Where have I been?

Real Talk

But before going on any further in this topic, I want to let you all know that I made an Instagram account where I will write regularly and keep everyone updated on my hereabouts so make sure you guys follow it. It would mean a lot if you guys help me in my journey. Here is my new Instagram link. Make sure to check it out.

So here I am, back on Medium after a month

I have been receiving a lot of emails from my readers about my absence here as why am I not posting articles and anymore

First of all let me thank each and every individual who noticed my absence and came up to check on me. This means so much for me. I felt that my existence mattered and there are people out there who notice and care. I could feel as if i am on the ninth cloud reading the emails from my readers and felt gush of mixed emotions (happy, fortunate,valued and much more). That feeling was really overwhelming.

Now talking about where I was and what held me from writing here. I have been sharing a lot about myself on this platform and kept my followers engaged on my hereabouts so I feel as if it is my responsibility to share not only my good days but bad as well. As you know life is not always sunny with beautiful flowers surrounding you but it also is about them cold dark nights with thunder.

These past few days have not been the very best. They have been the ultimate WORST and I’m not joking. It has been a roller coaster for me but with more downs than ups in my ride.

As I have mentioned in my previous articles that I am a medical student, that brings a lot of responsibilities and burden on me. The studies are really tough, there is no joke in it. There is just so much pressure on a med student. I was neglecting my studies throughout this lock down knowingly that I’m just burdening myself and making it difficult for me to handle all this mounted course in future. But I just did not care enough and was unknowingly so demotivated to do anything. As a result, me with zero prep, got the news of exams within few days. So I had to make a decision and start studying as it is my future and put aside everything once and fore all. The only thing holding me back from reaching up was myself and it took me a while and this shock to realise this thing. But fortunately I did realize and started preparing. It was really hard on me as 6 months on not opening books and suddenly I had a pile of books I had to go through. Nevertheless I knew only I could take my self out of this mess and fairly I did. This is one of the main reason why I wasn’t active here much.

Another reason being was my habit of overthinking. I may sound stupid maybe but my habit of overthinking kept me really busy. Whenever I got free from studies and had time for myself, I unconsciously would indulge myself in overthinking about random stuff, majority of it being my exams and how would I prepare in time. However, this habit took away the free time from myself and I just could not utilize it in something productive like writing articles or poems like I used to do.

The most tragic and traumatizing thing also happened in this particular time period. I lost a very close person to me. This wound is still really fresh and I still am not in the zone to actually accept this reality. I have no words still to write about how I felt or how those days went. But just letting you all know the major reason of me not being active here was this.

What I realized during this time period that life is so uncertain. We could plan so much but we don’t know if we would reach there or not, if we have that much time or not. Don’t put things at tomorrow. Do it now. don’t let any task hang. Love, respect and appreciate everyone around you specially elders.

So these were the reason of my absence. Thanks to everyone for asking and checking up on me. I have come back stronger and wiser. This new outlook will help me achieve inner peace. I will now try to keep myself busy and far from negative thoughts. Busy in studies, writing articles and poems and posting on my new Instagram account to keep everyone updated.