Where’s the Line Between Being Polite and Being a Doormat?

Summary

The article discusses the challenge of navigating modern etiquette, particularly when it comes to knowing when to speak up against perceived incivility without being overly accommodating.

Abstract

The author reflects on the complexities of contemporary manners, contrasting the clear-cut advice of etiquette expert Emily Post with the current climate of political divisiveness in the US. The article ponders the dilemma faced when a guest makes politically charged remarks, assuming shared views, and the appropriate response from both the host and other guests. The author recounts choosing to remain silent during such an incident, questioning the correctness of this decision and highlighting the difficulty in discerning the boundary between politeness and being a doormat.

Opinions

The author values the clarity that Emily Post's etiquette advice provided in the past, particularly regarding dining manners.
There is a perception that modern etiquette fails to adequately address the level of incivility present in contemporary society.
The author suggests that there is a fine line between being polite and being too passive, especially in situations involving political discussions.
The article implies that remaining silent in the face of political insults at a social gathering can be problematic and may not always be the right choice.
The author believes that speaking up after the fact to the hostess about the incident is a valid but not necessarily conclusive approach to resolving such social dilemmas.

Modern etiquette is so difficult

It’s so difficult to know how to behave nowadays. When I was younger, Emily Post had the answer to everything. I cheered when she declared that eating “Continental style” was acceptable, stopping my mother’s nagging.

Even Emily Post couldn’t resolve the current level of incivility in the US. But it leads to a conundrum.

Etiquette dictates when you’re a guest you shouldn’t insult the hostess or other guests. But what if a guest from one political party insults the other political party, assuming everyone shares a party affiliation? Except, you don’t?

If the hostess doesn’t say something, when should you speak up? Or, having waited, will saying something now make things worse?

I stayed silent and told the hostess later. Was that the right choice?