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Where You Are Now Is Not Who You Are

Immediately useful tips to release your low-grade anxiety.

Enjoy this excerpt from The Autoimmune Hour’s Show #350: Where You Are Now Is Not Who You Are with Bev Martin.

Bev Martin is the founder of InnerActive. She’s a natural and trained intuitive, a certified Professional Coach Member of ICF international Coaches, and a Master Practitioner of NLP, among numerous other expertise.

You can listen to the complete podcast at: www.UnderstandingAutoimmune.com/BevMartin. *The information provided on UnderstandingAutoimmune.com, Life InterruptedRadio.com, and The Autoimmune Hour is for educational purposes only. SHARON SAYLER: Bev, it seems as if so many live in a low-grade anxious state these days. What are some techniques you share with your clients to release the resulting stress and rebalance? BEV MARTIN: It is about where your attention is — because for anyone in any context, we can up our anxiety if we focus on anything threatening. If you have someone on a beautiful beach sipping something out of a pineapple, they can still make themselves anxious because it’s the nature of how we think.

When the body goes, “Oh, oh! I think there’s something here I want to pay attention to,” we want to purposefully attend and put our attention on what we do want to see, not what we don’t, that helps a lot.

One question you and I both know quite well is a Clean Language® question that says, “What would you like to have happened?”

That directs us to an outcome rather than dread, and there are many ways to answer that question.

But “dread” can go on autopilot. It can just be running in the background. I have noticed over my lifetime that it can also be hormonal.

SHARON: Really? BEV: I noticed that when I was pregnant or times like that, it’s almost like the body said, “Oh, we need to up your capacity to protect yourself.” Then, it got more hyper-vigilant and hyperaware.

There’s a context in which hyper-vigilance and hyperawareness are helpful. But sitting in your lovely living room where all is well, that hyperawareness and hyper-vigilance are not serving us. We can fall into the trap of thinking, If I’m worrying, I’m preventing something terrible from happening.

That’s a superstition. The mind says, “If I’m fretting, I’m doing what I can do.”

Well, actually, no.

It’s about turning attention to what you do want to focus on and that is a wonderful context even for the simplest of gratitude practices. A gratitude practice can help us slow down and say, “What’s going on in the moment? For what I am grateful?” “I love the way the sun is shining in the window, and I love the sweater that I’m wearing. It’s really comfortable.”

I always love how you describe what you’ve got in your teacup here on the show.

That focus is putting your attention deliberately on what is, at least, okay or going well or something we can be grateful for. And this turns the attention like a flashlight toward what we do want to see more of.

It’s a discipline that has its reward. As soon as we say, “What would I rather be focused on right now?” we turn our attention to what we’d like to see more, and it’s really helpful.

SHARON: This reminds me of mindfulness, and it has a wonderful place as it is rapid and easy so we can stay in the moment ─ perhaps, mini-mindfulness.

BEV: Absolutely! Sometimes, depending on the context, I like to suggest that we interview anxiety. In other words, if a part of us is saying, “Hey, watch out, Sharon!” there are times when we say, “Well, I’m watching out. All is well. I’m in my living room. Everything is fine. Thank you, anyway.”

We also don’t want to dismiss that little something that’s getting our attention. We want to train it, in a way to converse with it.

One of the ways is to interview it, to say, “Hmm, I noticed that you’re getting my attention. I noticed that my heart rate has increased, or my shoulders are right up around my ears.” The body responses will often be the first way to know. It’s some discomfort that we’re calling “anxiety.”

And so to interview whatever is prompting that is to say, “What do you want from me that’s good? My breathing suddenly got shallow. Is there a predator in the cupboard? What would you like to have me know?”

That does several things; it creates a dialogue, and you’re in charge of the internal conversation; it also says, “Is there something I should know that I’m not paying attention to?”

Most often, there isn’t yet. Sometimes, there might be.

“What would you have me know? Let me be aware of something.”

It takes us out of staying in dread without it having to be specific. And then let’s get specific; “Is this something I need to be worried about? What else about that? Tell me more.”

You’re listening at a deeper level with these questions to yourself.

My hope is that the unconscious mind also learns to get specific, as in, “Don’t prompt me with anything like this unless it is specific.

SHARON: Are we touching on the power of intuition? How do you define intuition?

BEV: Intuition is that unconscious awareness of knowledge you carry deep within, and your intuition is that knowledge. And, most often, we could use it more.

If you had an inner tutor, an intuition, a teacher inside of you helping you to pay attention to what matters most, allowing you to connect with the things in your life that will bring you the most joy or help you to be more who you are, why wouldn’t we connect with that?

Intuition is remarkable for safety. There are so many accounts of people who, fortunately, have survived certain things where they’ll say, “You know, I didn’t know. Something just made me…”

And a logical mind goes, “Why?”

