Squat is life. Dickety, I’m not sure.

Where’s My Dickety Squat?

It’s not fair I didn’t get one yet

I’m sorry to ask everybody here because I know you’re all busy with your lives and stuff, but I heard I was owed dickety squat by society, and I didn’t get it.

I called Amazon’s customer service because that’s who I usually call first when I have a problem, but they said they don’t sell that stuff (yet). They advised me to try eBay or Craigslist because “that’s the sort of product they specialize in.”

That made the Amazon girl laugh. Not sure why.

So, I called eBay but got a similar answer, except they referred me to Amazon and its “dickety squatter in chief, Jeff Bezos.”

I don’t believe it’s his official title, but I understood the message.

At Craigslist, they told me to check if Dickety Squat wasn’t Taylor Swift’s latest single, but I checked on Spotify and didn’t find any Dickety (or any Squat, for that matter).

After the online retailers, I tried Walmart, being the top retail conglomerate in the world, and all that. And maybe also the largest employer in the world because they have more than two million people working for them.

I mean, if there was one place where I could find some good old dickety squat, it must have been Walmart. Right?

Wrong.

“Come back from Black Friday Sales,” they said. “We have some dickety sometimes, different colors, different sizes, and even some squats, but they quickly go, so try to sleep outside for at least two days before the doors open.”

In my book sleeping outside Walmarts isn’t too much fun. I know what I’m talking about because I sleep outside Apple Stores each time they release a new product.

That’s already a lot of capitalist sleeping, as my grandma calls it, and I decided to write about my problem on Medium and all my socials instead of waiting for Black Friday.

Contrary to what the Twitterati want us to believe, people are usually super helpful on social media. Not everyone is a border-crossing scammer, Elon.

So, if you have seen my dickety squat, have some info about it, or know someone who could help me find it, I would greatly appreciate your support. Please comment on this article or contact me here if you prefer to keep things confidential.

Some might think I made up all this because society isn’t there to cater to our every whim, but it’s different this time. The dickety squat deal is 100% legit. I got the info about it from Kyle Wells. He wrote in black and white.

“You are owed dickety squat.”

See for yourself if you don’t trust me: