Where There’s Life There’s Bugs
Having always followed the principle, the tenant can sometimes be right, I offered to buy her another tarantula
# 3 Real Estate Man
In any big city, even in the most exclusive of buildings, there are insects. In spite of man’s varied attempts to eradicate bugs, eventually the bugs win. Been that way since the beginning of time. As humans, we must accept the fact that we may be able to stave off most of the the mental and physical problems bugs cause but, ultimately ,we have to live in a tolerable harmony. Some people find this more challenging to accept than others.
Joe’s Extermination is the company upon which Real Estate Man relies to maintain this delicate balance between man and nature.
The contract with Joe stipulates he treats every apartment that Real Estate Man owns once a month.
Tenant’s leases contain the same provision. If ,for any reason, a tenant doesn’t want Joe to stop over and treat that month, he or she must call the office. Approximately 10% of the tenants make that choice.. Pesticides and other general environmental concerns, pet, cats, dogs and all that are the usual reasons for cancellation.
Joe would often come up to Real Estate Man’s office after monthly rounds. Real Estate Man would shoot the shit about how the day went and which places he was able to service. Real Estate Man always liked those sessions. Joe was a hardworking guy. He would say he was only an exterminator ; not an undertaker. He explained that to Real Estate Man one day after leaving an apartment ankle deep in dead roaches. The place was incredibly infested. We had to hire a clean up crew to sweep the casualties. Joe certainly was no entomologist. He did, however, have enough experience with insects to give him a working knowledge of how to temporarily rid an apartment of the more common pests.
Real Estate Man’s story:
During one of our monthly chats Joe mentioned that he dealt with an unusually large spider that day. According to him, the spider had apparently crawled into an unused 5 gallon water bottle. You know, the kind that fit on office water dispensers. This particular bottle was on its side in the living room of an apartment Joe visited for a treatment that day. No call from the tenant to cancel. Joe used his master key to enter and found no one home. He never did figure how that monster spider got into the bottle through the perforated cap that was screwed on the top. Removing the cap Joe gave the huge spider an extra spray of Kepone. Note: Kepone has since been banned globally. by the Stockholm Convention on Persistent Organic Pollutants but back in the early 2000’s — who knew??)
As if on cue my office land line rang. I answered — an hysterical woman on the other end. Between breathless sobs, she asked whether anyone had been in her apartment that day. Said something about a pet tarantula being killed.
Sitting in front of me proud as punch, not yet privy to my current phone conversation was Joe — fresh off his afternoon triumph. I was caught in the middle, having to be an ambassador of good will.
Having always followed the business principle The tenant can sometimes be right, I offered to buy the tenant another tarantula.
Which lead to:
A wail from the aggrieved tenant with accusations of heartlessness. I was insensitive to the plight of a woman who just lost her pet for whom, ostensibly, she had developed a deep devotion. ‘To love means to love the unloveable……’ * G K Chesterton……
I’m skeptical.
After a few days, things calmed when the emotion died down a bit.
Epilogue:
Joe gave one of my apartments a free bedbug treatment as penance and I gave the grieving tenant a $50 credit on her next month rent.
My one unresolved question: Is G K Chesterton right?
I called up Petco and asked them how much a pink toed tarantula cost — only $13.00.