So often, we’re like, “That’s just odd.” Yet, to pay attention to it more and more ─ it’s almost like if you were in a corporate environment and you had a board of advisors. Your intuition is one of them. Your logical mind, certainly, is one of them ─ your experience, your knowledge, all the things you know.

But that little feeling or something that just sort of makes you feel uncomfortable in a moment similarly deserves our attention ─ “What do you know?”

It’s learning to act on the prompts without having to have them make sense. Sometimes, it could just be, “Oh, just change lanes.”

And fifty percent of the time we do that, we don’t get very satisfying feedback that says, “Oh, you know what you avoided by doing that?” We don’t always know or get the satisfaction of knowing the reason that we did that.

Our logical minds would love to know like “Oh, I did that because…” but, sometimes, we are out of “because.” Something just arises.

I love working with professional women, especially in corporate settings, who rely on their intuition to do extremely well at work. And so many of them would never confess to it, or they don’t know that that’s what it is that they’re connecting to because our set-ups are so conscious-mind focused: “How did you come to that decision with your left analytical brain?”

But when you’re interviewing a new hire or you’re making a significant decision, why wouldn’t you also trust your head, heart, and gut?

If you’re interviewing someone and something just doesn’t feel quite right, sit with it. Trust yourself.

My secret guilty pleasure is that I love watching true life crime shows. It’s my guilty pleasure. It’s like, oh, Dateline…

They often will replay the 911 call at the beginning, and I will listen to that, and some of it is ─ my experience with body language and clues about tone and things. But I will listen to that 911 call, and like “Yup, you’re the perpetrator” or “This is true” or “You’re sincere” or “No, you’re not.” And then, I love to see how it turns out.

I especially love watching a cop’s response ─ most often, male cops, although it can be female. I especially love it when it’s a person with an analytical mind that says, “I just got this feeling. The hair stood up on the back of my neck.”

Even the wide range of professions that rely on their left brain still use their intuition. We could use it more!

SHARON: We could use it all the time. It would be reinforcing, and we’d use it more if we got that instant feedback.

Well, in my case, I didn’t listen, and I got in a car accident. But, let’s say, I’m driving, I do listen and change lanes, and looking at the rear-view mirror and the poor person behind me gets hit. I think that would also be training that says, “Pay more attention to it [intuition],” too.

BEV: Absolutely! Years ago, my husband and I were walking in Northwest Portland late at night on a very dark street, and we needed to get around a person who was walking very slowly and go into the bookstore. And I noticed that my feeling was just to wait ─ pull back and just wait.

The person was not well, and I felt myself hold my husband’s hand like trying non-verbally to let him know, “Just cool your jets. We’re just going to wait.”

I didn’t communicate effectively, and he went faster. We were holding hands, so I went faster, too. We passed this person who had an outburst. It was upsetting for the person. It was upsetting for us. And that could have been avoided just by noticing that the body was saying, “Let’s just hold back.”

Your body is often telling you in a myriad of ways. And if we can just overcome the need to understand logically, to trust that inner teacher…

SHARON: It’s so fascinating. Now, a different rabbit hole; let’s say, a magic quantum leap… Things are going to change. Hopefully, the world, our greater community, is not going to have this massive low-level angst forever.

Let’s say next summer is the summer that we’ve all been hoping that 2021 was going to be. How do we stabilize ourselves, relax as in not being so “on-guard” and trust again?

BEV: We’ve all got “disappointment fatigue.” One thing that can help is to have a vision for what you would like to have happened. I’ve discovered that I’m a bit of a rebel. I’m a very well-behaved rebel, but I don’t want to be told what to do.

And so, I wouldn’t want to be in a position where I’m told when I’m allowed to do this or that. I don’t want to give authority to some disembodied counsel other than the highest counsel I can imagine.

I don’t want anyone to say, “Well, now, you’re allowed to do this” or “You can do that.”

To create what you want, consider holding a vision of “what I would love to do ─ what would an ideal summer look like that meets my needs?”

Of course, one person’s model of summer is different from another, right?

Someone might say, “I’d be hiking and camping and seeing all the beauty of our state.” Somebody else might go, “I’ll be finishing my book.”

And then, you can be mindful at the moment: “Hmm, do I need to slow down here? Do I need to go there? Do I need to change my plan a little bit because…?”

It’s the opposite of just waiting to see what we can do. I feel tense even just thinking about it, but it still has an idea of what I’d like to do.

As I said, we’ve all got “disappointment fatigue.” I had so many things set up from 2020 and ’21. I was going to go to TEDx, and I was going to see Trevor Noah live. And each of those events got canceled.

But it would be a pity not to have a vision of what you want and, at least, move towards it even if we still have to be flexible. Have your “will” in place. Have the will to live your life, know what you want to do, and keep doing what you love and looking forward to those things and acting on them.

So think about next summer and really dream about it!

SHARON: I love that. It doesn’t even have to be about summer, as I’m thinking now that the holidays are right around the corner. And we are just about out of time here. Any final thoughts, Bev?

