society tries to place on us. There’s absolutely no reason why we can’t choose what we want. I agree on this point. But I don’t want to wear something in defiance of the opinions propagated by thin society. I want to wear what I think looks good on me. You won’t find me out and about in spandex leggings and a tube top. This isn’t because of the opinions of non-fat society. According to my standards for myself and my appearance, it would look terrible. To me. The wish to look attractive in a piece of clothing and the reality of wearing it are common across all body types. Let’s wear clothing that allows us to feel attractive. Period.
Rachel, if you feel confident, comfortable, and like the way you look in your bikini, that’s all that matters. If next summer you try on another style and it feels right, go for it. My wish is that you look in the mirror and smile.
