Where We Are When We Create Who We Are

and What We Make of That

My fascination with Roland Barthes began when I first read about him in the mid-90’s in Artforum, a reading which sent me out in search of A Lover’s Discourse. At the time I was learning how to paint and I was feeling bewildered and foolish after having separated from my lover.

Over the years whenever I found myself moving, I’d instinctively reach for A Lover’s Discourse first and put it inside the suitcase which would be for essentials, clothing, photographs, letters, toiletries, small objects, and precious items like my maternal grandfather Stafford’s red plaid bathrobe.

I relish each of Roland Barthes’ books but this one is the crown jewel. Most likely because it reminds me of San Francisco where I lived then, of a new sense of self-respect I had, and the love I shared with my lover which blew in on a breeze when he was in an elevator going up inside Urban Outfitters, when I saw him seconds before the elevator doors closed shut.

A Lover’s Discourse was a heady way to get over a breakup, and from there I moved on to his other books. Mythologies was next, and you get the picture.

I am living on a farm, and have converted the room where I sleep into the place where I write. My dogs come in and out. The desk is a haphazard pile of papers, books, dictionaries, headphones, pens, pencils, and eyewear. Almost everything I own is in storage in another state, so this mess makes me happy and productive. I try not to cling to physical things but I’m like anyone I like my little things.

I’ve given up trying to keep the desk tidy. Here’s one of my dogs now, Lolo. It looks like someone has given him a treat. Not far down the street is a stand of five trees. I walk by them all the time, earlier with Lolo and Dash, my oldest boy. These trees make me want to weep they are that beautiful. They are my workspace as well, on loan from nature.

Yesterday I came across a little film of him shot in his workspace. The film is brief but watching you feel as if it could last forever because of the impression Roland Barthes makes, saying.

Actually, I have the corner where I paint, the corner where I write, the corner where I play the piano the corner where I sleep.

Where we are when we create makes a difference. We are different because of the difference.

It’s a happy reality.