BEV: For your 350th episode, what I’d like to say is thank you. You are giving your gifts to the world, and one of the most important things as a soul is to recognize “What do I love? What are my gifts, and how might I share them with others?” as we’ve talked about today.

I want to thank you for how you show up, for what you gift us, and that you’re doing your thing. Thank you for doing that!

That’s the imperative of a soul. It’s like, “Be who you are. Bring your gifts.”

I would say for all of us at the end of this year and going into the next year that if that is our one focus ─ how do I be more of who I am and give more generously of the gifts that I’ve been given so that I can provide them on ─ that could be a great frame for us. It’s giving our gifts. SHARON: Oh, thank you, Bev. I love that. That’s what we’re going to do. I love to make meaning of things, too, so giving our gifts and making meaning of this time is where we’ll see the most profound changes down the road.

Everyone, that’s Bev Martin. It’s BevMartin.com. It’s spelled just like it sounds, and you can also find it over at UnderstandingAutoimmune.com.

Have a great week, whatever your adventures. Join me next week for another brand-new episode. We’ll be crossing that bridge to 351. Enjoy!

The information provided on UnderstandingAutoimmune.com, Life Interrupted Radio.com, and The Autoimmune Hour is for educational purposes only.

If you’d love to know how your body language is being judged, I have a gift for you: “Five Things To Focus On To Help You Feel Better When You Have An Autoimmune Condition” e-book. Some might surprise you! Enjoy!

This Q&A is from The Autoimmune Hour Show #350: Where You Are Now Is Not Who You Are with Bev Martin. It has been lightly edited for written clarity and length.

Full Show Description:

In the complete interview, Bev Martin, the founder of InnerActive, joins in for a fun, free-ranging chat about changing the nature of the way we think and talk about dis-ease and wellness.

We explore anxious stress, empathy, intuition, self-talk, and creativity to understand ourselves and others deeper during this time of disruption and extreme change. Bev shares with us her powerful insights and techniques to:

• Amp up our empathy, creativity, and intuition
• Use powerful questions to change directions when things are not going well,
• Find success through self-talk and deep listening, plus so much more…

About our Guest: Bev Martin is a natural and trained intuitive, a certified Professional Coach (PCC) Member of ICF international Coaches, Master Practitioner of NLP, (MNLP) and NLP and Health (HNLP) Certified Facilitator of Clean Language and Symbolic Modeling, Certified Hypnotherapist. Learn more about Bev and her fantastic work at www.BevMartin.com

Show Notes #350 Where You Are Now Is Not Who You Are

[2:05] This being the show’s 350th episode, Sharon invited Bev to celebrate with her since she had Bev on in her 100th episode as well. As an opening question, Bev asked Sharon what she is most proud of thinking about those shows?

Sharon’s reply was to change lives and inspire people through the guests that she brings in to make it all worth it.

[6:18] Bev talks about the need for more respect and understanding, and kindness to people going through chronic issues that may be invisible at times.

[9:10] At this point, Sharon said that the subject of anxiety is something that she wants to talk about ─ all sorts of anxiety, especially in this time of the pandemic and even what she calls “PC” or pre-COVID.

They had a lengthy discussion on how to cope with anxiety. Sharon mentioned breathing, and Bev talked about focusing on the moment you’re in and the power of self-talk, among others. Bev shared her root canal experience and how she coped with this anxiety-provoking situation by visualization and reframing.

[15:24] They are both in agreement that we are living in a state of low-grade anxiety. And so, Sharon asked Bev for some tips to deal with it. And, again, Bev mentioned putting our attention on what we would like to have happened rather than something threatening, focusing on the outcome rather than dread.

She went on to say that gratitude practices help us in those moments.

[19:54] Bev suggested “interviewing anxiety,” which is simply listening to yourself at a deeper level, and she went on to describe the process.

[22:09] At this point, Sharon asked Bev what intuition is. She said that Bev is an expert in helping us understand our intuition. It is, according to Bev, an “inner tutor and a teacher inside of you helping you to pay attention to what matters most and helping you to connect with the things in your life that will bring you the most joy or help you to be more who you are,” which we should connect to.

[29:13] Bev pointed out again that it is essential to have a vision for what we would like to have happened ─ what feels like fun for us ─ and have a plan around it but be flexible about it.

[32:41] Now, the topic shifts to grief. Sharon asked Bev how to move through these stages of grief in a very safe and loving way, to which Bev replied that though she is not a grief expert, being a human being, she feels it, too, like everyone else. She talks about anticipatory grief as well as anger as actual grief that wants to be let out.

[35:49] With just a few minutes left, Sharon mentioned Bev’s upcoming classes on intuition and asked her this question: What would we learn in an intuition class?

[40:19] This is where Bev tells the audience how to find her, and for her parting words, Bev thanked Sharon for what she the gifts she brings to the world. She also reminded everyone that we are all “gifted to give” as well. It’s about giving our gifts.